The Mick

31, 30,

- 29, 28... you better hustle. - Ah!

- I'm gonna make it! - Not a chance in hell.

- What are you doing? - Oh, you guys,

Alba bet me a hundred bucks that she could go to the store,

grab some smokes and be back in under five minutes.

- That's impossible. - I know!

That's what I keep telling her.

Ugh, she's smoking again?

I-I don't keep track of what she does anymore.

Coming in hot!

You're never gonna make it.

You might as well just give up.

No! Never!

All right. Ten,

nine, eight...

- seven, six... - Here I come... whoa! No!

Alba!

- Whoa! -Yeah! - Whoa! Amazing!

All right... oh.

Yep.

There she is.

How are you feeling?

I'm alive?

Oh, you have no idea how lucky you are.

Yeah, wish we could say the same for the Maserati.

You frickin' accordioned it.

That's the third car you've crashed this month.

All right. Ease up.

You brats have plenty of cars.

There's only one Alba.

They're right though: you're gonna die.

I am out of control.

- Yeah. - I need to go to rehab.

Oh, send me to the Promises

- in Malibu. - No.

I-I don't believe in rehab.

It's ruined too many great musicians.

It sucks the zip out of you.

I don't want you to lose your zip, Alba.

I just want you to not die.

I huffed shoe polish yesterday.

- Not in front of the kid. - Well...

Hey, Ben, you want to go grab

some candyout of the vending machine?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Mickey, I need help. - All right,

well, you do what every normal person does,

and you go to church.

Since when are you so religious?

I'm not religious at all, but I like church.

Free donuts, coffee.

Little wine to take the edge off.

Then you confess all the bad stuff you did

and go home guilt-free, ready to do it all over again.

Didn't your parents make you go to church?

Yeah, they forced us when we were little.

I hated church. It was the worst.

Yeah, you're supposed to hate it.

Then you feel great once you get through it.

You got to go to church sometimes.

But I don't believe in God.

Yeah, neither do I. That's not the point.

- No. Isn't that the entire point? - No,

the point is to make yourself feel better,

reset the dials a little bit.

And Alba, when you go back to church this weekend,

we're all gonna go with you.

I think our souls could all use a little oil change.

So... this is God's house?

That's the general idea.

Cool.

Where's the kitchen?

I bet he has great snacks.

No more questions for now, okay, pal?

Yeah, the show's about to start.

Okay, here we go. Excuse me.

Hot coffee, coming at ya.

Watch it, move those feet.

Here you go.

- Oh. - What?

- It's hot. - I told you.

Got you a donut.

- Coconut. - Yeah, they're free.

I feel like Jesus is looking down on me in judgment.

Jesus doesn't judge, that's his whole thing.

Please rise.

About time.

Can't wait to see this bloated sack of potatoes

they yanked off the can to emcee this thing.

Weird.

It's some young bro.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

The Lord be with you.

And also with you.

Good morning.

Welcome.

Happy Sunday Funday.

I am Father Zach.

Father Z, if you prefer.

And to kick things off, I thought,

why don't we turn to thy neighbor, and say "what's up?"

Go ahead and give him a dap.

Dap it out. I'll wait.

He's kind of a dork, but I like the energy

- in here, you know? - Yeah.

Before we begin, please silence your cell phones.

Unless you're posting a photo of me,

in which case, please, pick a good filter.

Whoa.

Dude's got jokes.

Okay. Let us pray.

I don't get it.

The show's over?

Where's God?

He's, uh, everywhere.

Why can't we see him?

I just wanted to say hi.

Well, you can, you know?

He's in that candle, right there.

So God lives inside the candle?

Well, he's not literally inside of it.

I mean, the candle represents God's presence in the church.

So they built this whole house...

for a candle to live in?

Well, no. I mean, when you say it like that,

it sounds ridiculous, but...

- Has anybody even seen God? - Okay, Ben,

you're seeing God. All right?

He's in the candle.

I don't think I believe in God.

- Little psycho. - Yeah.

- Doesn't feel right. - No.

It sounds smart and progressive when we say it,

but we're adults. He's a kid; he's not ready for that yet.

At that age, you got to be terrified of something

to keep you from becoming a jackass.

We got to nip this in the bud.

The "butt," actually.

It certainly is good to see you, Father.

Father Zach?

- That's me. - Hi. Mickey Molng.

This is my friend Alba. She's a world-class sinner.

And we're, uh, wondering if you got time for a quick confession.

I-I haven't been to Mass in quite some time.

Well, you're always welcome back.

Can I just say, I thought religion

was just a load of crap, but that was a pretty great set.

- I'm glad you enjoyed it. - I'm so surprised

how young you are. I thought priests were, like, what? 90?

Oh, we have one of those. Yeah.

Father McCormick is our head pastor.

Think he's pushing about a thousand now,

but he's still killing it.

I bet. Okay, um...

- I'm gonna head out. - You're welcome to stay.

Maybe God brought you here for a reason, too.

Well, that's very sweet,

but I brought myself here.

In a Porsche 911 Turbo.

So tell God thank you very much, but I'm all set.

Gonna go burn off some of that good karma. Have fun.

So let me, let me ask you a question.

Are you, like, are you writing your own stuff,

or are you just, like, pulling that out of your ass?

- Depends on the day. - Ha!

There we go. Oh, yeah.

Hello, you.

I'll take that.

Make a sandwich.

Don't play hard to get with me.

I will find you.

Okay, lettuce there. I'm healthy.

Let's see...

- Tomato... - Uh, Mickey?

Oh, good Lord.

Alba, you brought home the Lord.

Well, after all that confessing, it really worked up an appetite,

so I invited Father Zach over for dinner.

- It's so good to see you again. - I'm not drunk.

All right.

You want me to make you something?

No, I-I want to... I'm gonna make it.

Ah, it's so late though.

Right?

I'm gonna make it in my bed.

- Can I give you a hand with...? - No, I'm good. I just...

Good evening to you both.

What time is it?

6:00 a.m.

Why are we up?

Well, because we've got a breakfast date with the Lord.

Really? What's for breakfast?

Well, there isn't any food per se, but that's all right,

because we are going to feast on this.

Huh?

I mean, come on. Tell me that's not proof of God right there.

- The sunrise? - Yeah, well...

It's not just a sunrise; I mean, those blazing oranges