Love, Victor

So, I put on my boxers,

and then I realize that I put it on backwards,

so the fly is in the back.

And then it came to me-- Mm-hm.

- Butt fly, right? - Yeah.

So, your sister's still mad at me?

- Yeah, she's never really been one for subtlety. - Yeah.

- That's Benji. Hide me, hide me! - Oh, okay. Why, why?!

- Because I don't want to talk to him right now.

Make yourself bigger! - How? I am naturally dainty.

Okay!

Uh, what was that?

- I saw Benji last night, which was great,

until his dad showed up, and told me to stay away from him.

- Well, join the club. We're bad boys now, Victor.

Should we start a club? The Daddy Don't Like Me Squad?

He said that I was bad for Benji.

And that I "create chaos."

- Okay, that is absurd. You, my friend, are a ray of light.

- Thanks, man, but I don't know. I'm startin' to think maybe he's right.

I feel like everyone I'm close to, I wind up hurting.

Okay, name one person.

Mia.

- You were figuring out your sexuality. That's your God-given right.

Okay, Rahim.

- You were... choosing between two hotties. That happens.

- And then, of course, there's, there's Benji.

Like, all of my family stuff was so stressful

that he wound up relapsing.

- Okay, yeah, when you lay it out like that,

you do sound a teensy bit like an agent of chaos.

- Yeah, I know. - Do you guys mind keeping the personal banter down?

Class hasn't even started yet, Liam.

God. It's like he wants people to hate him.

Good morning, class!

Today, we will begin an exciting new group project

exploring protein synthesis.

Ya think this is my dream morning?

I wanted to be a dancer.

All right, everyone, choose groups of three.

- Hey... why don't we partner up with Liam?

I mean, I, I know he's a little-- - Horrible, yeah.

Well, he just looks so lonely.

- No, you're trying to do a mitzvah to prove you're not an agent of chaos.

What's a mitzvah?

- Dude, we really need to get you on the Mrs. Maisel train.

- Hey, Liam... Do you wanna be our partner?

Really? Thanks.

Ah, you know, I'm gonna ask the guidance counselor

if working with you two dummies counts as community service.

Oh my god.

- So, I just took another SAT practice test

and the results were... not pretty.

But you're pretty.

Aww, cute, but not helpful.

Wanna do a study sesh tonight? We can make some flashcards.

Please? - Okay, fine.

You guys?

- Oh, absolutely not. My jump shot is my SAT.

Uh, sorry. One second.

Hi.

What?!

Wha-- Um, I-- Wait, I thought,

I thought she wasn't due for another three weeks.

Um, oh, yeah, of course, um.

Call me when you can.

Love you.

Veronica's in labor.

Whoa, Baby Brooks comin' in hot!

So, are you not excited about this?

- Yeah, um, but I was supposed to be there.

You know, I, I booked my ticket already and everything,

and now I'm, I'm just gonna miss the whole thing.

Right. So, you'll miss the birth.

What's important is you're gonna be a big sister.

- Yeah, and since I'm your sister, that means I'll be the baby's auntie.

- Uh, wait, if you're my sister, wouldn't that make you the baby's sister, too?

This is why I need to study.

Pilar... Hey, Pilar, Pilar, hey, hey.

Um, look, I know you're pissed.

I just-- I, I, I think we should talk about it.

- Okay, fine. Let's talk. Do you wanna be with me,

or are you still too scared of making my dad angry?

- To be fair, your dad's already angry. I-I'm scared of making him angrier.

Goodbye, Felix.

- Oh, look, we are eating lunch with Liam.

You know, this day is just getting better and better.

- Well, I figured it'd be good for us to get to know each other.

- Okay, well, here's all you need to know about me. - Mm.

- I have never gotten less than an A on anything,

and I don't intend to start now.

I need to become valedictorian, so that I can go to Harvard,

and then, you know, obviously Harvard Law,

and then, become the President.

- Oh, well, you certainly have the personality for it.

Um... Oh!

Just remembered I actually have an AP Lit quiz to cram for.

I will see you two later. - Um, yeah, see you later.

