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[BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR PLAYING]

[BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR PLAYING]

Man: IRA, PLEASE, DON'T GET STARTED ON BRIAN.

HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN PLAYING POKER AT HIS HOUSE?

I DON'T KNOW. 2 YEARS?

2 YEARS.

IN 2 YEARS, HOW MANY TIMES DID HE TELL US

WE'RE ON HIS NEXT SHOW?

WELL, HE NEVER ACTUALLY SAID THAT WE WERE--

HE HAS IMPLIED IT

AND HINTED AT IT MANY TIMES.

WELL, WE DON'T KNOW THAT HE'S NOT GONNA HIRE US.

WOULD ERNIE, OUR AGENT, BE AVOIDING US

IF BRIAN, OUR SCUMBAG,

HAD SHOWN ANY INTEREST IN HIRING US?

MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT TO PUT ANYBODY ON HIS STAFF.

MAYBE HE'S JUST GONNA HAND OUT FREELANCE ASSIGNMENTS

OH, DON'T BE SO DESPERATE.

IRA, WE HAVEN'T WORKED IN 8 MONTHS...

AND I HAVE A WIFE.

ALL RIGHT, I-- DON'T SAY IT.

Woman: ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR CARD GAME?

Man: YEAH, WHAT'S UP?

BRIAN'S SHOW WAS PICKED UP.

I WANT TO FINISH MY BOOK!

DO THE SHOW FOR ONE SEASON,

AND YOU CAN FINISH YOUR BOOK DURING HIATUS.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LEFT FROM THE ADVANCE?

NO.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT THIS.

JUST LET BRIAN KNOW THAT YOU'RE READY TO WORK

AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING.

Man: HAVE YOU EVER WORKED WITH BRIAN BEFORE?

NO, I NEVER WORKED WITH HIM.

I KNOW HE WAS A REALLY BIG FAN OF MONKEY'S UP.

DON'T BRING THAT UP.

WHY?

WHEN YOU BRING UP A SHOW

THAT LASTED 8 EPISODES 2 SEASONS AGO

IT'S LIKE HOLDING UP A SIGN

THAT SAYS, "WILL WRITE FOR FOOD."

GOTCHA.

GOOD.

NOW GET IN THERE AND SUCK BRIAN'S DICK.

I AM ALL OVER IT.

NO, NO, BRIAN,

I'M NOT ALLOWING YOU TO DO THIS TO ME.

I THOUGHT I WAS READY TO COME BACK.

YOU ARE READY, MAN! I GOT YOU 22 ON THE AIR!

THEY WANT A FUCKIN' ANTHOLOGY SHOW, MAN.

EVERY WEEK A NEW FUCKIN' DEAL.

22 TIMES.

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

MORE SUSPENSEFUL THAN EERIE,

BUT A LITTLE EERIE...

WITH AN EDGE.

EVERYTHING'S GOT AN EDGE.

AND FUNNY, BUT DARK.

HOW DARK DEPENDS ON WHETHER WE GET

00 00.

AND IT'S GOTTA HAVE THIS LOOK.

SOMETHING ABOUT...

DIGITALS AND PIXELS AND DROP FRAMES.

AND WE'LL GET THOSE CHANTING BULGARIAN MONKS TO DO THE THEME.

MONKS WITH AN EDGE.

IS THAT WHAT THOSE IDIOTS TOLD YOU?

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD THEM.

THEN WHAT'S THE DEAL?! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, BRIAN?

I SAT ON THAT COUCH,

AND I TRIED TO LISTEN TO MY OWN VOICE.

I WAS SPEAKING IN TONGUES.

WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU WERE SPEAKING IN, BRIAN?!

YOU GOT 22 SHOWS ON THE AIR.

AND I KNOW MELINDA. ONCE A DEAL IS MADE, THE REST IS CAKE.

CAKE?!

CAKE?!

22 EPISODES IS CAKE?!

BRIAN, YOU JUST GOTTA GET A TASTE FOR IT, OK?

LISTEN, YOU'RE A LITTLE RUSTY.

COME ON, BRI! YOU'RE THE MAN!

REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO GO OUT IN THE DESERT FOR 3 DAYS

AND COME BACK WITH 2 SHOOTING SCRIPTS?

YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T COME BACK WITH THE EIGHTBALL OF BLOW.

WELL, IF THAT'S THE ONLY PROBLEM.

COKE?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!

FORGET IT! FORGET IT! BAD IDEA! YOU'RE RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT. LET'S TAKE THIS ONE STEP AT A TIME.

ALL THEY NEED BY FRIDAY

ARE STORY OUTLINES FOR THE FIRST 6 SHOWS.

