I Am a Girl

I live in the projects, ghetto.

Around here, a lot of drugs and gangs and stuff like that.

I try to stay inside. It's kinda like a black hole sometimes.

A lot of people here, like, got sucked into the black hole

and they're here forever.

Like they were here since, like, little kids

and they're still here, on the streets, not up to any good.

So I try not to get sucked in.

Growing up, it was kinda hard sometimes,

because it's like, where do I fit in sometimes?

I'm not around people that like to do the same stuff as me

so sometimes, I feel, like, by myself.

And I don't have any brothers or sisters,

so it's like, OK, so who do you talk to?

I just had to find, you know, my own way of expressing myself,

you know, when I was sad and stuff like that.

And then with friends, you can't really trust friends

because you never know, like, who's gonna just turn on you.

So I just kept everything to myself, and that's why I like creativity.

It means, like, so much to me because that's how I express myself.

Writing, drawing, fashion, music, like makeup,

like things like that, it makes me feel better.

Hi, my name's Katie.

I'm 17 and I live in Sydney, Australia.

I'm not the super, super rich, you know, the 1%,

but I'm definitely very privileged and very lucky to be where I am.

We have a nice house with a big space.

I've always had more than enough to eat, you know,

nearly everything that I need and most of the things I want and...

Yeah, we're really lucky.

I am very much a nerd.

I love Doctor Who and Sherlock and Veronica Mars, Avatar.

I love reading a lot. Obviously, I'm a big Harry Potter fan.

Thing I love most about books and stories

is escaping into another world.

Yeah, really kind of get taken away from reality,

cos sometimes, it can be quite boring and harsh and you just...

you need that escapism.

Often the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn't work.

I'll say something that I don't mean, in the heat of the moment,

like when I'm angry or when I'm upset

and it might get me in a bit of trouble,

because although I'm feeling it at the time, I certainly don't mean it.

My school, it's a selective high school

so we're all really quite smart

And, you know, being really nerdy or really out there is just...

it's fine, you know, you're allowed to be yourself at my school,

which is a really great thing for when you're growing up because,

you know, often you have no idea who you are and who you want to be.

When I started feeling really down about myself

I didn't tell anyone.

I didn't want anyone in my family to worry about me,

so I just really kept it to myself and hoped that it would go away.

It didn't.

What most people don't understand about depression

is, first of all, it is an actual physical illness,

because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain

which means you don't get dopamine and serotonin.

And so, that way, you can't, you know, feel good about yourself,

and everything's just a standard flat line.

And the whole kind of thing where, you know,

there's a light at the end of the tunnel...

there is no light when you're feeling like that.

You're just wandering aimlessly in the darkness forever, you know,

and having absolutely no idea where you're going.

So, you just want to sit down and stop.

Something will happen that, you know, in any other situation,

you'd be able to just brush it off,

like a mark at school that was less than you expected.

You know, oh, this mark means you're not going to do well in the HSC,

and then from that, you get, well, if you don't do well in the HSC,

you're not going to get into any uni courses.

So you're going to have to be stuck in a dead-end job

for the rest of your life...

Why are you even here, you know? It's just gonna be pointless

and you're just going to keep going on and on and on

and you're never going to enjoy yourself.

So, you know, you're a failure,

you know, you've already failed, you're worthless.

My friends over the past few years have very much been my lifeline.

Paisley... Where to start?

She's always really fun and charismatic and very sure of herself,

and it's really refreshing.

That's the most obnoxious sound ever.

That's the point, so that way you can hear it.

Oh.

She's very much been someone

who's always ready to drop anything to help me.

I'll see you later.

See you. Bye-bye-

Later this afternoon. I'm coming back for dinner.

Bye.

I started about junior high school,

writing poetry and then one day, I decided to put it to a beat.

And I'm like, "Wow, this actually sounds nice and I'm good at it."

It comes easy.

Like, I didn't have to try too hard, you know, to make up rhymes.

