In the Soup

My father died the day I was born.

I was raised by Fyodor Dostoevsky and Friedrich Nietzsche.

When I was 12 my mother took me to a psychic who said

in a past life I was hit in the head by a movie camera

and I died not knowing my own name.

He said that's why in this lifetime I'd be allergic to film.

He must've had the wrong guy.

I'm a filmmaker.

Yeah, Ma.

Yeah, hey, I got the care package.

Yeah, thanks.

I'm taking the vitamins, yeah, yeah.

No, I feel a lot better now since I've been taking them.

I'm working on the script, yeah.

Well, I got fired.

You know, well, I mean it's actually good,

because it gives me more time to work on the script

and to meet people, you know.

Yeah, well I am gonna need help with the rent again.

So do you think you can?

Thanks.

Listen, that'll be my Christmas present, all right?

No no no, don't get me a Christmas present,

just, you know, that'll be it.

Okay.

How you doing?

You okay, yeah?

Oh, listen, Ma, listen, I gotta go, okay?

All right, I'll call you back later.

Okay.

Buh bye.

New York, New York.

If I could take living there I could take living anywhere.

Only problem is I'm broke.

It could be worse.

I could be a rat in a laboratory experiment.

And you know, every great artist had to suffer a little

before they got their big break.

And some have had to suffer their whole lives

and ended up broke and dead before they got their due.

But hey, I'm not worried.

Someday people are gonna know who I am.

Aldolfo Rollo.

15,

14,

13,

12,

11,

10,

nine,

eight,

seven,

six,

five,

four,

three,

two,

one.

Ready or not, here I come.

I thought you were someone.

No, I...

Excuse me.

I thought you were my nephew.

Okay, ready?

Get set, go!

Angelica.

You could be the star of my movie.

Such beauty and grace.

You turned this whole coffee shop into a shrine.

Everything in here becomes holy.

I could sit here for hours ordering coffee

after sacred coffee from you, Angelica.

Hello Angie.

Hi Angie.

Hi.

Hey, your hair looks beautiful today.

What's up Angie?

Thank you.

For you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It's about time you changed the thing.

You're happy to see me.

I know you are because your face brightens

when I come around.

You finished?

Yeah, yes I am.

Did you find your nephew?

Yes, that's it.

That's right, thank you, Mama.

Thank you.

Now, how about a song for a lady who pays her rent on time?

Yeah, she deserves it.

High or low?

I'll take low.

Hey, Mr. Hollywood.

Don't sneak up behind us like that.

Did you like our singing?

Oh, that was really beautiful,

I should put you in a movie or something.

You're too cute.

- You know, before you put us in a movie, Mr. Hollywood,

you know, where's the rent?

- You know, I called my mother, she's gonna give me

the money, I'll have it for you by the end of the week.

- The end of the week? - Yeah, Sunday.

Sunday?

Sunday's no good, you know, all the banks

are closed on Sunday.

Oh, well Monday then.

- No, forget about Monday, that's next week,

I want it this week.

You have the money Friday.

I want the money.

Yeah, I want the money.

- By Friday. - By Friday.

Or I break your fucking skull.

Or I'll break your fucking skull.

That's all, like that.

That's that, like that.

- Don't tell me, I'm telling you it's like that.

You have the money Friday...

Hey, let me, I'll do it...

No, I'm doing it 'cause you can't.

- I'm doing it, what do you mean you're doing it?

- You wanna work for me you do it my way, you understand?

Listen, I'm gonna grow, you understand?

You're what?

You told me I could grow in this job.

In the garden you'll grow.

Meet you in the garden.

Hey, hey come here.

You know, you put me in this position, you understand?

No, here you are, you put me in this position, okay?

I want the money Friday.-

- Okay. - You understand?

Yeah.

And let me tell you something,

can a blind man direct a movie?

Huh? - What?

Yeah, can a blind man direct a movie?

Come on, come on.

Go ahead, get outta here.

Yeah, go ahead.

- This movie, is it black and white or is it in color?

I don't know, I can't see.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh.

Enjoy yourselves.

One day you'll see.

I'll put you in a script and it won't be so flattering.

Someday I'll come back in a limousine

to reminisce about my developing years

and they'll have mounted a plaque

on the front of this dingy building

with the words "Aldolfo Rollo lived here."

Tour buses will slowly pass by.

Fat German tourists will shake their heads at the ruin.

Maybe there won't even be a building standing any longer.

And the name Bafardi will be buried under the rubble.

Why am I wasting my breath on you guys?

Today I've got a very important meeting

with some big producers.

You know what we got?

We got a dog that can read your mind.

Are you propositioning my wife?

- That's his little joke, but now look what's happened.

You're making the kid nervous.

Kid, you want a sucker or something?

You know who he reminds me of, though?

He looks like a young Don Knotts, you know Don Knotts?

Incredible Mr. Limpet, Son of Flubber?

What, you mean the guy that blew up?

What guy blew up?

Guess who I see.

Who?

Gary Cooper.

I see a young Gary Cooper.

- What I tell you, she's got the eye, right?

Young Gary Cooper, listen, you wanna make 100 bucks?

We're shooting something this weekend.

You show up at this address.

They were interested in me, all right.

I'm just not sure for what.

Friday was coming and I was down to nothing,

and 100 bucks is 100 bucks.

Here you go, kids.

Get yourselves some Chinese food.

And thanks for adding some class to our program.

Hey, Bubbles, look who's here,

it's Gary fuckin' Cooper, huh?

- Oh jeez, what was this kid's real name, huh?

Don Knotts, I don't know.

Oh nevermind, nevermind.

Gary!

Gary, we're so happy to have you here,

we've been thinking a lot about your potential.

Make yourself comfortable.

All right.

This kid looks so nervous, like a fish on a hook.

Don't be nervous, kid, you know we're gonna do?