The Big Bang Theory

Your argument is lacking on all scientific merit.

And it is well established, Superman cleans his uniform

by flying into Earth yellow Sun, which incinerate any contaminate matter

and leaves the unvulnerable Kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy fresh.

What if he gets something Kryptonian on it?

- Like what? - I don't know. Kryptonian mustard.

I think we can safely assume that all Kryptonian condiments

were destroyed when the planet Krypton exploded.

Or it turned into mustard Kryptonite,

the only way to destroy a rogue Kryptonian hotdog threatening Earth.

Raj, please, let's stay serious here.

Superman's body is Kryptonian, therefore his sweat is Kryptonian.

What about Kryptonian pit stains?

Superman doesn't sweat on Earth.

He's invited for dinner in the Bottle City of Kandor.

He miniaturizes himself, enters the city where he loses his superpowers.

Before dinner, his host says,

"Who's up for a little Kryptonian tetherball?"

Superman says "Sure," works up a sweat, comes back to Earth,

his uniform now stained with indestructible Kryptonian perspiration.

Boo ya.

Superman would have taken his uniform

to a Kandorian dry cleaner before he left the Bottle.

"Kandorian dry cl..." I give up.

You can't have a rational argument with this man.

Isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year?

No, not all at once.

Then how?

Leonard.

Now, Raj.

Now, Sheldon.

I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?

- It's David Underhill. So what? - So what?

His observation of high-energy positrons has provided

the first conclusive evidence for the existence of galactic dark matter.

I have two words for you. The first is "big," the other's "whoop."

It is a big whoop.

It made almost all the work you've done completely useless.

- Did not. - Did, too.

Okay, maybe some of it, but...

The guy was just in the right place, at the right time

with the right paradigm-shifting reinterpretation of the universe.

He got lucky.

In more ways than one.

He's a very handsome man.

Doesn't do anything for me. If I was gonna go that way,

I'm more of a Zac Efron kinda guy.

Yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.

Excuse me... Are you Leonard Hofstadter?

I'm David Underhill.

Dr. Gablehauser said if I wanted to set something up

in the photomultiplier lab, that you'd be able to give me a hand?

- You want to work with me? - If you have a little time.

Sure.

Yeah, no problem.

Here's my home number. Here's my cell.

Here's my office.

Here's my parents' number up in New Jersey.

They always know how to reach me.

Congratulations on the MacArthur Grant, by the way. Big fan.

Thanks. I'll call you.

What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Trailing badly, Wolowitz needs a strike

if he has any hopes of catching up with Sheldon Cooper,

who is dominating in the ninth frame with a career-best 68.

Hey, guys!

That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!

There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.

There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Where were you that's more important than Wii bowling night?

- Actually... - It's rhetorical.

There is nothing more important than Wii bowling night.

Come on, it's just a video game. And we suck at it.

Nice motivational speech from the team captain.

- Where were you? - I was working with Dave Underhill.

"Dave." Sounds like Leonard's got a new BFF.

Actually, he's pretty cool. Not only is he a brilliant scientist,

but it turns out he's a Black Diamond skier.

He collects vintage motorcycles. He plays in a rock band.

So? We're in a rock band.

No...

We play Rock Band on our X-Box.

Nice motivational speech from our lead guitarist.

He's funny, too.

He does this hysterical impersonation of Stephen Hawking having phone sex.

What are you wearing?

That's not... He does it better.

He said he was gonna take me to the gym tomorrow,

so I'm gonna go practice my situps.

Humongous man crush, dude.

Yeah. It's officially a bro-mance.

Are you and Leonard putting up a Christmas tree?

No, because we don't celebrate

the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia.

- Saturnalia? - Gather round, kids,

it's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special.

In the pre-Christian era,

as the winter solstice approached and the plants died,

pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes

as an act of sympathetic magic,

intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring.

This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans

and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree.

And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about.

Thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard

a few silly neighbor gifts, so I'll just put them under my tree.

Wait! You bought me a present?

Why would you do such a thing?

'Cause it's Christmas?

I know you think you're being generous,

but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity.

You haven't given me a gift. You've given me an obligation.

Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake.

My first Hanukah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

You don't have to get me anything in return.

Of course I do. The essence of the custom

is that I now have to go out and purchase a gift of commensurate value

and representing the same perceived level of friendship

as that represented by the gift you've given me.

It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.

It's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says, "To Sheldon."

The die has been cast. The moving finger has writ,

Hannibal has crossed the Alps.

I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us.

Sheldon, I am very, very sorry.

No, I brought this on myself

by being such an endearing and important part of your life.

I'm going to need a ride to the mall.

It's happening to us.

- Are you gonna make it? - Yeah, I guess.

Thanks for letting me try out your motorcycle.

No problem.

I had no idea it was so heavy.

The thing just fell right over on me, didn't it?

Yeah. Lucky for you it wasn't moving.

Hey, Leonard. Are you okay?

It's just a little motorcycle accident.

My God, how fast were you going?

I don't know. It's all such a blur.

Good one. He couldn't even get it started.

- Hi. Dave. - Hi.

Penny. So it's your motorcycle?

- Is it okay? - It's fine.

Lucky for the bike it landed on my leg.

You mind giving me a hand with Speed Racer here?

- How do you know Leonard? - I'm a physicist.

No, you're not.

Why is that so surprising?

Well, it's just that the physicists I know

are indoorsy and pale.

I'm not indoorsy. I just wear the appropriate sun block

because I don't take melanoma lightly.

So, are you and Leonard working on an experiment together?

- Actually we are. - We're examining the radiation levels

of photomultiplier tubes for a new dark matter detector.

Sweetie, sweetie, Dave was talking.

You know, I love science.

- Since when? - Since always.

Call me a geek, but I am just nuts

for the whole subatomic particle thing.

The last thing I would ever call you is a geek.

Well, that's what I am... queen of the nerds.

If you like, I could show you the lab we're working in.

We've got some cool toys, you know, lasers and stuff.

You know, I have always wanted to see a big science lab.

- Since when? - Since always.

Leonard, are you okay here?

- I guess. - How about we go see it now?