Anxious Nation

We're so happy to be in this beautiful sanctuary

to celebrate the bat mitzvah of the one and only Sevey.

You're not an adult right now. We know that.

You're not paying the mortgage. You're not-- you know,

you're not getting a job and supporting yourself. You, you're--

You're on the brink of it.

My darling Sevey, what an honor and privilege

it is to be your mom, and to stand here before you

today to witness you become a bat mitzvah.

I'm very proud of you.

I can't believe I have a daughter who is 13.

Open up the card.

"I love you more than unicorns!"

That's a lot of love.

People always say how quickly the time goes

with our kids, but for us, each day, month, year

has been a journey, and not always an easy one.

The lessons I've learned in the past year

while studying this Torah portion and everything about it

is to stand up for what's right and only look forward

because the past is in the past.

While Sevey appears so confident and self-possessed in public,

getting to this day has not been easy for her.

Because since she was a baby, she's had an extremely anxious existence.

Anxiety, like, hurts my bones.

I don't know how to, like, say that, like, it hurts my bones,

and, like, it feels like a little piece

of my heart rips off every time.

It's become almost a daily thing

in our house for Sevey to have

a colossal meltdown where she lands on the ground,

can't catch her breath, and can't move.

I start getting this, like, gut feeling to just start

crying and start, like, hysterically melting down, um--

It feels like a giant person is just going like this to my head.

It just makes my body just, like, stop everything that it's doing

-and just... -

...break down.

Sevey's anxiety has left me feeling powerless as her mother,

and I know we're not alone.

The pressures our kids feel, the complexities of the world,

and their ability to cope with it has made anxiety

impact our kids on a level we've never seen before.

So I set out to make this film to understand what our kids are going through.

- It gets very hard to breathe... -

...and my head's pounding,

and I can't exactly think straight.

It became unbearable.

Every day, I dreaded going to school.

This, like, storm

of just negativity.

Suddenly start breathing really hard.

And you can't think straight, and you start screaming

and getting angry for no reason.

Anxiety is like worrying about your own shadow.

Anxiety in kids and teens is a national crisis,

and it's time we talk about it.

- -

The real joy, as well as responsibility,

of parenthood begins the day

the mother and father bring the baby home from the hospital.

Noah is our oldest child...

...and so as first-time parents, we just assumed

that, you know, crying 23 out of 24 hours a day was normal.

And I think it was actually when he first went to school

that we probably noticed it was as an issue.

We would drop him off.

They would assure us that it was going to be fine.

Cut off. Come to order.

And then he would go

to the other side of the building

outside for early recess,

and we would hear him screaming

as we walked away from the building.

It was just awful.

The first real memory I have

of being very anxious going to school,

I was clinging to the seat, um,

when my dad was trying to pull me out of the car.

And, uh, it almost became a sense of panic

when I was feeling anxious,

and I would all of a sudden start

to feel a little bit sick...

...and then my mind would start racing.

I would get really nervous

looking for a place to go,

maybe biting my nails and think, "Okay,

I'm gonna throw up soon, something bad is gonna happen,

and I won't be able to handle it."

And he would call and say, "My stomach hurts.

I think I'm going to throw up."

And it started as one phone call,

and then it became four, five, six phone calls.

And ending each day, uh, with Noah, uh, was a process.

It would take up to two or three hours

a night to put him to bed.

That was our routine.

And there was one night I said to him,

"But why are you so afraid to go to sleep?"

And he said, "Because tomorrow I'm gonna wake up,

and it's gonna start all over again."

We're at the children's museum.

Good girl!

Cooper, say hello.

Cooper, honey, be careful of the big kids.

- -Yay!

I wasn't really sure what it was,

but when she was... four...

...and we were applying to kindergarten,

she started to have some motor tics.

She was doing a very aggressive flinching of the arms.

-Mom, I can-- Like, it was like... -No, no, no, you don't have

-to demonstrate. So, it-- -It was like, I would go like this,

-like, constantly. -And it was

really painful to watch.

We took her to the pediatrician

just to tell her what was going on,

and the pediatrician said,

"Do you have any idea how anxious your child is

about all this kindergarten nonsense,

these interviews, these playdates?"

And I said, "Oh, I don't, I don't really think she's anxious."

And he said, "Yeah, I think she's really anxious."

Um, for me, I feel like it's just kind of something

that can really come in big, and it can last.

And sometimes, it makes you think

about all the bad possibilities.

It's just, sometimes, it feels like

you can't control it.

When I go to bed, I have a lot of things

beside me, like ChapStick,

and hair ties, and Vaseline, and tissues,

and... So that's just where I keep all that.

And then I get in bed.

I make sure my sheets are tucked.

That's just a way of comfort.

And then I organize all my things

and organize my things,

and I put them, like, in the middle.

Sometimes I just feel really overwhelmed with it,

like, "Oh, my God, what--"

Like, sometimes, I'll just have a minute, and I'll be like,

I need to get that thought out of my brain.

When I first started ha-- having anxiety,

it did start off with the stuffed animals

and the bedtime routine. I was having

an extremely difficult time sleeping.

I couldn't stop straightening things,

and closing things,

and making sure things were exactly how I wanted them.

Some nights, I would just... I would sit there,

and I'd say, "I can't stop. I think I'm gonna die."

That was really when we knew anxiety was something

that was definitely a part of everything,

and probably a part of the ticking

when she was, you know, four.

It's crazy to think about being a kid

and having episodes,

like panic attack level episodes.

Like, there was one instance where I couldn't find

where my mom was in the house,

and there was a locked door to my dad's studio,

and he wasn't home.

And at five or six, I punched my hand through,

like, a full pane glass door because I was so frantic

that she was on the other side and, like, needed me and that...

...you know, she needed help or something.

It was a, it was just a whole-- the way it escalated

was probably in 30 seconds.

And she had just been on the phone upstairs.

I wanna go to sleep because...

Well, Jonah, if you need to take a nap, that's fine,

but, you know, j-- we gotta read the book.

-There's nothing we can do-- -I can't take a nap, though.

I can't do anything!

You said it's just the one page is boring.

-It's-- you know-- -It is. It's so stupid!

If it happens, like, I'll just kind of feel

maybe s-- a little bit sick.

For the most part, I just want to scream, and being really upset,

and you just kind of start spiraling.

It's basically just when I have a bunch of stuff, like,

I guess a bunch of information,

like, coming in at once...

...or like bunch of things that people are telling me to do.