The Vow

We all have some heroes, some people that we enjoy.

Some people have great character.

Some people have great compassion.

Some people have great charisma.

Some people...

They have a quality where they're just deeply soulful.

Imagine if there were those traits that you might want for yourself.

ESP NXIVM

is a methodology

that allows people to optimize

their experience and behavior.

All right. So this is, to some degree,

somewhat of a test.

I originally wanted to record this

because I had a very strong suspicion that I would be attacked

when I left the organization.

Attacked could be legally,

it could be private investigators,

it could be bugging,

it could be, you know, uh, destroying my name.

It could be a series of things, and I wanted it to be understood that...

It was... It's never been my intention

to try and destroy this organization.

And some of you that are still in may think that.

It's more, uh, uh...

It's more that I saw what was really going on.

And what was really going on

basically just fucked with my head.

But we never thought it would lead to this.

Okay.

58-year-old Keith Raniere,

the former leader of the upstate New York sex cult NXIVM

was found guilty on all counts.

Guilty of racketeering, guilty of conspiracy,

wire fraud, and sex trafficking.

The first question a lot of people have

when they hear about what he allegedly did to dozens of women

is why didn't these women see what was happening to them?

Mark Vicente!

Let's start again. - Yeah.

It's not working. Hold on.

You could do it. You could do it.

I was 27, just turning 28, when I met Mark.

I was living in Vancouver.

This is around the time when I was into setting intentions.

My boyfriend at the time was a filmmaker.

He had made a film that got accepted into

the Spiritual Cinema Circle Festival-at-Sea,

on a cruise.

So I set the intention that I was gonna go on this cruise

and figure out my purpose in life.

My real purpose.

'Cause I was challenged in my relationship,

challenged in my career.

I had this idea that maybe I'd become a famous actor

and use my celebrity to have a voice,

or have impact in the world.

It... That wasn't happening.

Oh, yes. Yes.

That was like beer commercials.

TV shows about vampires.

Blood on my taffeta, Carl. Blood!

Well, you were going to the prom with my best friend.

It's like it wasn't the,

the life that I had imagined.

And then we got on the cruise, and the guest of honor,

and the judge of all the films was gonna be Mark Vicente,

the director of the film "What the Bleep Do We Know!?"

Where do we come from?

What should we do?

And where are we going?

The more you look at quantum physics,

the more mysterious and wondrous it becomes.

There was something really magnificent about science

that I found intoxicating, because

if we understood the world in a better way,

and, and if we understood ourselves in a better way,

we may be able to understand how all of this works.

I mean, "What the Bleep" was one of

the highest-grossing documentaries of all time.

And then that night, I sat across from Mark Vicente.

At first, I didn't know Mark was Mark,

but when I figured out he was the director of "What the Bleep,"

I was gushing about his film,

and at that time, I was really sick.

I had a really bad cough.

Like, a really bad, loud cough.

And Mark asked me something like,

"What would you lose..."

This is an ESP-framed question...

"What do you lose if you stop coughing?"

And I had the awareness instantly that I had linked

sickness and attention.

I was trying to get my boyfriend's attention.

I was like, "Oh, my gosh.

My whole life, I've been so sick as a means for attention."

Then, you know, the next day I got better right away,

and all I knew at that point

was that I really liked and respected Mark.

And Mark very casually talked about NXIVM,

and, you know, there's this guy,

he's the smartest man in the world, and...

He's doing this and that, and there's this community, and, you know,

he, he was... He underplayed it.

If anything, I was more interested in working with him,

and doing whatever he was doing.

Keep in mind, I'd just put it out there to the universe,

"What's my purpose?"

Oh, maybe this is my purpose.

All right, guys. Let's settle in.

Is it rolling?

There was always a preamble

that I would always do.

I'm gonna talk about an extraordinary company,

that I began working with a number of years ago

that helped me overcome a great many difficulties

and achieve an even greater level of success than I already had.

And everybody can do with tools that helps them do better, right?

So understand, NXIVM, N-X-I-V-M,

is the umbrella company.

ESP was the thing that I got involved in.

ESP stands for Executive Success Programs.

Executive Success Programs, ESP, NXIVM...

is a methodology

for optimizing or enhancing

human experience and behavior.

Executive Success Programs is a human potential program.

We called it Executive Success Programs

not because it's only geared for executives in business,

although it's very good for executives in business.

What we want to do is we want to be successful

by executing, by following through,

by being proactive in our lives.

That's what ESP is.

At that time, I was living in a basement suite

where my rent was $400 a month.

So for me to spend thousands of dollars

on my personal growth was obscene.

But I really wanted to change.

And I really wanted to make that... that leap,

so I put it on my credit card and signed up for the next training.

My first five-day,

I was picturing a large,

stadium-type of Tony Robbins forum

with hundreds of people... Rah, rah, rah.

I walk into a, a run-down Holiday Inn.

You guys hearing okay?

Nod if you can hear me.

It's just totally underwhelming.

Everyone's power suits are weird.

And Nancy's first intro video, where she's like, "Hi."

Hello. I'm Nancy Salzman.

Welcome to your first origins class.

Meanwhile, I'm like, staring at her eyebrows.

Did you ever see the carnival game Whack-a-Mole?

There's this little mole, and he pops up,

and he has this, like, little grassy hat on.

Just the whole, like, the whole aesthetic

and the presentation of the material was totally '80s.

So you take the sledgehammer and you knock down this mole,

and you knock down this one, and you knock one down

and another one pops up, and another one pops up, and... and...

Does this sound like your life?

I was like, "What? Where am I?"

And I was sort of like,

you know, "My parents are therapists. What are you gonna teach me?"

All right. So here's rules and rituals.

This is the first class we do.

And they said right from the beginning

that we were gonna be uncomfortable.

That the most growth happens outside your comfort zone.

- Give me your hand. Shake my hand. - Okay.

So, we learn how to shake hands.

We shake like this.

You know, it was just weird.

I didn't like calling Nancy "Prefect"

and Keith "Vanguard."

Vanguard.

And I was like,

"What the fuck?" regarding the sashes.

I called Mark at the end of that day.

And I was like, "What the fuck did you get me involved with?"

I mean, I wasn't on board at first. I'll be honest.

But, look, I can understand.

I'm used to ranking systems, you know. I was in,

I was in boarding schools. I was in the Boy Scouts.

I hated how short the fucking things were. They were stupid.

But you know what? It's a silly piece of silk

that represents an idea. That's all.

But the ranking system is a way to recognize

the value people bring to the world.

And what would make the world better

is if people valued each other.

And give people tribute for what they're capable of and what they do,

and what if this thing you're looking for, this, this dark lining,

what if it's not here?

But what if you feel it inside of yourself?

Let me tell you just a little bit about the reaction

that people have to our program.

Occasionally, we have a person who comes in,