Veneno

Do you prefer men or women?

Men.

-Do you identify as a man or a woman? -Rather like a traffic light, love.

-I need an answer. -I identify as a woman.

-Have you had surgery? -Which surgery?

-Genitals. -Oh the pussy one? No.

-Any mental health issues? -No.

-Any cases in your family? -Listen, honey.

These are very personal questions. But not that I know.

Who do you feel most comfortable with? Men, women or transgenders?

People who’re not assholes, for example.

Well, let’s start over again.

You go on and tell me.

Do you prefer men's or women's cellblock?

-Do I really get to choose? -Actually, you can't.

This test is aimed at a recommendation.

-Where would you rather go? -To the women's.

I'll do my best, I promise.

She can't go to the men's section.

She's a woman, so she should stay with women.

You do know it could be dangerous for her otherwise.

Are you insinuating we're incompetent?

No, not at all.

The inmate hasn't changed his ID and neither has he had surgery.

Legally he's a man, and as such he'll be joining a men's prison.

I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do.

I'm so sorry, Cristina.

-Undress. -Why should I?

Take your clothes off, now!

Your panties too.

Arms up.

The other arm...

Untie your hair.

Very good.

Now, stand up against the wall and turn around.

And cough.

-Is that how you want me to see? -Come on just cough!

Can put my cloths back on now?

Are we done?

You won't need those clothes here.

This is what you'll be wearing.

-Razor. -Please don't shave my hair off.

-Is for your safety. -Please, don't!

I'm gonna have such a good time!

-I'm gonna fuck you as hell! -Beautiful!

Faggot!

Come to the cell 23, we'll have fun!

-Faggot! -She's famous!

-Ortiz Rodríguez, José Antonio. -Fresh meat!

-A woman, finally! -Get in!

Why me? Do I look like a faggot?

-How about my hormones? -You won't need them here.

EPISODE 7 IT KINDA WENT THAT WAY

Paca!

What's going on? You scared me. It's just a bad dream.

-Where am I? -Here in Valencia, at my place!

-What do you mean in Valencia? -"La Paca's recovery house".

I must get out of here. I'm gonna die and nobody will know.

But what do you mean "Nobody"? I'm here with you all day.

I'm here like in a prison. Where's Valeria?

Valeria's in Madrid. She will be back in the evening.

-What are you doing? -Leave me alone.

You can't have those pills anytime you feel like it!

-Shut up! -No way!

You can't have them randomly. It's not candies!

-Leave me! -You're so annoying!

I'm gonna call Valeria, to tell her I got a call from TV,

we have to make it a scoop. She has to publish the book now.

There you again.

Every time a TV show calls, you lose it!

You're unbearable, Cristina! Well, I won't insist.

Go to Madrid, soak up some sun like Cybele in her square.

Jerk.

You didn't have to pick me up. I could've called a taxi.

Why would you pay when I can pick you up?

Mom, the articles I write pay for that, it's Vanity Fair.

I know, baby. I just really wanted to see you.

-How's Miguel? -Good, pretty busy.

Let's chat for a bit. How did it go in Madrid?

No that well, to be honest.

How about the meetings with the publishers?

They said the book is good, interesting...

-And? -They're still Veneno's memoirs.

-What's wrong with that? -She's a controversial figure.

So is Mario Conde and he's got a few books about him.

I know, but he's not a semiliterate transgender prostitute.

True, hun. I wasn't considering that.

Cristina is seen as a vulgar character, and a liar.

What are you gonna do?

-I have no idea, mom. -Oh, sweetie...

Why don't you go back to Seville and focus on your articles?

The book is wonderful.

It will be published, when the time is right.

No rush, my love.

What should I do, Cristina?

Don't give me that look, it doesn't help.

HI, BLANCA. I'M DESPERATE. CAN WE TALK?

HI BLANCA, IT'S VALERIA. I CAN'T FIND ANY PUBLISHER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO CAN YOU HELP?

HI BLANCA, THE BOOK IS FINALLY OVER CAN WE MEET? I'M IN VALENCIA.

-Martin and Sergio. -Luis Fernando and Carlos José.

Aimar and Coldo.

Fernando and Roberto.

