Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

Where did you say you actually saw the alien, again?

You can read about that in the book I'm writing.

You killed him? Those aren't our orders!

Looks like you and I have different orders.

Hi. My son ran out of your office...

A few days ago.

He told me you're an alien.

He even convinced the deputy to draw this.

You want to make fun of me too?

No. Because I believe you.

Hey, hey. Hi!

You guys want some?

Those are Sam's.

This prescription was written after he died.

Jay?

When I was 16, I got pregnant.

I gave the baby up for adoption.

There's another dead body.

That foot belongs to the guy I killed.

Why are you on my beach?

Rest of that body's got to be out there somewhere.

We're searching this entire lake.

Goo, goo, goo, goo.

Bill! Ah.

No.

Ah...

No.

Evidently, I dream now.

Ah.

All right, up and down here.

This disruption is infuriating

and very disrespectful.

How am I supposed to sleep

or bury the dead guy in my freezer

with all these people out here?

All right, let's pick up the pace.

We got to get this stuff out of here

before the snow hits.

This body needs ten hours of sleep to function,

and your domesticated wolf woke it up

before even six hours.

Well, it must suck to get so much sleep

and still look like shit.

Sorry, Dr. V.

We moved our search to the shore.

We strongly believe the body washed up on the beach.

How do you know that?

Because I can feel it...

in my balls.

Well, and I checked the currents.

So the currents and the sheriff's balls.

Currents aren't always accurate,

and you shouldn't trust your balls.

They're nuts.

Ha‐ha, ha!

I made a joke! Ha‐ha‐ha!

I made a joke!

Ha! Ha‐ha‐ha!

What the shit is that?

What a lonely species.

Not only did humans invent dogs for companionship,

they insist on gathering together

in groups to eat food.

All I need is an empty room, a spoon, and a pie.

Good news.

We are getting closer to finding a new town doctor.

I mean, nothing for sure yet. I just‐‐

I didn't want you to think that I forgot.

You're still sitting with me. Yep.

So I also wanted to ask you what you are doing tonight.

I was thinking of chopping up

the body in my freezer.

Spring cleaning.

Ah.

Well, Kate and I would really like

to have you over for dinner.

I have food at my house.

Look, um...

we all know that Max has been having a hard time

with the whole "you're an alien" thing.

Oh. Bless you.

Um, we just thought that maybe if he could see you

in a more comfortable setting like our home,

he might not freak out anymore.

So...

we're having you over for dinner,

and I'm not taking "no" for an answer.

What do you say? No.

Na‐na‐na‐na‐na!

And, uh, I heard nothing.

And I will take your silence as a "yes."

And see you at 6:00.

Whoa.

It's a little early, don't you think?

Honestly, come on.

But I'm down if you're down.

These are the pills from the party.

They were dated after Sam died.

That means someone who was there last night

was connected to Sam's stolen prescription pad.

Hmm. Jay. Obviously.

No. She wouldn't do that.

I'm just saying, she's 17, so she's...

at least part idiot.

I mean, we did tons of crazy shit when we were 17.

Mm‐hmm. Mostly you.

Me? Eh...

Oh, I'm pretty sure that you're the one

that stole Greg Smith's tractor.

You kidnapped Len Peazy's fish

and sent a ransom note.

How about "ceiling fan Olympics"?

Oh! Drunk ice diving.

Sharpie teardrop tattoo.

Jimmy.

You win.

The mayor asked me to come to his house tonight

for dinner.

I need you to go so you can talk to them

and I can sit alone.

That's a little weird, and I'm busy.

I have to help my dad make a cake for my niece's birthday.

Mm.

Maybe D'arcy would like to go.

I mean, I cou‐‐ I can't.

I‐I'm just‐‐I'm not free

except for from 5:00 to midnight, so when is it?

6:00 p. m. Oh.

Well, there you go. It's right in there.

Yeah, so you're lucky I'm free.

I wasn't going to pay you.

That would make you a prostitute.

Yeah, I like him.

Morning. Hey.

Oh.

I thought you could use the help.

Mm. Thank you.

Sorry about last night. Mm‐mm.

I don't know what got into me.

Nope. No need to explain.

I don't think there's a house in Patience

I haven't partied at.

Really?

You know, me and D'arcy,

we used to do a lot of dumb shit.

Is it true...

she got a speeding ticket on a stolen tractor?

Yeah.

Also, I stole beer for a guy from a gas station I worked at.

You ever do anything like that?

What?

Nothing. I just...

There were some pills that were being passed around

at the party last night,

and I think that maybe they were prescribed

from that missing pad.

Are you being serious right now?

What?

You think I stole them?

No! Not like‐‐not like that.

Like what, then? What's going on?

She thinks I stole the missing prescription pad.

Why would you ask her that?

See? Even he thinks you're crazy.

Of course she stole it.

Statistically speaking... it was you.

I didn't say it. He said it. This is ridiculous.

Look, I wasn't‐‐ Unbelievable.

Harry.

No. That is not yours.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Max, honey. Can you come in here?

Cookies. This must be bad.

Your dad and I have something we want to talk to you about.

I knew this day was gonna come,

and I just want you to know I'm okay with it.

You are?

Yeah.

I'll live with Dad Monday to Wednesday

and every other weekend,

and I'm with Mom on Thanksgivings,

'cause she can cook turkey.

Wait, wait. You think that we're getting a divorce?

Love is fleeting.

Honey, we aren't getting a divorce.

We just want to tell you that Dr. Vanderspeigle

is coming to dinner tonight.

What? No!

Why can't you just be getting a divorce?

Max for Sahar. Come in, Sahar. Over.

Sahar here. Over.

I just wanted to say goodbye.

My life is over. Over.

What do you mean, "It's over‐over"?

Over.

My parents invited the alien over for dinner,

so I'm dead soon.

This is great news!