Essex Boys

I'll try anything once, me,

except bestiality.

And maybe Morris dancing.

Yeah, I'll try and give them aswerve.

Now round here where I live, everyone's heard of Jason Locke.

He'd just done a five stretch for armed robbery. Been outless than 24 hours.

Mr. D. had asked me to drive him about for a few days,

so I said, "Yeah, sure."

We pick up this van, and Jason says...

he wants to look up an old friend who he knew from before.

You squealin' git! You fucker!

You want some, huh? Yeah, you cunt!

Please, no more!

Fucking grass! Come here!

Leave him alone!

You fucking grass!

This is what you get.

Fuckin' grass!

Get in there!

Oh, my face!

Shit.

My face is burning up!

Come on. Let's go home.

And that was that.Job done.

Jason needed a new shirt. The geezer needed a new face.

Next, I take him to his mate's place,

which he's been hearing things about.

Fucking bastards.

Lisa?

I've seen his house. He's taking the piss.

Nice, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. How'd he get that sort of dough?

How'd he stay out of prison?

- You want egg with this? - No. Yeah, go on.

- Would you like anything? - No, I'm all right. Ta.

He had a Porsche and a Bentley, the bastard.

What, a Porsche now? That must be new.

- What about Wayne? - Oh, he's got a five-series BMW...

and a nice little three-bedroom house in Billericay.

It was a fucking mansion... great big drive, electric gates,

fucking statues of lions on the gate posts.

- You could have told me. - What, spoil the surprise?

Anyway, so look, I'm thinking, "It's been a really interesting morning.

Thanks very much. If it's all the same to you..."

- And then he says, - Gonna need you some more, Billy.

- All right? Later on. - And I say...

- Yeah, sure. - And that's it. I've got the job.

Your girlfriend won't mind, will she, Billy?

You have got a girlfriend, haven'tyou?

Yeah, I got a girlfriend. She won't mind.

Liar.

One-nine. Yes, that's right.

Mrs. Knight for Brentwood.

Yeah, one-nine. Yeah, on my way.

- The geezer grassed him up. What else could he do? - Oh, yeah?

I ain't sayin' he should have gone that far, but you know how it is.

Oh, he just sounds like an animal to me.

They should put him back inside, do us all a favor.

He's just done a five-year stretch 'cause of this mug.

- I'd have done exactly the same thing. - That's you, is it, Billy?

You could do that to someone?

In principle.

Billy, don't get involved with this bloke.

See him, Peter, oh, he's the top boy. He runs the show.

Him, Wayne, does whatever Peter tells him.

And Jason... Well, every firm needs a mad acidbath murderer, don't they?

What do you think of my hair, Billy?

- You look like a fuckin' poof. - Fuck off!

What?

Fuck of, will ya?

It's all right, isn't it?

It looks really, really fucking stupid.

Can't you go any faster, Billy? I'm racing in the back here.

I thought you were supposed to be Billy fuckin' Whizz.

It's all come from the doors. You run the doors, and you control what get inside.

Clubs don't give a shit. Just don't want any aggro.

Most weeks now, we're... turning over 20 grand.

- Yeah? - Mm.

Fucking hell.

We, uh, do a bit of weed in the week maybe,

but pills is where the money's really at.

I keep away from them when they're on them.

Fucking eyes all go wonky, don't they? He's done 'em, soppy nuts.

I won't touch 'em meself.

They're not for you, Jase. They make you wanna love everyone.

I love you!

Pull in here, Billy Whizz.

What's happened to the Honeycomb?

Half a million on a refit, and it's now called Blondz.

- Packed every night of the week. - Is it still ours?

No. They gave it to that prick, Perry Elley.

Perry fucking Elley?

Yeah. It's him and us now, Jase.

That fucking wanker.

He was knocking out dodgy Sierras.

Yeah, well, he's moved in on the doors now, like us,

'cause that's where the money is.

