Our Hero, Balthazar

You wouldn't believe the faces people make

when I just try to talk.

Well, they're gonna see.

They'll see.

I'm gonna make them care.

They'll see the real me.

God.

This loneliness is killing me.

Are you lonely too?

God!

This loneliness is killing me.

God!

This loneliness is killing me.

God.

This loneliness is killing me.

God.

This loneliness is killing me.

Balthazar, get off the phone!

There's someone important I want you to meet.

I'm busy.

Well, the internet will still be here when you get back.

Come on.

Balthazar.

I'd like you to meet Representative Hakeem Atkins,

the next senator of the state of New York.

Balthazar.

Balthy.

Balthy?

That sounds like a boy's name to me.

He looks like a man, Nicole.

Nicole, coming to DC this weekend, right?

Oh. I didn't know I was invited.

I need you by my side, Nicole.

It's my birthday this weekend.

Oh, well,

I'll let you two sort that out.

I know, I know, it's okay.

We'll talk to Antony.

Antony, my life coach?

- Fuck him. - He's right there.

Everyone has to grow up eventually.

Balthazar.

Bang, bang! Bang, bang, bang!

Bang, bang, bang!

You're supposed to barricade the door, guys.

Come on!

Now you're all dead.

Right now you're probably asking yourselves

who the heck we are.

Well, I'll tell you who we are.

We are Act On.

The global leader

in mass shooting preparedness training.

And do you know who you are?

And it breaks my heart every time I say this.

You are, statistically-speaking,

the number one target for mass shooters.

You know, real-life versions

of the simulation that you're taking part in

happen every day.

Just last week in Arkansas,

where the perpetrator didn't just have guns

and say they were planning an attack,

they had drawn out maps

indicating entry and exit points,

none of which was enough for the authorities

to stop the shooting before it happened.

Which goes to show

you are the last defense

in a mass shooting.

Let me ask you a question.

Who would you tell if a student said

they had a gun and they were planning an attack?

You.

Probably Ryan.

Ryan?

My family's chief of staff.

Okay, but then he would tell the principal, right?

Uh...

He'd probably reach out to Len first.

Who's Len?

My family's chief counsel.

Right.

You know, at Act On,

we study mass shootings all over the world.

And whether it's high schools or churches

or malls or movie theaters or parades,

really any public gathering--

Yeah, you.

You said, "all over the world"?

Yes. Act On is the number one consultancy firm

for mass shooting intelligence--

Um...

But this doesn't happen anywhere else in the world.

It's only in America where we have such easy access to guns,

coinciding with a zero-sum economy

and the monetization of narcissism,

all of which push hopeless, lonely people, kids,

into an annihilation mentality.

Yo, what?

That sounds like more of a comment than a question.

Here you go, Eleanor.

You're going to be one of our victims today.

This stuff comes out in the wash, right?

Okay. You probably think everyone here is über-wealthy,

but I'm on scholarship, so...

Excuse me. Can I be a victim too?

Uh... Whatever.

Hey, psst.

You okay?

What? Yeah.

It was a joke.

I love jokes.

I thought what you said earlier was really cool.

Super different.

Thanks.

It's pretty obvious, though, right?

Talk to each other in real life.

Be actual IRL friends.

Contribute to social good.

Why do all that when you can just create

some douchebag company that gets paid

to pretend terrorize us?

We're just like chasing the violence we create,

you know?

Yeah, no.

Totally.

If you're really interested,

I'm hosting a rally tomorrow in Washington Square Park.

You should come.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I will.

And I'm super interested.

Hey, you guys, you're supposed to be dead.

Anybody taking this seriously?

What you just heard was a chilling account

of what happened inside the Arkansas City shooting...

Hey Esteban,

Why do you think people shoot kids in schools?

Huh? Um...

That's not something you have to worry about, Balthy.

Yes, Hakeem is very charming, isn't he?

So, going into this next cycle,

how much do you think you and Walter can give?

"'We're fighting for our lives here,'

exclaimed 19-year-old James Howe."

"We're f--We--We're-- We're fighting for our lives."

"We're fighting for our-- for our lives here."

"We're fighting for our lives."

"We're fighting for our lives here."

I just saw the news about Arkansas City.

No, you're not there yet.

Try again. Try again.

This awful country's just...

chasing the violence it creates.

It's not fair!

One more time.

I just heard the news about Arkansas City.

Just give us IRL friends.

We're fighting for our lives here.

I wanted to be honest with you guys.

And what do I fucking get?!

Nothing!

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

That fucking shoot--

Did you only touch me 'cause I was little?

Why did you rape me?

You're a fucking pedo!

Cry about this, pussy.

This shit is all I think about every day.

Are you lonely?

Of course I'm lonely.

I'm a fucking school shooter.

For real?

Want to see what I'm gonna do?

That's the Arkansas City shooting.

This is the shit they won't show on the news.

Hey Esteban,

do you like Hakeem?

I'm not big into politics, Balthy.

Why not?

If you ask me, it's a big grift.

What's a grift?

A con.

Thieving. They make you care about something,

they take your hard-earned money

and don't do nothing with it.

It's a grift.

Eleanor.

Eleanor. Hey.

- Bye. - Bye.

What happened, where's the protest?

Oh, um, only ten people showed up.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, come on!

We're fighting for our lives here.

Yeah, I know.

Well, what are you doing now?

So this is what a $50 million view looks like.

Holy shit. Is that the Met?

We have an indoor pool too.