Delitto a Porta Romana

Woo! Woo! Woo!

- Dixon, uh, you notice a problem here?

- I'm glad you brought this up, Coach.

Somebody keeps painting that out of bounds line

right where I need to step.

Who do we talk to about that?

- Uh, look, Troy, now I know you've only played two games

as wide receiver and you have the potential to be great--

if you stay in bounds.

Now, look, we may have won this game,

but if you don't work on your balance,

we might lose the next.

Oh, yeah.

- So? So what I trip once in a while.

It's just a side effect of my mad skills.

Michael Irvin had mad skills.

But he didn't have any "side effects."

- Using my favorite player against me.

That's cold, Coach.

Do you know what's colder?

The bench.

Hey, I know it sounds crazy,

but do you know what would really help you

with your footwork and balance?

- What? - Ballet lessons.

Ballet? Are you trippin'?

No, but you are--

trippin' all over the field.

- Oh... - Mm-hm.

That isn't even funny.

- This may be the way to fix that.

Sometimes I help my mom out at her dance studio.

You can take a beginner class.

Troy in a tutu.

Now that I'd like to see.

- Make fun of my idea all you want.

But the truth is a lot of great athletes

use ballet to help their game.

- Yeah, maybe, but no football player

would be caught dead in tights.

- Hey, man, here's your sports stockings.

Thank you, Sawyer.

Psshht. Tights.

Yo, Troy, wake up.

Wake up, man.

- Michael Irvin? Is that you?

- Wow, you are not quick, kid.

Well...

actually, I am extremely quick.

Just have this little...

side effect.

- Yeah, you fall on your face.

That's why you need to take ballet, dude.

Do you wanna be a football legend like me?

You gotta get your "rond de jambe" on, son.

Now wake up so I can get outta this froufrou tutu.

- Whoa, where did that come from?

- Don't ask me. It's your dream.

ompaniment]

- Troy? - Shhhh!

Don't say my name.

Call me by my alias-- Tito Moustache.

- I can't believe you took my advice.

This is so awesome, Toto. - It's Tito!

- Whatever. What made you change your mind?

- Well, this is gonna sound crazy,

but I had a dream where Michael Irvin

told me to take ballet.

It doesn't sound crazy.

Sometimes dreams help us work out our problems.

So it wasn't really Michael Irvin

telling you to take ballet.

It was you telling you to take ballet.

- Nah, I'm pretty sure it was Michael Irvin.

- I'm just glad you're actually listening to one of my ideas.

- Look, you just have to promise me

no one is gonna find out about this ballet stuff.

- I promise. I'm your QB and you're my wide receiver.

That's a sacred bond.

- Good because the rest of the team looks up to me

and I don't wanna look stupid.

I look stupid!

- Don't worry. It's what everyone else is wearing, too.

Everyone else?

Yeah, it's a beginner class.

Hey. How're you doing, sweeties?

Move it, rookie.

- Oh, no. - This can't be happening.

- Oh, um, Sophie, is there a problem?

Do you wanna talk about it--

perhaps over a pudding cup or, I don't know,

a candlelit dinner?

Get away from me, tiny man.

I love our playful banter.

- Shhh, stop talking. We're watching "Baja Beach."

Where's Bella? Oh, she is missing this.

- Who cares? It's just one of them kissy girl dramas.

- Oh, it is so much more than that.

Kiss me, Fernando.

- You were saying? - Shhhh!

Rosa, my love, I must leave.

A general belongs with his army.

If you go,

I swear I will marry your twin brother.

- No, Rosa! - He's all wrong for you!

- Correction--kissing and lame.

Oh!

That was really good.

You've made a lot of progress in a week.

You're starting to get it, Tater.

It's Tito.

And I am crushing it.

Hey, yo, Britney, check it.

Congratulations.

You're almost ready for the seven-year-old class.

- Oh, and then Rosa told Fernando

she was going to marry his twin brother.

I can't even...

- You have to watch with us tonight.

We're gonna drink velvet chai frappes

and glitter glow our faces.

- I wish I could, but I have to cover for

my mom's ballet class again.

Um, Bella, don't freak out,

but Kyle the Smile just walked in.

Oh, boy.

- Uh, we'll give you some privacy.

- Wait. No. I'm not ready for this.

I don't know what to talk about.

What do I say?

Hey, Kyle.

Uh...

salt?

- Oh, thanks. I like salt.

So, listen, I'm sorry we never got to dance.

Yeah, me, too.

- I was thinking maybe we could--

- Hey, Mom, look. It's Tito the terrible ballet boy.

- Tito? What kind of name is Tito?

And very far from my name.

You must be confused, little girl.

Go away, Britney.

- What's she talkin' about? - I have no idea.

I'm sorry, I've gotta go.

Are you trying to put--

- Kids and their crazy imaginations.

I blame television. Let's go find your mommy.

This isn't over, Tito!

- Wow, she really seemed like she knew you.

- I know. That's weird. I'm offended. Let's go.

Go away from me, Fernando.

I don't love you any more.

This is confused because I am not Fernando.

I am Juan, his twin brother.

What are you doin'?

- Um, I was just lookin' for the, uh...

ice road monster truckers...

channel.

- You're watchin' that kissy girl drama.

- Okay, I was. But it's not just kissy.

It's got intrigue, plot twists, and some very foxy ladies.

- How could you ever get wrapped up

in some kinda of show like that?

- Hold your horses. Does this take place on a ranch?

A ranch. A beach. A castle.

There's a general and his twin brother, there's a goat,

a witch, and some crazy chick named Rosa who has amnesia.

Quiet! The horses are back.

What's taking Bella so long?

Probably some football thing.

Hey, have you tackled our missing Bella?

- Rude, party of one. Your table is ready.

And, no. No, we have not.

Have you guys seen Troy?

No. Hm, that's weird.

- You're really starting to get that "rond de--"

Hey, guys.

Bella, there you are.

We've barely seen you this week.

Where have you been?

- Oh, I've been, uh... helping Troy study.

Troy? Study? For what?

- Math. - History.

- Right, the history of math.

It's for smart people, so...

Anyway, gotta go.

Troy, is this a ballet shoe?

How would I know?

- Oh, 'cause it fell out of your bag.

- Oh, that's, uh, that's because--

It's mine.

- What's your ballet slipper doing in Troy's bag?

Uh, well...

Bella and I are dating!