Every door he gets is one we could be making money from. You know what I'm saying, Jase?

Billy.

I want you to pull up outside in exactly five minutes, yeah?

- Sure. - Don't fuck about.

You make sure you're right outside.

You all right, Nic?

All right, listen, darling, I don't think I'm gonna be back till about midnight.

Yeah. No, it's nothing like that.

No, I'm just waiting for 'em outside Blondz in Southend.

You know, the one with the glass.

Nic, I gotta go.

Bloody hell, they've thrown him from the bloody window.

Leave him!

Fuckin' leave him!

Go forward!

Go forward and run the bastard over! We ain't got time to fuck up about.

Careful, Billy Whizz.

Fucking amateur!

Shit!

Oh, God!

Get down.

You are fucking Billy Whizz.

Yeah. Let's move.

Well done, Billy Whizz. You did all right.

Yeah, nice one, Billy.

What do you think of the barnet, Billy?

- It's all right, isn't it? - Yeah, it looks all right.

See, I told you.

And this boy knows what he's talking about.

Mm, pair of fucking poofs.

Nicole. Nicole.

Oi, look. Ta-da.

Ta-da!

You said you was going to be back at 12:00, Billy.

I know. I'm sorry.

I've had a right result, though. Look at that, 500 quid.

That's for one night's work.

- Where are you going? - I needa wee.

So, what happened?

Well, it just seemed to go on, and I couldn't get away.

If I'd known you was going to be out all night, I wouldn't have bothered coming around.

- I'm sorry. - I've got to pick up Candice in a couple of hours.

Yeah, but that's 500 quid. It's not bad, is it?

That's just for driving them about. And I tell you what, they're well pleased with me.

All of a sudden, I have just become Billy Whizz.

It's like Billy Whizz this and Billy Whizz that.

- Better than cabbing, isn't it? - o you mind?

Sorry.

They'll want me again tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Come on, get into bed.

Warm me up. Make yourself useful.

The following night, I'm out with them again.

Pete Chaseruns the security at Dantes,

which means I don't have to queue up with all the other mugs,

which is nice.

Billy Whizz, come on, son. You're with the A-team now.

Who's he, Billy?

Oh, my God, that's Jason Locke, isn't it?

He's just come out.

did she?

It's a simple question, and I want an answer.

Why'd you have to ask me?

It's insulting.

No is the answer. Absolutely not. No.

did you see her spending time with anyone?

Come on, Jase. I just told you.

That I know of, she didn't mess around.

What do you mean, "that you know of"?

Hey, Billy Whizz, come over here.

Stay there.

How you doing, Billy?

- Not too bad, Mr. Chase. - Call me, Peter.

- All right? - Are you Jason?

Yeah.

What you gonna do when you've finished with Jason, go back to cabbing?

Er, yeah. I mean, I thought I might do the knowledge.

- You know what I mean, do it properly. - That's a hard game, that.

All them fuckin' tests. Sloggin' about onmopeds. Goodluck to you, boy.

Well, you've gotta do something, ain't ya?

I don't like to see anybody work when they don't have to.

And you're a bright bloke, Billy.

We've been very impressed with you. Very impressed.

We'd like to make you an offer.

How about when you finish driving Jason around, you don't go back to cabbing?

How about you stay driving for us?

- What, you mean... - I mean, you work full-time for us.

What's the matter, Billy?

You saw a few things last night, Billy, but, er, well...

in my book... makes you one of the boys.

Yeah, but you know I'd never say nothing about last night, don't ya?

Oh, yeah. I know that, Billy. I know I can trust you.

It was either that, Billy, or we stick a knife in ya.

Bing.

did you speak to Peter about the business?

Pete's me mate.

Yeah.

You tell him you want to be his partner, not his mate.

He'll sort me out, all right.

Look. I know how they work. I've been watching them.

There's too many people in the chain.

What fucking chain? What are you on about?

Jason!