Good Omens

Captain's log, Pleasure Cruiser Morbillo.

We were sailing south-southwest on course for Havana

when we realised something was amiss.

What's that on the horizon?

But that's impossible.

It appears a vast expanse of seabed

has risen beneath us in the night.

Strange people in long robes and diving helmets

have come aboard the ship and are mingling happily with the passengers,

who think that we have organised this for their amusement.

The High Priest has just won the Quoits contest.

Make it happen. Make it real.

Make it happen. Make it real.

Make it happen. Make it real.

Make it happen.

Make it real.

Make it happen.

Adam, I still don't understand the thing you were telling us

about alien spaceships.

If I was an alien, I wouldn't be going around giving messages

of universal peace and goodwill.

I'd say, "This is a laser blaster.

Prepare to die, rebel swine."

I'd say that too, if I was an alien in a flying saucer.

Or, "Exterminate."

Obviously, the aliens used to do that.

Now they give messages of global peace and cosmic harmony,

and the government hushes it all up.

- Why? - It's what they do.

They hush up aliens and nuclear reactors,

and the people from Tibet who have secret tunnels

and are listening to everything we say.

Adam, I don't think this stuff is,

you know... real.

Things on the Internet can be made up.

This is magazines.

Of course it's real. Just like the City of Atlantis.

Actually, I don't think Atlantis is a thing.

It's under the sea. And people live there.

How can they breathe?

I bet they wear diving helmets.

- That's right. - Do you believe that's true?

Of course it's true. What I say is true.

That's not the only news we're hearing from the ocean.

Some initial reports claim that the land that's risen

in the Atlantic is the sunken continent of Atlantis.

This photograph of so-called Atlanteans

has been posted by passengers on a holiday cruise ship.

Strange times indeed.

Hmm.

- It's me. - I know it's you, Aziraphale.

Yes. Right. Look, we need to get word upstairs to the...

to the... to the Big Boss.

There... there's been prophecies.

What's in human prophecies that matters to us?

Well, er, the Kraken wakes and rises from the sea floor.

So does Atlantis. And the rain forests return.

And that's just for starters.

Armageddon is coming,

and I'm fairly certain it starts today.

Just after teatime.

Exactly. Right on schedule. What's your point?

Look, will you please stop, just for a minute? Please.

- Well? - I just...

I just thought there was something we could do.

There is. We can fight. And we can win.

But there doesn't have to be a war.

Of course there does. Otherwise, how would we win it?

Hmm?

Now look, wrap up whatever you need to wrap up down here.

Report back to active service and...

...lose the gut.

Come on.

You're a lean, mean fighting machine.

What are you?

I'm...

I'm soft.

Almost forgot.

According to our records,

you were issued a flaming sword.

You didn't lose that?

What, like I...

I'd just give it away or something?

Two items have been delivered.

Two Horsemen are preparing to ride.

The last two deliveries still need to be made.

Lesley.

Come back to bed.

I can't, love. I got deliveries to make.

On a Saturday morning?

Well, at least it's local. Two jobs and I'm done.

Lesley.

Who are these deliveries for?

I don't know, love.

Someone important.

Head office said the job was booked about 6,000 years ago.

They were joking.

Well, the company's only 80 years old.

But I saw the paperwork.

Anyway...

ours is not to reason why.

Ours... is to deliver packages.

I love you...

tiger.

I love you, Maud.

I may be out of line here,

but I've been following up on Aziraphale's comments

during our last meeting.

I went back through the Earth observation files.

I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation.

'Course.

Would you have any objection to me following this up

using back channels?

There are no back channels, Michael.

It's me.

It's our man Aziraphale.

Is there any possibility he's working for you?

No?

Well, then, you might want to investigate the activities

of the demon Crowley.

Might be playing his own game.

Word to the wise.

No, I'm... I'm telling you, you can't trust him.

Of course you can trust me.

I'm an angel.

Crowley. Crowley. Crowley.

What have you been playing at?

Where should I go?

England's out.

America's out.

Atlantis? Didn't exist yesterday.

It exists today. Still out.

The moon.

No atmosphere. No nightlife.

Alpha Centauri.

That's always nice this time of year.

Beautiful nebula. Look at that.

I helped build that one.

I only ever asked questions.

That's all it took to be a demon in the old days.

Great Plan?

God, you listening?

Show me a Great Plan.

Okay, I know you're testing them,

you said you were going to be testing them.

You shouldn't test them to destruction.

Not to the end of the world.

Shouldn't be allowed. Bloody lorries.

No respect for other road users.

In the old days, and it wasn't that long ago, really,

there was an angler every dozen yards,

children played here,

courting couples came here to hold hands

and to get all lovey-dovey in the Sussex sunset.

He did that with Maud before they were married.

They came here to spoon

and, on one memorable occasion, fork.

Party by the name of Chalky, sir?

Look at that river.

Yes, sir. It's the pollution.

Progress, you could call it.

It's just so... damn beautiful.

It's a funny old world, though, isn't it? And no mistake.

I mean, you go all over the world delivering,

and then you wind up practically in your own backyard,

so to speak.

I've been to Africa,

and Des Moines.

That's in America, sir.

And now here I am.

And here's your parcel, sir.

You have to sign for it.

There you go.

Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning.

Or is it sailor's warning?

Everybody's warning.

The third of the Four Horsemen

took over when Pestilence retired.

Erm...

They've had lots of interesting jobs

in lots of interesting places.

Helped design the petrol engine,

plastics and high-tech weed killers.

They've killed as many people as Famine or as War.

This is Pollution.

That one nearly had me.

Oh.

I'm afraid so.

I've got a message for you, sir.

It's not a package.

It's a message.

Deliver it, then.

It's just this.

"Come and see."

Finally!

What does it mean, sir?

It's a call to action.

War and Famine.

Pollution and Death.

Today, we ride.