Everybody Loves Raymond

No, Ray's still out of town covering the Yankees.

Yeah, I know.

He's been gone for four days,

and he's 16 minutes late.

- Hey! - Daddy! Daddy!

Grab that, ray.

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

- All right... - No, ally, get off there.

Get down. Get down.

- Mo. - Matthew wants mo.

Oh, okay, Matthew...

And we got a cleanup, aisle two.

All right, here you go.

- I'll get it. - Ow!

Dinnertime.

Gregory's done.

And Matthew's done.

And ally's done.

Aaahh!

Okay...

Cookie, cookie,

and... cookie.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Hi, I'm ray.

I live here in long island

with my wife, Debra,

my five-year-old daughter,

and twin almost-two-year-old boys.

My parents live across the street.

That's right.

The truth is, I'd do anything for my family.

And... done.

Oh, no.

Unh! Debra!

Honey!

Somebody! Call my father!

I'm hyperventilating!

Oh, honey,

I don't know how I survived four days by myself.

I know. I know.

Hey, nobody hates

going on the road more than me.

It's miserable for me out there.

Hey, look at this. Cal ripken signed my hat.

Oh, that's great. Look at this.

Gregory spit up on my shirt.

I'm not trading.

Okay.

Just be happy you made it home for my birthday.

That's all I can say. - Well, what?

Of course I made it home for your birthday.

Are you kidding? Your birthday is...

- Sunday. - Sunday.

That's right. Big party.

And how old am I going to be?

I know that.

Ray... how old?

All right, all right, I just have to backtrack.

Let's see, when I proposed, you were 23.

- Mm-hmm. - You said no.

Right.

Then I proposed. You were 24.

- No again. - No again.

Right.

Then I took a year off to regroup.

Yup.

Then I came back with a job.

Boom! Married.

That would make you... 32...

Ish.

All right, I'll accept that.

Good, 'cause... big party.

No, you know what? I don't want the party.

I just want a nice day at home

with my favorite husband and my kids, okay?

Okay, and I guess my parents and my brother too, right?

My parents and my brother?

What?

Ray, it's just that...

Look, you know I love them.

They're my family too.

But I was wondering if perhaps

we wouldn't have them over on Sunday.

Well, why not?

Well, it's just, you know, honey,

every day that you were gone, they dropped by.

And then your dad is always waking up the kids.

And now they don't even call first.

Well, they live across the street.

Why should they call? It's quicker just to come by.

I know.

It's like we're on the way.

No, no, no, we are the way.

We are where they're going.

You see, now you're exaggerating a little.

You're home.

Hi, mom.

Hi, I saw your car pull up before.

You didn't call.

Oh...

Hi, Debra,

I brought you some baking soda for your fridge.

I smelled something questionable.

From across the street?

No, when I was here yesterday.

Okay.

Ooh, it's worse!

Oh, now, that's just...

Okay, all right, okay, all right.

Ma, listen, ma, we can buy our own baking soda.

I know, sweetie, but you don't.

Ooh, what have we here?

Oh, I'll get you some club soda for that too.

No, ma, we have club soda, ma.

No, your father finished it.

I'll see you later.

Oh, it comes from love.

Look, if you want, maybe I'll talk to my father about it.

Well, while you're talking to him,

would you mind mentioning the answering machine?

Is he playing back the messages again?

I changed the code.

Well, he cracked it.

I hope everyone's doing good.

And, Debra, you ought to call Linda back.

She sounds like she had

a very interesting visit to the gyno.

That's funny. That's...

You know, it's not for everybody, okay?

Look, he's fooling around.

That's what he does.

He's like one of those guys,

what do you call them?

An idiot.

But do they have to bring your brother over?

My brother lives with them.

He doesn't like staying alone.

He's 40, ray.

Come on, he loves the kids.

It's just, like... the way Robert eats,

you know, the way he has to touch every bite

to his chin before he puts it in his mouth.

That's... it's weird.

It's like when he's counting and he gets to the number 12

and he has to take his shoes off.

Everybody has those.

How'd he ever become a police sergeant?

'Cause he's a good cop,

and they didn't make him count...

Or eat.

I don't know, ray, it's just that it's...

You know, every day,

and between them and the kids, I just feel...

- Lucky? - Ray...

All right. Look, all right.

I'm home now. Maybe you need a break.

I'll tell you, why don't you go out.

With Linda tomorrow night?

What, and leave the kids with your parents?

No, I'll do the kids.

Oh...

Oh, I can't do that?

Oh, hey, how about the time

you went to your aunt's for three days?

I took the kids with me.

Yeah, but I fed myself.

Hey, ray!

Ray! - Come on, keep it down, Leo.

I just got them to sleep.

I'm sorry.

Hey, want to go over to Nemo's, get a slice?

Leo, my kids aren't fish, okay?

You can't just sprinkle food over the crib and leave.

Call your mother.

No, I can't; Debra's got this thing

about them coming over too much lately.

I got the club soda.

Hi, Leo, hi.

- Hey, Ms. B. - How you doing?

Ms. B, would you mind maybe sitting with the kids

for a little bit while Raymond and I

went out and got some pizza?

- No, no. - No, not at all.

But where's Debra?

She went to the movies with Linda.

- The movies? - Yes.

Some people get to live it up.

Go ahead. You guys, go ahead.

Go, get your pizza. You deserve it.

You rock, Mrs. B.

Come on, let's go.

No, no.

No, no. Listen.

Debra doesn't want me to leave them with...

Out me.

You're leaving them with me.

They're sleeping.

Go on. Go with your friend.

Well, I want to, but I can't.