The Vampire Diaries

Previously on The Vampire Diaries

Kai is trapped in a 1903 prison world.

So Kai's gone?

As in for good.

I'm pregnant.

Marry me. - Yes!

I've always wanted a family.

It's never gonna happen for me.

Before the 1900s, Lily fell in with a group of witches

that were cast out of the Gemini Coven.

Heretics are ruthless,

vampires with witch power.

They can never be allowed to escape.

You turned me and left me on a passenger ship

full of headless corpses.

No. The night I turned you,

my friends and I were captured by the Gemini coven.

The ascendant is the only thing that can get my people back.

If I was human, we wouldn't work.

Exactly.

The cure to vampirism.

I left it out for you to find

since Damon was never going to offer it to you.

Why would you keep it a secret from me?

I'm so in love with you and I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to live without you either.

You're gonna take the cure, Elena.

And I'm gonna take it with you.

Don't tell me-- you've bailed on your shift,

and you're headed here to help me grade papers.

You know me so well,

except for the part where I would rather be covered

in Mrs. Robinson's intestinal bile

than grading term papers.

So I'll take that as a no.

I just realized that

tonight is my last shift as a single woman.

I can't wait to marry you.

And I am counting the days.

Me, too.

Dr. Laughlin? - Yes.

I'm officer Baker.

Is there somewhere private we can speak?

Sure.

What's this about?

I'm here regarding professor Saltzman.

I understand you two are engaged to be married.

Is something wrong?

Nope.

Everything

is just right.

Oh--oh, my God. No. No. No. I don't think you should...

Surprise!

No, no, no. This is not really happening.

Happy bachelorette! - Happy bachelorette!

What the hell's going on?

Happy bachelor party!

An entire diner to ourselves?

Actual heaven.

If Caroline were here, we would be planning a spa day.

But now she's M.I.A.

Understandable, considering.

So I figured we'd just stuff our faces.

You're geniuses.

Except aren't you a vegetarian?

Bonnie, don't ruin it.

I'm just saying that's not exactly a garden burger.

The baby is not ok with the no meat thing.

Besides, it's my party, and I'll eat what I want to.

I do wish this was vodka, though.

Right.

I don't want to know what Ric's doing, do I?

Probably at the movies.

Yeah, or--or mini golf.

I need ketchup.

So are we gonna talk about it?

What? - Seriously?

You're gonna make your best friend have to pry it out of you.

I know about the cure, Elena.

You do?

How is it even possible?

Damon called me last night,

and he told me everything,

including his insane plan to take it with you.

Damon called you?

He needed someone to talk to after you left

the conversation without telling him

what you were thinking.

That's not exactly how it happened.

And I quote-- "She stared at me like I was an alien

and then basically teleported out of the room."

Damon Salvatore stands in front of you

and tells you that he wants to become a human again.

Wouldn't you freak out?

I just--I needed some time to process.

I mean, 24 hours ago, I didn't even think

it was possible to become a human again.

But you want to be a human again.

Yeah.

Well, I did.

Honestly, it's all just very complicated right now.

You guys aren't full, are you?

What do you mean you offered to take the cure?

I just--I was standing there,

and it just sort of came out.

Ok. So how the hell does that even work?

It's easy.

Elena guzzles it, goes back to her old human self,

I feed on her, and as long as no one sucks it out of me,

then we grow old and die of the common cold.

Ok. So you screwed up, and now you're freaking out.

I didn't screw up.

Damon, if you take that cure,

you can never be a vampire ever again.

All right?

Listen to me.

You're writing checks your ass can't cash, all right?

Now you're getting cold feet.

Are you projecting?

You seriously want to be a human?

I want to be with Elena.

And what did Stefan say?

Do you honestly want to spend your last night

as a single man debating my existential crisis?

Damon, tell me you told your brother of 166 years

that you're planning on becoming human.

I will.

Eventually.

To you.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Well, considering the guy who lives here

tried to kill us a few days ago, I don't blame you.

Yeah, but we're here for Ric, right?

I'm here for the free booze.

Beer plus pain meds equals another trip to the hospital.

You chose now to learn math?

Who the hell invited you?

Damon.

Never been to a bachelor party before.

I can see the appeal.

Where's Stefan?

Don't know, don't care.

It's Caroline,

But, duh, you knew that because you called,

so leave a message, and I'll call you back.

Bye!

You're so happy in your voicemail.

Speaking of happy,

that thumping bass you hear in the background,

that's, um, Damon's genius idea to host Ric's bachelor party

despite the fact that our mother

apparently lives here now,

who I've been ducking, by the way,

in case you haven't noticed.

I guess what I'm saying is call me back.

otherwise, I'm gonna start running out of reasons

to avoid everything that is going on in my life right now.

Kind of like what you're doing,

which is completely understandable

but just really crappy timing for me and my problems.

You should be here.

Come home.

That was utterly adorable.

What are you doing in my bedroom?

Oh, believe me, there are a number of places I'd rather be--

Strapped to a gurney, having my spleen cut out for instance.

Unfortunately for me, I'm here

because your mother needs your help.

My mother?

Apparently, her beloved ascendant's been destroyed.

She's in bad shape.

Could use a bit of your time.

What the hell do you know about my mother?

Hello, mother.

I think it's time you and I have a talk.

This is entirely unnecessary.

I was merely getting a breath of fresh air.

What you got there, a junkie tic?

I have the same thing.

It's funny how that works, isn't it?

What is this, some kind of...

mother-son bonding experiment?

No, no. You made your feelings for me perfectly clear

when you had to spin a web of lies to snap my humanity back on.

I don't know what Enzo told you,

but I assure you I'm fine.

You know, Enzo told me a lot of things,

including that after losing all hope of getting your friends back

you went off the deep end last night.

A momentary lapse.

I mean, I figured since you passed the ripper gene on to me--

thank you for that, by the way--

we could talk about it.

There's nothing to talk about.

You know

Personally when I start feeling like I'm gonna go over the edge,

I begin to salivate in the back of my mouth.

Does that ever happen to you?

And then my veins, they begin to itch uncontrollably,

and the hunger consumes me--