José Antonio and Alberto.

-Luis and Pedro. -Ricardo.

Now before lunch,

go to Chucho's cell and give him full one,

it'll cover the cigarettes you owe me.

A blow job will be enough.

I'm not that stupid.

-Don't try to outsmart me. -Get off me.

What's up, hottie? Don't cover up.

I'm talking to you. Where're you rushing to?

Don't run!

Maybe you should do your job. Some day you'll find me dead.

I watch just like the rest. Quit the paranoia, José Antonio.

Man, are you gonna serve me?

Calm down, bro. I'll be serving you for the next six years to come.

You need a lighter, baby?

-What the fuck do you want? -Anything. Just introduce myself.

I'm Juan, everybody calls me Juanillo.

Are you a gypsy?

-If you want me to be, I will. -You look like a gypsy.

-What's gypsy about me? -Your aura.

-Are you new here? -I wish I was.

-I've been here a few times already. -Are you the spoilt prison brat?

-How do you know? -Working in the kitchen right away...

It's a huge favor.

-You got you valets here? -Smart woman, aren't you?

-You know your shit. -I'm doing my best.

Could a gypsy like me date a flower like you?

Paca!

-Here you are! -Has anybody seen her?

No one. She's been missing for three days, the lady hoe.

Her being away for one night is ok, but three days is too long.

She knows she's attending the Deluxe TV show.

You should've called me before.

You already have too much to deal with.

-Come. Let's go. -She's driving me nuts!

I can't deal with this anymore. I don't know how to help her.

Hello. La Fe Hospital please.

You all are brave now that I'm here alone.

-I better leave! -Fuck off, motherfucker!

Thanks for the ride, love.

I can't deal with more of this bullshit.

One of these days I'm gonna send her to hell.

Where is she?

I don't know how many of these I can take. I'm getting sick of her.

You know the last one? She went to an adults' cinema with four guys.

She got fucked like hell, and came with a dress full of cum,

saying: "I'm dead tired".

Zane! Come here! Oh wow, she looks gorgeous!

-Hey baby, how you been? -Long time no see!

Do you know who this is? You remember Valeria?

-No... -We met a long time ago.

Wait... Aren't you the boy looking for Veneno ages ago?

Yes! And here we are 10 years later, looking for her again!

Well...

Brittany, have you seen Veneno?

-No, she's hasn't been around. -She must be with some guy.

-Is she working again? -No, hun. She isn't.

-She has sex for free. -The kinky hoe!

And then she comes here drunk and brags about the hotties.

-To be honest, she's a handful. -Tell me about it.

She's been missing for three days.

You know she always ends up showing up somewhere.

Oh my! Two days completely lost.

-Paca, you're annoying. -Do you think that's normal?

Hey, where's this dude going? I don't want him here.

-He's my boyfriend! -You known him for a couple of days!

-I'm taking you to the TV set. -What TV? I'm not going there!

-You have to! -You've gone mental.

You just need to say that I'm a liar,

and we pull each other's hair, I told them I'd be bringing a scoop!

I'd do anything for you,

but I won't let you go say on TV that I stole money from you

in front of entire Spain and my family!

-Because that's a lie! -And why were you looking for me?

-Why? -Because it's been two days!

This body needs to be seen! You know what? I'm leaving!

Go on then. You are slimmer for sure, but you can't go anywhere like that.

You can't even talk with those horse teeth of yours!

-The truth is you're jealous of me. -What?

You banned me boyfriends, going to TV, living in Madrid...

You know what? Get fucked you faggot!

You sure will, slut! By the Romanians!

You surround with them, they'll ruin your life!

She thinks she can control me? This fucking queer!

No one controls me, I'm off to Madrid.

-Cristina, we just want to help... -Help you say?

You don't even bother to pick up my calls!

I'm sorry Cristina but it's giving me a hard time.

-What is? -Well some publishers are reluctant...

You can't get it published because you're stupid.

I'll get María Patiño to do it.

Valeria, let her go if she wants to! Enough is enough!

I'm gonna go down every single TV show.

I don't need any of you. Do you think I'm stupid?

-You two are conspiring together. -Conspiring?

You know what? You stay here, I'm heading to Madrid with him,