American Dad!

Oh, God, oh, God, an activist.

Quick, pretend we're on the phone.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Sorry. We're pretending to be on the phone.

Tough spot.

I was here last week

trying to organize a cleanup for garbage island,

and I couldn't even get a page of signatures.

Really?

I had to go inside and buy a second clipboard,

I got so many signatures.

You must really have a noble cause.

I do. It's called Bad Animals.

Oh, I hate it when people treat animals badly.

No, there's some really terrible animals out there.

Just last week, some elephant tried to attack a poacher.

Bad elephant!

What?! You can't be serious.

She sounds serious. I'd like to hear more!

I don't have to hear more!

I'll sign whatever you got, beautiful.

Hey, why don't we line up on that side for the petitions,

and behind me to touch the hair.

I can't believe this.

Pick a line, buddy!

# Good morning, U.S.A. #

# I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day #

# the sun in the sky has a smile on his face #

# and he's shinin' a salute to the American race #

# Oh, boy, it's swell to say #

# Good... # # Good morning, U.S.A. #

I feel I've outgrown walgreens.

Someday, I'd like to make it to the big city

and go to a Duane Reade.

Oh, you have not lived until you've been to Duane Reade.

Duane Reade is magical!

Oh! They have these divine mini nail clippers!

I need to hear this.

There's a woman out front getting signatures

where last week, I was totally ignored.

Hey, look, it's DJ Iron Monkey!

Ooh, I love him!

Oh, my God! Look at his yacht!

He's not only rich, he's incredibly wealthy, too.

But he's also an environmentalist.

His yacht is solar-powered.

Forget the sun. What's powering those abs?

Look at the definition on those abs!

Yep. Abs.

Listen to what he says about his charity work.

"DJ Iron Monkey doesn't do it to get his name out there.

"DJ Iron Monkey does it

"because DJ Iron Monkey thinks it's amazing,

like DJ Iron Monkey's music."

These are his own words.

You know, I've never used these ribbed ones,

but I assume they work like gangbusters.

Ah, home is where the... fliers are?!

Ugh! There's got to be a better way.

Whoa! I thought you were gonna be David Blaine!

These damn fliers!

I'm telling you, they're a fire hazard.

I'm sick of 'em! Makes me want to move.

I mean who needs...

"Hillside Acres, a gated community.

Tired of all those fliers on your door?"

Oh, my God! I was just saying that!

Then we wouldn't have to put up with this trash anymore.

10% off my next treat at TCBY?!

Wait a minute. Are these all amazing?

"Missing child."

I don't see how that's a deal.

What am I doing wrong?

That blonde outside of walgreens was getting signatures.

Come on, Hayley.

Everyone knows blondes get more attention.

Scientists have proven it.

But their research was ignored

because they were boring, brown-haired scientists.

From the gentlemen at the bar.

Looks like brunettes get attention, too.

That's not yours! That is not for you!

Come on! Be serious! It's for the blonde!

Thanks!

Uh, she'll be fine. Don't worry about her.

We're not!

Rosalie's Pizza? I have a very important question.

Do you deliver to Hillside Acres?

Yes! Good, good.

My next question, which is so important

that it should have been my first and only question...

do you accept half-burnt coupons?

He's checking. He's checking!

Whoo-hoo! Maybe!

Dad, these houses aren't done yet.

Besides, the gate's locked.

That is a beautiful gate!

And imagine how many fliers this thing can hold!

Wait, I thought we're moving to get away from the fliers?

Oh, lord, no. Keep up, Steve.

We're moving here to keep the riffraff out.

The fact that we'll be tripling our flier intake

is just a huge, huge, huge, huge...

What were we talking about?

About why on earth we would leave our perfectly good house

where our family has so many memories to come here.

It's the goddamn riffraff!

But this gate will keep them out!

I mean, were they to try to get in,

they would have to kneel down, raise their partner's foot,

and hoist them over...

Aah! Oof!

And who's to say how his accomplice would get in?

Oh, look!

A private mini zoo just for the residents.

Dad, those are guard dogs.

Well, they should all be fired,

'cause we got in here pretty easily, especially me.

Steve, there's our dream house.

Where?

You see the one that's bathed in that ray of sunlight?

It's the one right next to it.

Yeah, that's the one.

# I'm gonna go hear some jazz at Pips #

# and see some gorgeous half-black girls #

You want to go, Francine?

Roger, did we bring all the bags in?

I can't find my hair dye.

Francine?!

But if you're there, then I must have been talking to...

...Dolly Parton?!

Oh, my God!

Dolly, it's such an honor to have you in our house!

I've seen "Smoky Mountain Christmas"

like 400 times!

Turn, Dolly!

Spin and point your face at me

as soon as you feel comfortable!

"Nine to five," alive! It's Hayley!

This I can work with.

I hope you're up for some fun, blondie.

Thanks, but I didn't dye my hair to have fun, okay?

I did it so that people would pay more attention

to what I have to say.

Oh, yeah, of course. That's what I meant.

And I know where you can make the most difference...

celebrity charity events.

Roger, come on.

I always thought those events were just publicity stunts.

Oh, no way.

The bigger the dollars, the bigger the change.

That's why tonight, we're going to a benefit at Dush.

I don't know.

I even have the perfect guide.

Jojo Quinoa!

And just like the Superfood, I'm for sale at Trader Joe's.

Behind Trader Joe's.

For free.

We can put a pool table over here.

Oh, and this is a perfect spot for a breakfast nook.

Steve, come pretend we're having cereal!

Is something wrong, son?

No, dad, nothing's wrong.

It's clear you're not feeling the house, Steve.

Well, what do you want me to do, huh?

Pretend I like it

when I really don't want to move in the first place?!

Pssh!

Damn it, son! Don't you get it?!

Change is good! Come on! Follow me!

Son, this is your room.

Go on... take a look out that door there.

Tell me what you see.

It's a sun deck.

A-and there's a jacuzzi!

Just imagine all the killer parties

you're gonna have up here.

This is the house, Steve.

This is where your life finally comes together.

My life's okay. It sucks.

But think about what it could be.

I like video games.

I like Scaredy Boys.

Uh... you and I clearly have stuff we need to work out.

I'm beginning to get the picture, papa.

This party is amazing.

There must be so much money being raised.

Cocaine is so much more fun when it's for a good cause.

Hey, speaking of causes,

have you ever heard of garbage island?

I can't wait to hear all about it.

Let me go grab us a couple of drinks

so we don't get dry mouth

when we talk about garbage for hours.

I think they're serving owl here.

Or maybe that was a display.

Either way, I ate an owl.

Sounds like we're both knockin' it out of the park!

Man, this blonde hair is working.

Everybody's listening to me about garbage island.