Long Weekend

Hey, Mr. Waters, this is Jeremy

over in Dr. Andrews' office.

Just calling to confirm your follow-up appointment

with Dr. Andrews tomorrow at 2.

Call if you have any questions. We'll see you then.

Bart, it's Dr. Andrews.

We missed you at your appointment yesterday,

so calling to check in.

It's important we maintain contact with patients

for a few months after they're under our care,

so let's get another appointment in the books.

Just wanted to make sure we avoid any backsliding.

Hey, B, it's Whit.

I got a call from

a psychiatrist's office yesterday.

I guess I must still be listed as your emergency contact.

You should probably change that at some point.

Anyhow, um, they wanted you to call

to set up an appointment soon.

I know it's none of my business now,

but I just want to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

So call them, Bart, please.

Okay, I'm thinking about you.

Bart, it's Dr. Andrews again.

It's really pertinent that you continue to...

Okay, well, I wish you hadn't done that.

But that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah.

- 409. - Sorry, I dozed off there.

Okay, well, this is an old building,

so, you know, you have to be sensitive about the plumbing.

Can I?

- Oh, help yourself. - Okay, well,

you know, the rule of thumb is that

if it's bigger than a goldfish, you don't flush it.

No. No, no.

Okay, no, I'll send a plumber over later.

Yeah. Bye.

That bitch

tried to flush a gerbil down the toilet.

Who does that?

Are we allowed to have gerbils here?

Not anymore. Fuck.

You're having a good day, aren't you?

You're lucky you have booze.

- Thanks for the shot. - Yeah.

So we're showing this place in 20 minutes. Is that okay?

Yeah. I'm gonna get out of here.

- Bart, don't leave me. - I wish I could stay,

but unless you want to get them to lower the rent by...

like, all of it, I got to go.

What am I gonna do without you?

You're gonna be fine.

Yeah, yeah.

So you'll be out by the beginning of next month?

Yes, ma'am.

- I'll miss you. -

Oh, 206. I hate my fucking job.

Eddie, what?

I'm not doing that.

Because I cannot control when 306 has sex.

Okay, well, I can't tell someone

they have to fuck on their couch

because their mattress is too loud.

Oh... shit!

Come on in, man. I'd offer to help, but hands are full.

Also, I don't want to.

- That all your shit? - No.

Not all, but not much left.

Right on. We got plenty of space.

- Teddy, don't do that. -

I'm not Teddy. I'm Naked Guy.

All right, well, Naked Guy, don't do that.

Jeez. Rachel! Rach!

Jesus, I'm going to the bathroom.

Eve needs you, and Naked Guy's fucking up the chair again.

I just want two seconds of peace.

Oh, my God, I'm just a dad!

Let's get you situated, man. Come on.

Naked Guy!

Man, are you sure me staying here isn't too much?

Fuck no, man. You need to get out of that place.

Besides, it'll be fun having you around.

- It's like old times, you know? -

Rachel? Rachel!

You could stay here as long as you want, dude. Seriously.

- The kids love you. Hey, I got her.

- Oh. - Listen, Teddy has left

something very upsetting next to the toilet on the floor.

If you could... Hi, Bart.

- Hi. - Welcome.

So happy to have you. Don't use the bathroom.

- Are you on your way? - Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Bye.

I should get this job, so I'll be out of your hair soon.

Dude, shut up.

All right? You can stay here forever.

I mean that. Okay?

Mm.

Wow.

So, yeah, man, um,

I read through your samples, and, um,

I mean, I'm no literary critic or anything,

but they seem really good to me.

- Thank you. - For real, dude.

I love this one about the guy whose fiancée left him

and then he has a nervous breakdown.

I mean, that's...

It feels so real.

Well, it should.

I thought Marley & Me was sad, but...

Hey, hey, you ever see Marley & Me?

- I-I have not. - Oh, you should.

I love dog movies. But spoiler, the pup dies.

Mm.

I kind of feel like you're too good for this job.

Oh. Well, thanks for saying that, but, you know,

to be honest, stories like that

don't really help keep the lights on.

Well, you won't write anything

super creative like that for our catalogs,

but, uh, I bet you'll have fun with it.

Writing is writing to me, you know, honestly,

so I am happy to tackle anything.

Okay. Well, it's pretty straightforward.

We give you a product and a bunch of research data,

and then you just write up something

that sounds exciting to our clients.

Um, like this fella.

Uh, this is, uh, a new catheter.

Yeah, you can hold it.

It's smaller and more malleable.

You barely even know it's there.

Well, probably, you know it's there

because it's a huge tube that's going up your penis.

Well, smaller and more malleable

does seem advantageous

- in the world of penis tubes. - See?

That already sounds better.

Well, we'll let you know.

And, uh, hey, I always tell new friends...

I'm really into game nights, if you ever host one.

Hey, one, please.

Bart, Dr. Andrews again.

Uh, still haven't heard from you.

I would really encourage you to set an appointment soon.

It's really not a big thing.

It's just to assess how you're feeling

and make sure the new dosage is working for you.

So, uh, just call my office, and we will get you in here.

And it was the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

Hey, buddy.

Buddy.

Hey, buddy.

The movie's over.

Hmm?

The movie's over.

Oh, shit.

- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

Hey! Hey, bud.

Your jacket.

- Oh, shit. Thanks. - Yeah.

You left it, uh, on your seat.

Uh... Heh.

I was kind of drinking a little bit in there.

Yeah, I saw that.

Oh, wow.

I'm really batting a thousand here, aren't I?

It's okay. It seems like

a pretty fun way to spend an afternoon.

Yeah. I've had worse.

Thanks. Thanks again.

- Hey. - Hmm?

Do you know where I could maybe

grab one of those around here?

Oh, you mean go get a drink?

Yeah.

Um, there's two bars pretty close, actually.

- Uh, one is kind of a dive. - Uh-huh.

And the other is, like, a little fancier.

It's one of those craft cocktail mixology type places.

Okay, cool. Let's go.

I'm sorry. You want me to go?

Yeah. I just... I don't really know the area that well,

and I've just been wandering around by myself,

and honestly, I'm getting a little bored.

You seem like you're a relatively harmless human.

You don't murder people, do you?

No. Murder-free thus far.