Albanian Gangster

- Alright, lemme tell you a story.

The first time I've been to a funeral, my father takes me.

Somebody killed our cousin over some kind of drug deal.

Put a bullet in his head.

So, we go to the funeral and...

First funeral I've been to, and I've seen my cousin.

You couldn't even recognize him, his head was this big.

I've never seen my father so upset in my life, ever.

At that funeral.

I mean, he was...

You could see it in his eyes, he was pissed, so,

I'm at football practice one day.

I played football for my high school.

So, I'm at football practice, I was about 15 years old.

My coach comes up to me, he says, "Hey, you have to leave."

I'm like, "What happened," he goes, "Your father's here."

I said, "Alright."

So I go, I get dressed in the locker room, I go outside.

I see my father out there, he's like, "Come on.

"Come on, my boy."

I'm like, "Where we goin', pop?"

He goes, "Don't worry about it."

So, we pull up somewhere, we stop.

And I just looked at him, I'll never forget.

He just stared.

He just looked at me

and stared at me for a couple of seconds.

And I was like, what the hell's going on, you know?

He goes, "Listen, my boy."

He goes in the backseat,

he pulls up this blanket that he had,

a fucking shotgun in the backseat.

He goes, "This is where the guy, who killed our cousin is."

He goes, "I want you to see

"what happens when somebody kills somebody,

"or does something to somebody you love, or our family."

And now me inside...

Outside I'm cool, you know, I'm a cool customer outside,

inside, I'm shaking,

but not from fear.

It wasn't from fear, it was excitement.

I was happy,

like I was proud to be doing this with my father,

you know what I mean?

He was like God to me, you know.

We wait, I'll never forget the look in his eyes, man.

He was like a lion on a gazelle, man.

He was locked, like locked in.

We're waiting, we wait, and we wait about three hours.

Nothing happens, you know.

We're waiting and waiting,

he goes, "Alright, forget about him."

Next day, I'm at football practice again.

"Koja, listen, your uncle's here to pick you up."

"My uncle?"

I'm like, what the hell's going on?

We go back to my house.

Everybody's here: uncles, cousins, everybody.

So my grandfather and my uncles take me into the room,

me and my brother, and they tell us,

"Listen, your father is not coming back for a while."

So right away I knew what happened.

My brother didn't really know what happened,

and then it was all over, he went away.

He went and blew the guy's chest out with a shotgun.

This is what you do.

If somebody does something to your family,

somebody kills somebody and disrespects your last name,

or your people, you do what you have to do.

You sacrifice yourself,

no matter what.

Oh shit.

What the fuck, bro, you gonna wake up my mother.

You better shut up.

'Sup sweetheart?

What, you want a cigarette? - Yeah.

Alright.

Buff me up.

Call your guy.

- Huh? - Call your boy.

Call him?

What's up, man?

- Two weeks I'm waiting over here?

- Man, I told you, I really don't know what to say--

- Yo, are you fucking selling me fairytales, bro?

Do I gotta fucking come to Brooklyn?

Do I gotta fucking come to...

Yo, talk to this motherfucker,

he's your boy. - I don't wanna talk to him.

It's the same story. - Talk to him.

- Every time. - Tell him,

don't make us come to fucking Brooklyn.

- What day you gonna be able to see me?

It's sunny out there.

They say there's gonna be a hurricane.

Here's breakfast. - I gotta get outta here.

That's how you do that.

Yo, get this fucking bitch outta here, bro.

We gotta get ready, bro.

- She's putting her shoes on, dude.

Alright, I don't give a fuck!

I'm waiting on you, dude, I'm waiting on you.

You're telling me, I'm the only reason you're here.

Alright, the only reason I'm here's 'cause of you, alright?

Am I that important?

- You see this fucking shit I gotta deal with?

This fucking retarded crackhead motherfucker.

I gotta get outta this.

Yeah, listen, fuck that shit.

I texted this girl last night.

She's not answering me.

I see my mother, the way she looks at all my nephews,

and then she looks at me, (scoffs) no kids, 47.

The only one I want, I can't fucking get.

I don't understand what the problem is here.

I think, you know what the problem is?

I know what the problem is.

She doesn't like what we're doing, what I do.

You know what I mean?

I just wanna have a kid with that girl and come home.

Ma, here, take this baby and take care of him for me.

- Yo, can we get a round of drinks for the boys?

How you doing, bro?

Alright, man.

What they want over here?

Don't fucking leave nobody alone, huh.

- What, the cops? - Yeah.

- Pussies. - Bitch ass niggas.

Thank you guys, thank you.

- They left. - Yeah, they left, they left.

- Thank God they didn't tow the car.

- Thank God they didn't tow me, dude.

'The fuck outta here.

Yo, more drinks please.

Bring the fucking bottle!

- Come on, I know you don't need a drink.

Take a seat, take a seat.

- My wife's killing me enough.

I don't need a fucking cancer stick.

- Yeah, that's why I'm not fucking married, dude.

You guys are the guys I'm married to.

You guys. - He goes, "Yo, my wife?"

- You, you, you, you, you, you, and you.

Alright, we gotta speak Italian over here.

'Cause I got my paisano over here.

We got the paisano over here!

- What are you doing, Vinny?

- This fucking guy scuffed my brand new sneakers.

Who, Vinny?

- Albanians don't like this fucking kid.

Neither do the Italians.

And he's Italian.

- Fuck him. - But I like him.

He's my number one right now.

Always a good time with you guys.

Nobody likes that.

I think I can do pretty much whatever I want.

- He actually does think he can do whatever he wants to do.

Whenever he wants to do it. - I don't really think it.

I do pretty much whatever I want.

Whenever. - Yeah, he does.

Wherever.

- I tell him, "Don't do it," he still does it.

He's bad news this kid.

- People need to act accordingly.

Looks a little short.

- Go in the bathroom and look at it.

This is what it is.

I'd rather have him than a hundred Albanians that I know.

But then I'd rather have 100 Albanians

more than 100 guineas, or one guinea or two.

I'm his role model.

- For about 10 minutes of the day.

Come here, gimme a kiss, baby.

Get the fuck outta here.

Come here.

- Oh you wanna give me a hug? (laughing)

- What the fuck are you doing

with the fucking paisan? - Yo, he's my paisan, bro.

He's mine.

He's mine, he's my nephew.

He adopted me as his uncle. - Hey, hey, he's with you.

Yo, Leon, if you vouch for Vinny, he's good with us.

- Let me tell you something about that kid:

he's with me, that's it. - How can I trust him?

He scuffed my sneakers!

Big fucking deal, bro.

- You better fucking laugh.

Who the fuck is this?

Alright.

Yo.

Yo we gotta get outta here. - What happened?

- The fucking, the fucking Waterbug.

I been looking for that motherfucker.

Yo, lemme know who.

- This kid's making me sweat balls

'cause he's wearing a sweater over here.

- Dude, I'm fucking dying myself.

- All right, I got you. - Yo chill the fuck out, bro.

- The masseuse was rougher last night, huh?