Gabi on the Roof in July

Um, hey, it's me.

I'm at the bus stop.

I don't see you, but I'm here.

Wait, but do people do that in New York?

Okay, lemme try.

Oh my god, it worked.

Oh it worked!

Okay hold on, let me call you right back okay?

Hello?

Jesus fuck!

Oh my god, fuck.

What, what are you doing?

Nothing.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Whoa, hey.

What?

Hoe.

Hoe, who are you calling a ho?

- They're going to be.

They're going to be here in like 15 minutes.

Actually they're not...

He said 8:30.

- No, we spoke and she's coming at nine.

Sweetheart.

Yup.

- I, sweetheart, I'm going to smell.

Really?

Like vagina.

Really?

When Robyn gets here.

Really?

- Yeah I'm going to smell like vagina when,

I don't want to smell like fucking pussy,

she's your AA sponsor, I never would've met this girl.

- She's not a girl, she's like 40.

Hi!

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good, how are you?

Smelly.

Me too.

So where's the guy?

- In the bathroom, in the bathtub.

Where's the?

Naked, oh, that way.

Um, is he on his back?

- Should we try and turn him over

so he doesn't throw up and die?

Okay, is he big?

He's really big.

Shit.

C'mon, bedroom.

Bed.

This way.

Oh no, fuck.

Oh jeez

Sam, Charles?

Is she, is she okay?

She fucking...

Dude, Gabi.

Gabi?

Holy Shit.

Wait, what's going on?

No, stop, there's a person.

There's a person

No, she's fine.

What'd you do to Charles?

Charles?

Hey Buddy.

Charles?

You okay man?

I'm going to take you to your bed, okay?

Garrett, Garrett.

- We've got a real situation on our hands.

- Were you just going to leave me in the hall

because that was really funny.

That was really fucking funny

Up we go.

- I need you to be very, very nice to her.

And tell me that you love me a lot.

- You want me to be, to tell you I love you a lot,

like a lot of times, or like?

- Both, I want you to tell me you love me a lot.

Oh both?

Many times.

- Okay, tell you I love you a lot, a lot of times.

Yes.

I can do that.

Okay.

- I thought you said we were just coming

to pick up your stuff.

I think she's very ugly

This is so weird.

So, let me get a look at you.

- I really don't feel well Garrett

Is this your friend?

We're lovers, actually.

- I have, like, a serious tickle in my throat.

Yeah, we're married.

I mean not technically,

not legally, but

- We don't really believe in laws anyways.

Is this your daughter?

Uh huh, this is Caroly.

Caroly?

That's a very nice name.

She's a really big bitch, too.

No she's not.

Yes she is.

That's why she acts like that.

She's awful.

- Colby, this is Gabi, that's Caroly,

and this is, I'm sorry.

Dory.

Dory and Colby.

It's weird, all your names rhyme

I really don't feel well.

I think it's because I need to eat something.

So eat.

Go eat food.

There's a room in there, the kitchen,

inside which is a refrigerator and cabinets,

inside which I'm sure you'll find some food.

It's not my house.

I give you my permission

It's not your house.

It's okay, go, eat, mange.

And will you bring me a beer please?

Do you guys want anything?

Three beers please.

- It's actually very normal, as I'm sure you know, in Japan.

It's the standard.

So, we can man up and sit on the floor.

No, I'm kidding, I don't care.

- I don't know if I'm actually going to sit

on the floor for this dinner.

- It's better for your organs, I'm telling you.

I'm going to try it.

The hero of the group.

This is nice.

It's not so bad.

How is this, is this okay?

It's a little eggplant heavy.

Well, we made this together.

That depends.

If it's good, she made it.

If it's bad, I made it.

If it's decent?

- If it's decent we both made it.

- Sam has been giving me cooking lessons.

- Okay, so from the look on, on, on Phil's face,

it looks like you need to find a new instructor.

- I think you should use your own instincts.

Let's not eat this.

I'm perfectly happy to get us take-out.

Honey, it's fine.

It's fine.

- Honestly though, it's not even.

We're teasing you.

They only have string cheese.

So eat it.

Yeah, I am.

It's not enough, okay?

I'm hypoglycemic so it's like medically bad

for me to skip meals.

- Could you get me a bottle opener, sweetie?

These are, the sooner you get me a bottle opener,

the sooner I drink the beer,

the sooner we can go to your birthday party, dinner party.

The party's over, Garrett.

I really want to go home, Garrett.

You want to go home?

- Yeah, I really don't feel well.

You don't feel well.

No.

Are you fucking deaf, Garrett?

I want to go home.

I'll tell you what,

if you'll please get me a bottle opener,

then I'll drink my beer and we can talk, okay?

You're just going to hurt it.

No I'm not.

You are.

You hate this thing.

I don't trust you,

I don't trust you.

- No, I love her so much, I just wanna hold it.

You're gonna, don't kill her.

- I'd never kill her in a million years.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

- I really don't feel well, Garrett,

I really want to go home.

Garrett!

- Maybe you should take her home.

You think?

Fuck you, fuck you!

Okay?

You are such a fucking dick, do you know that?