Modern Family

Why do I still have to come

to these family meetings?

I'm an adult.

She said, emerging from the basement

in her pajamas at noon.

Get off my back. It's Saturday.

Right? Yeah.

What is this meeting about?

Are the ducks back? 'Cause that was weird.

They saved us.

From people thinking we're normal.

Your mom starts her new job

running grandpa's closet company on Monday,

and you know how she gets when there are big changes.

Claire: Knockity-knock!

Oh, no. Not...

Mrs. clutterworth.

Who's ready to take everything we don't want

and toss it in the bin?

I am!

You get her arms, I'll get her legs.

I created Mrs. clutterworth

when the kids were little

as a way to make home organizing fun.

So fun. Super fun.

Maybe a little confusing.

Why?

Well, the name is clearly inspired

by Mrs. butterworth, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

But somehow she has a British accent.

Yeah, well, the kids

were super into Mary poppins back then.

Still missing a step.

Take one of these things up to your rooms.

Put everything in it you don't use.

Can't we just do this next weekend, or, like, never?

No.

I am starting my new job

and I want to leave things as organized as possible.

Most people just throw stuff into a closet.

As president of a closet company,

you should know that.

We're doing this.

Or, more to the point, if...

Oh, I think you've lost it, lost it, lost it.

Mitchell: I'd like to toast my dad

on his first day of retirement.

Congratulations on 42 years in the closet...

Business.

I think what I'm going to miss the most

is all the closet jokes.

Traditionally on an occasion this emotionally significant,

he man of the hour delivers a few well-chosen words.

I would just like to say...

I'm going golfing.

Dad, don't forget Lily's first flute recital

is on Thursday at 3:30.

I would love to be there,

but I'm really swamped at wo...

Hell, that snuck up on me.

It's okay, grandpa. I don't want you to come.

I stink.

Hey, no. No.

You do not stink.

I don't know why she's so bad.

She has a great teacher.

I was a brilliant flautist...

May have won best new soloist

at the lower ventura jazz happening.

I used to keep my trophy in my locker.

I'd stare at it every time the jealous kids

would stuff me in there.

Cameron: Hey, have fun today.

Ooh. Nice face candy.

Huh? The aviators.

You're gonna be the coolest guy on the golf course.

Hey, come here.

I'm dying to tell somebody.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

A secret? Just you and me?

Sorry, that had to come out.

Go on. I'm not going golfing.

I'm taking my first flying lessons today.

I always dreamed of being a pilot.

Oh, Jay, that's fantastic, and I... I totally get it.

I had a crush on the pilot

who flew the crop duster back home.

He had big, broad shoulders and a deep, husky voice

that, in retrospect, could have been pesticide-related.

Don't tell anyone, especially Gloria.

I want it to be a surprise.

Not a word.

I'm your man. You're wearing a purse.

This is a gentleman's tactical tote.

And I'll have you know,

this exact model was carried by a member of seal team 6.

Yes, while his girlfriend tried on dresses.

Knockity-knock!

What the hell are you doing?

Getting salon-quality haircuts

at a fraction of the price!

Thanks, flowbee!

Ow! Come on, guys.

Have you gotten rid of anything today? Yeah, all that.

That's one sock.

Oh, my goodness.

What in the world were we thinking?

Hey, gorgeous! Gimme a kiss!

I do not want Luke's dirty sock

anywhere near my mouth.

It's seen worse. No.

Oh, no.

Come on, guys. Stay focused.

I can't be the only one getting rid of stuff today.

Wait a minute. What is chickie doing in there?

It's broken. But every year when the kids were little

he was the star of easter!

I mean, besides Jesus. When you squeeze it, it says,

"Happy easter!"

Now when you squeeze him, he says,

"battery acid is leaking inside of me.

Let me die!"

Pbht!

Later.

She just took my favorite stick.

You need to control your woman.

That is your mother you're talking about...

So that's not happening.

I love chickie.

I love all of that stuff!

And I have a plan to get it back.

But maybe we'll let the flowbee go.

All right.

Manny, as requested,

a few of my favorite clown props.

What's wrong, Manny, you have too many friends?

Don't listen to him.

I volunteered to perform at Joe's school fair.

I'm closing the show.

Well, at least you know that going in.

Okay, snakes in a can,

endless handkerchief...

It will keep coming out of there

if you keep pulling it...

And, of course, the squirting flower.

Wow. Thank you so much.

Before you take these from me,

would you like a small glass of water?

Is that a dribble glass?

You're ready.

I think I'll pass

on the fake peanut brittle, though.

It's not even fooling preschoolers.

Okay, maybe.

Oh, hello, Gloria.

Thank you for brunch.

It was...

Revolutionary.

Yes. Goodbye.

Tough room. No, no.

Your bowtie is very funny

because it was spinning around,

but I just can't stop thinking about

this terrible dream that I had last night.

Oh, what was it? It was about Jay.

He was falling from a great height,

and you both were by my side,

and I was very sad because I knew that

I was never, ever going to see him again.

What do you think that that means?

How would I know? I have all the same information you have.

Excuse me, i need to make a phone call.

I don't know if Gloria's dreams

can predict the future like mine can,

but I do know that if something happened to Jay...

I couldn't live with myself.

Of course, I wouldn't have to,

because Gloria would kill me.

Ay, Jay left his phone again.

Cam.

Why are you calling Jay?

Am I?

I-i thought I was calling the gardener.

I forgot to leave the gate open,

so I should probably go let him in.

It'd be cruel to make Caesar climb another big fence.

You know that maneuver

where you fly straight up until you stall

and then pull out of the dive? Uh-huh.

Can we do that today? Nope.

Don't decide now. We'll talk when we're up.

Cameron: Hey, Jay!

Jay, hey, wait up.

Do you think we can take off before he gets here?

I think we can land before he gets here.

So this is a pre-check, right?

What are we looking for? Nothing.

Just trying to look cool for those girls over there.

Jay, I need to talk to you before you fly.

It's a matter of life and...