Amityville Vampire

All right, everybody.

Time to start cleaning.

This place smells.

I'm glad you noticed.

I expect it not to smell by morning.

Gina, you do realize what this place is, right?

I don't care.

What is this place?

Hey, less talking, more cleaning.

Vamoose.

Did you hear that?

What the hell was that?

I have no idea.

You're drinking on the job?

Tell me.

What?

Tell me what this place is.

It's.

It's.

So do you have any tats?

Tats?

Yeah, tattoos.

Oh.

No, I'm not really into that so.

- I didn't mean it like that. - No, no.

It's okay.

It's not like it's a fad, you know.

Yeah.

I didn't mean it like that.

It's okay.

What's okay?

Being different, you know.

Being yourself.

Yeah, I guess so.

So who are you anyway?

I mean, on the inside.

Tell me.

Or better yet.

Show me.

I'm not really sure so.

You like that?

Yeah, it was sweet.

Sweet?

Yeah, it was sweet.

I liked it.

Me too.

That was nice.

Nice?

I hate that word.

What word?

Nice.

Okay, let's.

What?

I just, I'm not.

Okay, okay.

I really don't wanna go all the way yet.

What?

Then why did you come here with me?

What'd you think we were gonna be doing?

Roasting marshmallows?

What type of girl are you?

The kind that doesn't put out with a total stranger

after the first 10 minutes of meeting them.

Then why did you come here with me?

I don't know.

My friend vouched for you.

She said you were okay, not the kind of guy who would-

What, screw?

No.

She said that you were nice.

Nice.

You know what nice means to me?

Loser.

That's what it means to me.

Nice guys are always just friends.

They never score.

They're the losers in life.

I didn't mean it like that.

Didn't you?

I mean, first you hit on me at the club

and then you came here with me.

If you didn't wanna do it, then why did you advertise?

I didn't advertise.

I don't believe this crap, you know.

I could've picked up a real player tonight, you know.

Instead I ended up with some fake baby drama queen.

What a waste of time.

I'm sorry.

I just.

What?

Wanted to visit the dark side and not experience it, right?

I know who you are.

You're no one.

Nothing.

Hey, wait a minute.

No action, no traction.

No, you drove here and I don't know how to get home.

Not my problem.

Wait.

It's because.

I only came out here 'cause you look

like a K-Mart Ryan Reynolds.

Fuck.

He can't be that far.

He's gotta be joking.

He's gotta be up on that road.

Ooh.

Vegan chili.

Do not go in there for at least 10 minutes, bro.

Johnny the Gent.

It's just Johnny, man.

You know that.

Those days are gone.

You miss 'em?

You were pretty wild when you were a DJ.

Yeah, sometimes.

I mean, there's a few occasions

I don't mind reminiscing upon.

You got laid as much as the talent did.

Yeah, I had my fair share, bro.

But you know, I mean, those days are gone, you know.

I'm settling down, dude.

Yeah, I noticed.

You're gonna pop the question this weekend.

That's the plan, right?

Yeah, maybe.

You won't find anyone other than Fran

that's gonna put up with all your crap and baggage

and you know that.

You're not wrong, sir.

You're not wrong.

So where are you gonna take her?

Camping.

Red Moon Lake.

You're kidding.

You're taking her camping?

Yeah, dude, why not?

Whatever, man.

All right.

It's all yours.

Later.

Later.

Good luck at the lake.

Hope for your sake she doesn't talk to her sister

before you pop the question.

Yeah, me too.

Later.

So I told my boss to go ahead and fire me

and he didn't like the way I was doing things.

And?

And he turned around and left my office

and I haven't heard from him since.

I could never do that.

I know you couldn't.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

I love you, Fran.

You're my favorite sister.

I'm your only sister.

True, but let's face it.

You're a coward.

You turn tail every time you're faced with an obstacle.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

When that last guy you dated.

Steve.

His name was Steve.

Right, Steve.

When you found out he was fooling around on you,

did you confront him about him?

No.

No.

What did you do?

I waited for him to tell me himself.

I didn't wanna cause a scene.

And what's wrong with causing a scene?

I don't like scenes.

That's my point.

Hey.

Did you forget to say something?

What?

Excuse me.

You bumped into me and you forgot to say excuse me.

Whatever.

What did you just say?

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay.

That's more like it, jerk.

What are you doing?

Nothing.