Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Good evening, everybody,

and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

On tonight's show, "Dancing with the Stars,"

Wayne Brady;

dancing in the dark, Jeff Davis;

dancing baby, Colin Mochrie;

and dancing queen, it's Ryan Stiles.

And I'm Aisha Tyler.

Let's have some fun!

Hi, everybody. Welcome.

Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

The show where everything is made up.

The points, they don't matter.

We've got a great show for you tonight,

so let's get started with a game we call "Weird Newscasters."

This is for all four of our performers.

Gentlemen, come on down.

In this game, Colin is the anchor of a news program.

Jeff, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,

and each of whom has a rather odd personality.

Jeff is the co-anchor who's also an amorous, loving,

affectionate potter working at his wheel on new pot Colin.

Wayne is gonna be the sportscaster

who's also an army cadet

who thinks the studio is an assault course

that he is training on.

And Ryan is the weather forecaster

who's also having furious arguments

with members of his family in the studio.

Whenever you are ready, gentlemen.

Have at thee.

**

Welcome to the 6:00 news.

I'm your anchor, Earl With-The-Dragon-Tattoo.

Our top story -- a couple was arrested

in the India's tallest building

for doing as many positions in the Kama Sutra

as possible in the elevator.

Said one policeman,

"It was wrong on so many levels."

Let's see what's happening in the rest of the world

with Derry.

Ooh.

Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, yes.

Yes.

Shh.

Little water.

She's no Demi.

It'll have to do.

Could've bought me dinner first.

Let's see what's happening in the world of sports.

Yes, sir! Cadet Johnson reporting, sir!

I'm here to tell you all about what's happening

in college football. The latest,

it appears that there's gonna be 15 teams

vying for the latest...

...latest titles.

Someone's gonna have to win the season.

Someone's gonna have to do it.

It's gonna have to happen. It's got to happen.

It's gonna happen, but we don't know when.

Impossible.

We don't understand exactly.

I made a pot.

Let's see what's happening in weather with Lumpy Guru.

Thank you, Colin.

Check the weather for the weekend.

Got rain coming in on the weekend, which is just fine

because I have nothing planned with the family,

'cause everyone's arguing.

They're all here in the studio this evening with me.

Mom, where are you?

There she is, back there.

Mom, come down here I need to make up with you.

Mom, Mom, come here.

You raised your hand. Come here.

Dad? Dad where are you?!

Dad, come here, Dad.

Come here, Dad.

This is my...

-This is my mother, Irene. -Hello. Yes.

This is my father, Albert.

And also my -- my three brothers are here.

Jim -- Jim, Jack, Phil, come down here, if you will, please.

And...

And I think what's causing the argument

probably is the fact that we have three brothers.

But that man!

Thinks he's part of the family.

Come here, Jerry.

Even though we argue,

this family shares something a lot of families can't.

We have a family song

that we sing every Christmas.

Don't laugh!

Richie's always been the joker of the family.

Let's sing the family song. Just the first verse is fine.

Remember our last name is Stiles.

* Oh, Stiles family *

* We love each other *

* Except Richie *

I'll see you guys after the show.

Mom, Mom, give me a hug, Mom.

Bye, son.

Mom, give me another hug.

Well, that's all time we have for news.

Goodnight...and good news.

Never seen anyone twice as old as their mother and father.

Or twice as tall.

Or twice as white.

500 points to that lady for turning out a big Caucasian guy.

-We're all family. -Whoo!

-We're all family. -That's right!

We're all family.

Now, my friends,

it's time for a game called "Hoedown!"

This is where all of our performers

with Laura Hall at the piano.

So what I need from the audience is a suggestion.

I need a suggestion that I hope I'm gonna get to use!

And I would like a suggestions

for a type of restaurant that you might eat at.

Ohh!

Alright, I actually did hear Mexican,

so we're gonna go with Mexican food, alright?

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear the Mexican food hoedown.

**

* I eat Mexican food *

*

* If we ate together *

*

* Do you want these chips *

* These chips, I got those *

* No, no-no-no, don't touch that, *

* Uh-ah, nachos *

* I love fajitas, enchiladas, burritos, too *

-Woof. -* I could eat them all day *

* Yippe-yi, yoo-hoo *

* As I just eat them *

* Yes, I do feel fine *

* You know, I'm kind of tired *

* Make up your own punch line *

* I'm swimming in the pool *

* I ate all the food they brought *

* I thought it was something *

* Maybe I shouldn't have not *

* I ran into the bathroom *

* And whipped down my Speedo *

* And right there on the floor *

* I dropped a big, huge burrito *

* I just got back from good-old Mexico *

* I sure like those chilies *

* I eat them, don't you know *

* I like to go down south *

* And do a Spanish dance *

* And after I eat chili *

* I make chili in my pants *

* Chili in my pants *

Hey, don't go away! We'll be back with more

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after these messages.

Thank you.

Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

And now we're gonna move on to a game called "Infomercial."

This game is for Ryan and Colin. Come on down.

Grab your box of fun. In this game,

our boys are gonna be trying to sell their audience

some utterly useless items.

And you've got them there,

and you're gonna be selling a kit

to help a person get a better night's sleep.

When you're ready, take it away.

-Hey, what's up? -Huh? Oh, man.

I'm sorry Colin. Oh, we're on the air.

Yeah. Hey, you look like

you're not getting enough sleep at night.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Then have we got something for you!

-I did sleep. -Ha, he's lying!

-He's a big liar! -But it is a big problem

-with a lot of people. -Yes, the technical term

-is insomnia. -Really? What's that mean?

It means I can't sleep at night.

Oh.

Here is something that I think you will be amazed at.