NOTHING?

NOTHING!

YOU'VE HAD 30 DAYS, BRIAN!

GODDAMN IT, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!

YOU WANTED TO START WORKING AGAIN.

YOU SAID THE THERAPY WAS WORKING--

YOU'RE FUCKIN' CENTERED OR WHATEVER KIND OF BULLSHIT!

I KNOW YOU, BRIAN! YOU AREN'T GONNA LIKE FLYING COACH

AND LIVING IN FUCKING HACIENDA HEIGHTS!

2 WORDS FOR YOU, BRIAN: POTATO FAMINE!

YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE SCOURING ON YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS' BATHROOM

LOOKING FOR MUSHROOMS TO EAT! I KNOW YOU, BUDDY!

WHEN YOU STICK A DARNING NEEDLE UP YOUR ASS,

YOU'RE, LIKE, AT THE VAN NUYS HOLIDAY INN!

YOU OK?

NO. THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

HERE'S WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.

YOU GOTTA GET YOURSELF CLEANED UP,

PLAY YOUR POKER GAME, AND I'LL CALL YOU IN THE MORNING.

AND IF YOU STILL DON'T WANT TO DO IT, I'LL CALL MELINDA.

WILL YOU GET THE DOOR?

Man: FIRST DAY'S BETS.

YEAH, I'M IN.

UH-HUH.

I CALL.

I FEEL LUCKY.

THAT'S RIGHT. HERE THEY COME.

KING TO THE 3...

10, ACE... QUEEN FOR THE ACTOR...

JACK. LOOKING LOW.

LOOKING VERY LOW.

ACE, 10.

5. I'M IN IT.

CHASING.

I CALL. I'M OUT.

YOU'RE--YOU'RE FOLDING AN ACE, TOO?

BRIAN ALWAYS BEATS ME LOW.

YOU HAD HIM BEAT ON THE TABLE, DUMMY.

I HAD A QUEEN UNDERNEATH.

WELL, THANKS A FUCKING LOT, BENNY.

JESUS CHRIST, BENNY,

THEY'RE DEALT FACEDOWN FOR A REASON.

SORRY. SORRY. SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

HOW ABOUT A CHOCO-CCINO?

I DON'T THINK SO. IT ALWAYS MAKES ME PHLEGMY.

Ira: IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

HE NEVER OFFERED ME A CHOCO-CCINO.

CAN WE GET A NEW GAME GOING HERE?

YEAH, LET'S GO.

THANKS, BENNY.

I'M GONNA DEAL AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE A DO-OVER.

THIS TIME FROM THE TOP OF THE DECK.

WELL, YOU CAN'T ASK FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU IN, BENNY?

DEAL ME IN. I'M IN. I'M IN.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S ANTE UP, BOYS.

Ira: ARE WE GONNA PLAY THE WHOLE GAME THIS TIME?

GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME THIS TIME, BENNY.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

Benny: TAKE IT EASY.

WE'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE. LET'S GO.

TURN YOURS OVER, WILL YA?

10 OVER HERE. WE GOT A 3 AND A 5.

BRIAN WINS AGAIN.

Neal: GOT ME AGAIN.

BRIAN'S TOO GOOD TONIGHT.

Benny: IT'S THE BANK OF BRIAN.

WHAT HAVE YOU LOST, 500?

YOU ARE HOT.Benny: YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.

BRIAN, I-- YOU'RE KILLING ME.

YOU ARE FUCKING KILLING ME.

CHOCO-CCINO?

MAY I HAVE MY BALLS BACK?

I'M A LOSER, YOU'RE A WINNER.

THAT'S A NICE SHIRT, BRIAN. WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

ALL RIGHT. I GIVE. I GIVE. I SURRENDER.

I'M ITALYING HERE.

I'M GIVING UP. I GOT BUPKIS.

BUPKIS. IT'S YOURS.

HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?

BRIAN, YOU ARE HOTTER THAN HONEYMOON DICK.

CIGAR?

NO, HAVE ONE OF MINE.

YOU WANT ME TO GET THE DOOR?

UH, NO, I'LL GET IT.

UH, DEAL ME OUT THIS HAND.

Benny: HANK'S DEAL.

Hank: JUST HANG ON A SECOND.

BENNY,

I THINK YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR NOSE HERE.

WHAT?

I'D ASSUME IT WAS SOMETHING BRIAN ATE 2 OR 3 DAYS AGO.

HEY, I NOTICED YOU DUMPING HANDS TO HIM, TOO.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

YEAH. ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR JOBS OR SOMETHING?

YEAH. WHAT'S WITH YOU, HANK?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A KISS-ASS?