Oh my god.

- Hey, isn't that the sound your gay dating app makes?

Liam is in the closet.

That explains why he's so uptight and pushes everyone away.

Oh, he's not a dick. He just wants dick.

- He probably just needs someone to talk to,

and I could be that someone.

I could be his Simon.

- Oh yeah, that's right. Simon. What ever happened to that guy?

Okay, mi lindo.

What is the difference between a dictatorship and an oligarchy?

No idea. What is it?

Oh... well, obviously, I know,

but if I told you that would be cheating, so look it up.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Oh, wow.

No loud, angry music coming from Pilar's room.

- Yeah, she's not home. I let her hang out with Rahim.

What?

But we agreed she'd come straight home after school.

You can't just change the rules without telling me.

- I know, but our daughter has been miserable

since we forbid her to see Felix, and I thought she needed a friend.

- What she needs... is to learn not to lie to us.

Now, you call her right now and tell her to come home.

- Honey, I think it's okay. - I don't care what you think.

I'll call her myself if you won't do it. - Fine. Go do it.

I didn't realize that we we're living in a dictatorship.

Or an oligarchy. I lied. I don't know the difference.

Ugh, these apps are a hellscape.

Why can't I just have an old fashioned "meet-cute"

where a hot stranger and I reach for the same kombucha

in the grocery store? Is that so hard to ask?

- Enough! - Oh my god, chill.

I was, literally, complaining for, like, a second.

Not you. Felix.

He won't stop with the apology memes.

I mean, either man up and date me behind my father's back,

or leave me alone.

- I know we're mad at Felix, but at least he has a face.

- Mm. - Mm-hm.

Oh, good. The other guy I'm furious at.

What? Come home right now, young lady.

- I'm with Rahim. Mom said I could. - I don't care what she said.

I want you in your room in 15 minutes.

Goodbye.

Whoa... that was badass.

Mom? Dayi? Uh.

What are you doing here? - Your uncle wanted coffee,

and you're always raving about this place and their chile mocha latte.

- What is this ridiculous purple jacket? This is a woman's jacket.

- Uh, I-- - It's mine. I lent it to Rahim

since it's so cold in here.

And you wanted to wear this?

- Well, um-- - Yes...

because Pilar is Rahim's girlfriend,

and they share everything, even jackets.

- Uh, Mom, can I talk to you for a second? - Mm-hm.

So, you are his girlfriend?

I'm sorry, I panicked.

He flies back to Tehran tomorrow.

Let him think you have girlfriend, eh? What's the harm?

Okay, sure.

Love to. Great.

Rahim, Pilar is wonderful.

I invited her to my farewell dinner tonight.

Should we go try the chile mocha latte? - Of course, of course.

It's fine.

I'd rather be your fake girlfriend than see my real father, so.

- Oh, hi! Come in. You must be Victor's friend.

- "Friend" is a bit much. Let's go with colleague.

- Okay... Victor, your colleague is here! - Thanks.

- Oh! Hey, Liam. I'm so glad you could make it.

- Yeah, like I said, I just need to get an A on this project.

Is Felix coming?

- Um, no, no. He's, he's not gonna be able to make it,

um, but I just didn't want you to do this project alone.

You're not alone.

Okay, weirdo.

Hey, do you have any unsweetened iced tea?

Don't answer that. Probably not.

You seem like you're always hyped up on refined sugar.

Where is your room?

He's going through something.

She's still not home.

I told her to come home and she's just... not.

We have totally lost control here.

- Hm. I would weigh in here, but since you don't care what I think.

- I'm sorry I said that. Of course, I care what you think.

Okay? It's just that I'm

so mad at Pilar.

- Are you, Mando? - Yes, of course.

All the lying and sneaking around--

- Is exactly what we were doing when we were two teenagers in love.

The way you're acting... this isn't just overprotective dad.

Makes me wonder

if you're thinking about

Camila.

- What? No... No, that's, that's not what this is about.

All right.

- Hey, your dad is going to call with an update as soon as he can.

He's probably just... massaging Veronica's placenta.