WandaVision

Oh.

A newlywed couple just moved to town.

A regular husband and wife.

Who left the big city To find a quiet life.

WandaVision!

She's a magical gal In a small town locale.

He's a hubby who's part machine.

How will this duo fit in and fulfill all?

By sharing a love like you've never seen.

WandaVision!

My wife and her flying saucers.

My husband and his indestructible head.

- Aren't we a fine pair? - (WANDA CHUCKLES)

What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs,

freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee?

I say, "Oh, I don't eat food."

Well, that explains the empty refrigerator.

- Wanda? Hmm?

Is there something special about today?

Well, I know the apron is a bit much, dear,

but I am doing my best to blend in.

No, no, there on the calendar.

Someone's drawn a little heart right above today's date.

- Oh, yes, the heart. - Hmm...

Well, don't tell me you have forgotten, Vis.

"Forgotten"?

Oh, Wanda, I'm incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything.

That's not an exaggeration. In fact, I'm incapable of exaggeration.

Well, then tell me what's so important about today's date.

What was the question again?

Oh, well, perhaps, you've forgotten yourself.

Me? Heavens, no. I've been so looking forward to it.

As have I.

Today, we are celebrating...

You bet we are.

- It's the first time we... - Mmm-hmm.

Have ever celebrated this occasion before.

It's a special day!

- Perhaps an evening... - Of great significance...

- To us both! - Naturally.

- Obviously. - Exactly.

Well done, us.

All right.

Well, that's me off to work, then.

Oh, don't forget!

I haven't.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Have a good day, dear!

Oh!

Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right.

My right, not yours.

Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block.

My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't.

So, what's your name? Where are you from?

And most importantly, how's your bridge game, hon?

I'm Wanda.

Wanda. Charmed.

Golly, you settled in fast!

Did you use a moving company?

I sure did. Those boxes don't move themselves.

So what's a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house?

Oh, no, I'm not single.

Oh, I don't see a ring.

Well, I assure you I'm married.

To a man. A human one and tall.

As a matter of fact, he'll be home later tonight for a special occasion.

Just the two of us.

Oh, is it somebody's birthday?

Not a birthday.

Well, today isn't a holiday, is it?

No, it's not a holiday.

An anniversary then?

Ye... Yes!

Yes! It's our anniversary!

Oh, how marvelous!

How many years?

Well, it feels like we've always been together.

Lucky gal.

The only way Ralph would remember our anniversary

is if there was a beer named June 2nd.

- So, what do you have planned? - How do you mean?

For your special night.

A young thing like you doesn't have to do much,

but it's still fun to set the scene.

Say, I was just reading a crackerjack magazine article

called "How To Treat Your Husband To Keep Your Husband,"

and let me tell you, what Ralph could really use

is, "How To Goose Your Wife So You Don't Lose Your Wife."

Hang on. I'll go grab it and we can start planning.

Oh, this is gonna be a gas!

Oh...

Or you don't go out Friday night Yakety yak!

You just put on your coat and hat.

Here are those computational forms that you requested, Norm.

There you go.

Gee willikers, that was fast!

Hey, the music isn't bothering you, is it, pal?

In terms of distraction from work,

or the largely nonsensical nature of the lyrics?

- The first one. - Ah, no, thank you, Norm.

Hey, is there somethin' I can help you with, buddy?

Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.

Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here exactly?

Do we make something?

- No. - Right.

Do we buy or sell something?

No and no.

Then what is the purpose of this company?

All I know is, since you've gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%.

Yes, but what is it we're producing?

Computational forms.

And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal.

You're like a walking computer.

What? I most certainly am not.

I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter,

much like yourself, Norm.

Hey! What's got your feathers all ruffled?

Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a tad on edge.

You see, it appears there's something special about today,

special to Wanda, that's my wife,

and gee, I can't, for the life of me, recall what it is.

Mmm... Oh!

Good to see you.

- Vision. - Yes?

Wife and I are looking forward to this evening.

Mr. Hart. Of course!

Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart.

That's what I said. What's wrong with you?

- Have you got a screw loose? - Oh, no, sir. Screws all tightened, sir.

Yes, I should hope so.

Employee dinners are a rite of passage

- for the new hires. - Ah.

Jones over there failed miserably.

Isn't that right, Jones?

The wife thought five courses would be sufficient.

And there was that paltry excuse for entertainment.

A string quartet?

And then you had that embarrassing display of beatnik enthusiasm.

I wore a turtleneck.

Yes. Best of luck out there in the unemployment line, Jones.

You know, I owe my success to being a keen judge of character.

No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision?

I don't have a skeleton, sir.

Glad to hear it. Your future in this company depends on it.

And you don't have a song?

Nothing special you played at your wedding?

No, nothing special.

I'll just loan you some records then.

So, we've got music covered, decor, wardrobe. Oh!

What about seduction techniques?

Oh, I have those.

Of course, you do.

Just out of curiosity, what does it say?

That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you.

It's romantic.

Any other tricks?

You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.

Now, that's romantic.

- (PHONE RINGING) - Oh!

Vision residence.

- Wanda, darling. - Vision, sweetheart.

Listen, about tonight...

Don't worry, dear. I have everything under control.

Oh, well, that is a relief.

I must confess, I'm really rather nervous.

"Nervous"? Whatever for?

Well, you know, darling, I still get a little tongue-tied.

Vis, after all this time...

There's an awful lot riding on this one, Wanda.

If tonight doesn't go just so, I think this could be the end.

Well, it's just one night. There's no need to get dramatic.

Look, I think the best course of action is to impress the wife.

And I think the best course of action is to impress the husband.

Well, wonderful!

Glad to know we're both on the same page.

Until tonight, then, my, darling.

Until tonight.

Oh...

Is your husband tired of you burning his toast?

Try our new and improved ToastMate 2000.

It's the go-to for clever housewives.

Say, this machine has some shine.

You said it.

Set the dial and get the taste back into your toast.

Top and bottom heating elements can handle anything

from meatloaf, to cherry pie, to open-faced cheese sandwiches.

The all new ToastMate 2000 by Stark Industries.

Forget the past. This is your future.

Here we are!

Oh!

How very atmospheric!

What's going on here, Vision? You blow a fuse?

Pardon me while I just go and fetch the lady of the house.

Guess who?

Wanda!

Vision. (GASPS)

Oh! Oh!

Ah...

What is the meaning of this?

Well, what is...