Poker Face

(train horn blaring in distance)

Woman: George.

I'm a murderer.

Taffy: Look, Lou, I'm not yanking your chain, okay.

Matter of fact, I just closed on a massive beef rub deal.

I got a license deal with McCormick.

All we need is a few John Hancocks,

and the green will start rolling in.

Lou: (on phone) Goddamn it, Taffy,

do you know who you borrowed from?

These are Dallas people.

They send someone down to deal with you,

-they're gonna deal with you! -(phone ringing)

I got another call comin' in, but hear me out.

Just tell 'em everything's gonna be okay.

It's just, it's all in escrow, man.

Alright, I'll talk to you. Bye.

Whew.

Taffy Boyle speakin'.

Man: (on phone) Oh, hi. This is Michael Larson

from Port Arthur Bank and Trust,

and I just wanted to go over...

Taffy: Nope.

Jamie, how's your ma doing?

Oh, her back's not so good.

Aw, shucks, you know, I'm gonna give her

a shoutout on the show tonight.

Jamie: That'd make her week, Taff.

Sheriff, you better have a warrant

the way you harassing that meat right there.

Brisket's so good, ought to be illegal.

Look here, everybody:

Don't forget to floss.

And remember what we like to say,

you know what our slogan is:

"We'll put the meat in between your teeth,

but you gonna get it out."

Where have you been?

Come on, Mandy. Look, I'm not a teleporter.

I got here as soon as I can.

You need to talk to your brother.

He's just been standing in the meat locker

like some kind of ghost.

Taffy: He's your husband. You know how he gets.

What's the problem now? What, the new kid,

he used hickory instead of apple wood?

This is different, Taffy.

I've never seen him like this.

Hey, George.

We have built a temple of carnage.

You bet your ass, brother, we have.

Oh, whoa, wait a minute.

Uh, look, look here, George,

when we done with this beef rub deal,

okay, how about,

how about you and Mandy take a vacation,

go to the Gulf and celebrate.

It'd be your second honeymoon.

Matter of fact, here, I got the contract right here.

We can get everything done right--

I don't need a vacation.

I need out.

You need o-o-out of what?

Out of all of it.

The restaurant, the beef rub deal,

the self-perpetuating cycle of endless cruelty.

I'm going vegan, Taffy.

Y-y-you're going vegan?

I no longer want to participate

in the sale of animal products.

Taffy: Okay, uh, George,

you're a renowned pitmaster.

Your whole dang life has been animal products.

Which is why this is hard for me.

I'd like to take my half of the business

and begin the next phase of my journey.

Come on, man, you know I can't buy you out.

I don't save like you.

I already spoke to JJ Ruskin in town,

and he could take a look at our books.

He'll give us a fair shake.

What the fuck do JJ Ruskin know about our books?

Huh? Why the fuck are you talking to--

He don't know-- Look here, let me tell you something,

I do my books a special way

It's only a certain way I can understand.

JJ Ruskin not gonna understand how to do my fucking--

Hey, we're going to figure this out.

Alright? Don't worry.

But this is happening.

Mandy, I feel like...

like everything's closing in, you know?

I don't know what to do.

Okay...

Now look here, y'all know I love to run my mouth.

But you have to know that my brother George

is the real genius.

That's right. He could take a piece of meat

and make it into something divine.

And you know what make George so good at what he do?

Is how much he cares about the details.

Now look, I thought I'd come by one last time,

to see if I can convince you to change your mind.

Hmm?

You sure?

I'm sure.

How about we do this, let's, let's--

Why don't we just sit here and enjoy...

this beautiful sunset.

Mm.

Daddy's ax.

Remember all those

wood-splitting competitions we would have?

-Mm-hmm. -I could not beat you once.

I could not hold a candle to my brother George.

And Daddy damn sure made sure I knew that too.

Well, what good's a mean brisket

without butts on the benches.

You and Mandy made this place,

came up with the radio show.

Floss. People love the floss.

Yeah, they do love that floss.

You know, people take it home and...

use it with they own food.

I'm really going to miss you.

I really am.

You're going to be alright without me.

I know.

Everybody! Why don't we give it up for my brother George.

Taffy, what are you still doing here?

-You're on in five. -I'm going. I'm going.

Don't get your panties in a twist.

She's all ready for you, Mr. Boyle.

I appreciate that, Austin.

And here you go, here's a little something for you.

Oh.

Enjoy that.

Hey, there, come on,

Belgrade, hmm?

Pineland. Carthage. Nacogdoches.

And any other straggler that's tuning in.

You know what it is? It's your source for everything barbecue.

BBQ-and-A.

And I'm your favorite host...

: ...Taffy Boyle. (laughs)

But enough about me. I want to hear from you.

-(phone rings) -Caller, you're on the line.

Got some happy customers here, Taff.

Say hi, everyone.

Hi, everyone!

Hello, everyone. Back to you.

Now, look, that voice sounded really familiar to me.

Is that who I think it is, my sister-in-law Mandy Boyle?

Hey, Mandy. Won't you do me a favor?

Kick off the show with the first question.

What you eatin' there, Luce?

Best damn hot links in the state.

Ooh, best damn hot links in the state.

You know, so one of my favorite things

at Boyle Barbecue is the hot links,

and that's what this show should be about.

So I think tonight we ought to talk about

how the sausage gets made.

And I mean it literally.

Now, you guys know I love to run my mouth,

but you have to know that my brother George

is the real genius.

That's right. He could take a piece of meat

and make it into something divine.

And you know what make George so good at what he do?

Is how much he cares about the details.

We used to buy our hot links from a farm

that shall go unnamed.

But my brother George had a problem

with the texture of the casing.

-(window creaking) -He said to me, "Taffy,

from now on, we're sourcing our own intestines..."

...the intestine casing, they're thinking about

the meat inside, and that's a mistake.

The intestine is like a beautiful ship

that brings the meat on a journey...

Shit.

Taffy: (on recording) ...real careful, real gentle,

so they never see it comin'.