And really, it was, like, one, two, three.

I can write a song in about 20 minutes or, like, 30 minutes.

All the words just flow, like, in my head.

Nowadays, like, pop, you can rap to pop.

So I figure, why not take over that pop-rap,

you know, rop, mix it together?

Why not take over it, you know, be the princess of the pop-rap?

But I really like it,

because if I'm feeling sad or if I'm really happy,

I would just write a song, you know.

Love Potion is about hypnotizing a boy,

like, just making him really like you a lot,

by just looking at him, like, not doing much,

just like, you know, looking and a little smiling.

I got the idea from Marilyn Monroe kind of, cos, you know...

a damsel in distress.

Like, she doesn't really have to do much

and she's, like, ditzy, kind of.

But not so much of the ditzy part,

but so much of not having to do a lot to get the boy to like you,

like, to woo him in.

So whether it's just, like, your eyes or just your smile

or, like, the perfume, like, he's like, "Wow."

Like, she didn't even have to talk. Like, I really like her.

I like to cook. I love to cook.

I want to have a catering company.

And my favourite things is my fish cakes.

Everyone knows my fish cakes.

I got that recipe from my mother, she got it from her mother.

That's the family secret recipe.

I'll be able to give that to Breani for the future.

My mum is everything, like...

I wouldn't be here without her. She got me through a lot.

Like, we argue and stuff like that, but at the end of the day,

like, that's my mum.

She's kind of like an angel, like the angel voice that's like...

Like sometimes, when I'm out with my friends and stuff,

I would think, like, "OK, what would my mum do and what'd she say?"

OK, if my mum would say no, yeah, I'm not doing that.

Right now, I'm unemployed.

But I see Breani is getting more and more popular,

so I'm really looking more into

getting into managing her more seriously and marketing her

cos I think she will be a great source of income for both of us,

cos she's... she's hungry.

She wants a better life, I want a better life.

I know she will probably never be a doctor or a lawyer

because she doesn't like blood.

And I'll admit she know she may not want to, like, read

or, like, want to stay in her books all the time,

because her mind is going, she's a creative person.

And I know she's gonna do good.

Whether it's rapping, singing,

so... when she has so many talents, you know?

So whatever she likes to do, as long as she's happy doing it,

I'm there for her.

Well, my dad, I don't really know where's he's at.

Like, I never really knew where he lives.

Breani's dad? Well, I don't talk about him much.

He's a deadbeat for me now.

My grandfather's like a dad to me.

Like, he taught me about everything that a dad would teach you.

So, like, people say, like, "Daddy's little girl."

But I'm, like, Grandpa's little girl.

She know that she's my head. She knows that.

And she knows that she can practically get

anything out of me that she want, you know?

I can't give her what I don't have.

But anything that I have is hers, you know?

Growing up, he taught me many life lessons,

like time management, how to write, how to carry yourself.

Like, just to be, like, you know, respectable and stuff like that.

Where I live, he doesn't want me to, like, fall in the black hole

and become, like, this monster.

Hold it.

Hold it!

I held it, coming here.

Well, people were supposed to already be here, but nobody's here.

So...

Yeah.

Anything, anything, I don't know.

Whatever you want to wear. OK.

Yeah, hello? Yeah, forget it, don't come.

Because I don't feel like going no more.

Because I don't understand, I told you we had to be here at one.

OK, so everybody should have told me that.

I don't understand.

You should have told me that yesterday

because you told me you was gonna be here at one.

Anyway, I don't have to come. So thanks, anyway.

No, because I just did my nails, so when they're dry.

Well, I'm not going anywhere, so I'm gonna be here all day.

I said I'm not going anywhere.

Cos I'm not going nowhere.

Cos I don't want to go anywhere.

Yeah, you don't have to come no more.

Because I'm tired now.

Alright.

Well, one of my friends is gonna still come.

You give all the information to me.

There was a particular boy

and it was just really, really a complicated situation with him.

And the fact that I felt so worthless about myself