Dreamcatcher

How many times are you going to keep calling me?

Unless you're calling to confirm first-class,

three rooms and a driver,

he's not showing up

to your heathenistic poor man's Coachella.

No, no, no. No, don't take it personal.

I'm his publicist, sweetie. That's my job.

He's on the verge of becoming a goddamn star.

Who?

Listen, I don't care if Aoki, Harris, and Garrix

are circle jerking to the best next dance song

since the Macarena.

If you want my client, put up or piss the fuck off.

Always want the most for the least.

I mean, same.

But that's what I get paid for.

I swear to God.

Hi, Colton.

I thought you were someone else. I'm sorry.

Yes, I did everything you asked me to do.

No, I don't know.

This place is a fucking trashcan.

Just tell me where the cash is,

so I can dip the fuck out of here.

Fantastic. Thanks.

Shit.

Oh!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, Kya, you deceitful little minx.

Eh?

Bitches got to eat.

Hey, you can't be back here.

This is for professionals only.

Fans think they can do whatever they want,

whenever they want.

You self-deserving little shits.

Whatever, I'm fucking out of here.

No!

No!

Fuck. Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Even if she makes it out, she's fucked.

Come on, she's literally 10 minutes away

from an infection.

Jake, it's horror.

Seventy years of genre tropes tell us

that gore porn is not about logic,

it's about the squirm factor.

Okay, remember when we were 8 and I fell off my bike?

Remember, you wouldn't help me up because the skin was...

- Oh! Yeah. - ...hanging off my knee.

Yeah, yeah. You left me at the playground.

The playground where that homeless bag lady

used to quote old episodes of "Murder She Wrote."

Look, now you watch this shit like it's SpongeBob.

Well, it practically is. It's not real.

It's real enough.

Oh, my God, you are an actual limp dick.

Is there anything else you're still holding a grudge about?

Eat me.

I'm being serious.

So we're about to be 22 next month.

If you've got any repressed prepubescent confessions,

I need to know.

It's best-friend privilege.

- You're ridiculous and awful. - Isn't that why you adore me?

Here, you want some Skittles?

I had all the green ones, but you hate them anyway,

so you're welcome.

I give you once more your freedom.

I give you life.

Boo!

Not now. We're done.

I don't want to watch this anymore.

No, dude, you promised me,

a Halloween movie Fridays for entire month of October.

Your phone's getting more action

than my sister after she went on birth control.

I really don't want to talk to him.

He's like three cups of boyfriend material too many.

Uh, how so?

How so?

He's like overly communicative, and emotionally available,

and always wants to be with me.

Just not what a real relationship should be.

Sounds a bit like me and our friendship.

Is that not real either?

Oh, yeah, but we're not sleeping together.

Well, I hate to break it to you,

but sleeping with someone

doesn't make a relationship real either.

Can I just be 21?

Can I just be completely incapable

of emotional commitment to internalized self-loathing?

- A lot of big words. - A lot of big words.

You know, I don't know what I want.

Maybe I'm just having, like, an emotional midlife crisis.

It's that sociopathic floodgate breaking.

Yeah.

You're becoming who you really you are.

You are going to be last to die on my shit list.

How's that for real friendship?

- Ooh! - Hmm?

Can you get it?

Nice, Jake.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That was a little harsh.

Probably should've given you a heads up, huh?

Ivy, is that you?

You're actually such a puss.

- Hi. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

You must be Brecken.

That's me. Nice to meet you.

Thought you guys weren't supposed

to be here till tomorrow.

- Surprise! - Surprise.

Oh, wait.

Oh, no.

Did I ruin the consummation

of years and years of friendship?

Nope.

Just watching some horror movies.

Oh, God, you guys are so boring.

I blame you, Jake.

- Oh. - I'm kidding.

- Nice to see you, too, Ivy. - Oh, come on.

How was the flight?

You know, ouch.

I feel like I haven't seen you in decades.

It's been three years, huh?

Yeah, it has.

Oh, I missed you so much.

I missed you, too.

- So you want to...? - Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

Hey.

So uh, what's the deal there?

Friends.

Friends is the deal.

Cool.

Cool. Same. Yes.

Me and Pierce, I mean.

- Yeah? Oh. - Yeah.

Oh, my God!

- Are you fucking kidding me? - No.

What? What? What is it?

Ivy, I can't believe you did this!

Did what? Not helping.

We are going out tonight.

Where?

To the sordid realm of...

Take a deep breath, because shit is about to get crazy.

- Cataclysm! - Cataclysm!

Dude, how did you do this?

Tickets sold out like the same day.

Well, I know your birthday isn't for another few weeks,

but I figured, since I'm going to be here anyway,

we could celebrate early.

That is awesome!

Wow, okay. Judging by the name,

I'm going to guess it's something anti-Jake?

No, no, you're going.

It is a 10-hour party with six different EDM artists,

and I hear that lewd acts and cocaine are encouraged.

Yeah, no.

It sounds like a breeding ground for an STI.

I'm going to sit this one out.

You... You got plenty of friends, Pierce.

I didn't want to have to do this,

but remember high school freshman year?

Beaver first, questions later, Trisha?

- You got chlamydia. - Wait, why are you doing this?

I covered for your ass and told the nurse

I need a Z-Pack for a lady-part staph infection.

Whoa.

You never paid me back for that.

I don't feel like being sandwiched

between wasted white girls

wearing ill-fitted neon leggings and flower crowns.

Oh, come on, you would be so lucky.

I get enough of that on Instagram, okay?

A bunch of millennial sheep heading to the slaughter.

Honey, I am an excellent shepherd.

Just not a good sister.

I'm kidding.

Also, these tickets were really fucking expensive

and I have crippling med school debts,

so maybe you could put a pin in your anxiety

for just one night.

I will let you off the hook for Halloween movie Fridays.

Uh...

I'm going to regret this.

Hunter, hello?

God, you're so strong.

Have you been working out?

Shut up.

Are you kidding me?

Hunter?

Mm.

Un-fucking-believable.