Chain of Fools

The search continues

in the disappearance of the shiny new enemies.

These priceless ancient Chinese coins were stolen...

Museum two nights ago.

Sergeant Meredith Kolko,

best known for the disappearance of her clothes

in last year's "Playboy" issue

"Cops out of uniform," is heading the investigation.

Elsewhere...

I hadn't planned on becoming a hero

when I walked onto that bridge...

Hey! Oh!

But this is a story

about how none of my plans work out...

And how, really, that's a good thing.

This whole mess started yesterday

when Avnet came into my shop.

Hello?

You open?

Yeah, I'm open.

Doesn't seem like it.

Haircut? Haircut.

I need a haircut.

Haircut. Yeah.

What kind of haircut would you like?

Uh...

A quick haircut. I have stuff I have to do.

Just like that is fine. See that?

Uh, fast pack?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, uh, would you like a magazine to look at?

Yeah, magazine.

Ooh. Golden. Mmm.

"Cops out of uniform."

I hope none of these pages are stuck together.

Oh, I turned right to it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Where's our... Where's our...

Oh, there she is.

Oh, baby. Uh-huh. I'd do this.

I make a rubby, I make a spanky.

She could strip-search me, but she's still a fucking cop.

Whoa.

This weather is really something, isn't it?

Hey, no small talk, please.

Okay.

Hey, did you hear about those coins

that were stolen from the museum...

Shiny new enemies?

What'd they say? Sounds like professionals, huh?

Uh, actually the paper said it was kind of botched,

that the robbers almost got caught.

Can we please just stick to the haircut?

Okay. Yeah, thanks.

Hey, looky, a customer.

Must be your lucky day.

Karen, hi. I thought I told you

not to use the back door.

Whatever. I have a little favor to ask you.

I need somebody to take care of my affairs for a month.

I'm going out of town.

You know, pick up the paper, water my plants,

walk and feed my precious little Dave.

You being my ex-husband and all,

I thought you might be the logical choice.

Karen, I'm not your ex-husband. I'm still your husband.

We just separated, and she's...

I've taken care of that little problem.

I filed for divorce this morning.

Divorce? Wha...

Hey! What'd you do? I'm bleeding.

I'm like re...

I'm... I'm technically bleeding.

Here.

Here. Here. What's your fucking problem?

Look at this.

I'm sorry. My wife is in the process of leaving me...

Your ex-wife.

I'm scarred for life. Look at that.

Oh, it's just a scratch,

and you'd be surprised at how resilient ears can be.

Just keep the pressure on. I'm sorry.

Can we talk about this in private, please?

If we have to.

Hair? What happened to the hair?

Oh, don't worry. This won't take long.

Nothing with Kresk ever does.

Oh, really? Uh, barber?

Hmm?

I'm going to make a phone call

with my good ear,

but be back by the time I get done. Go!

Okay. Go.

Uh, Bollingsworth? Avnet here.

Oh, will you at least put the scissors down?

You're making me nervous.

Divorce... It sounds so... Final.

Can we at least talk about this?

What's the point of talking?

I'm really sick of you.

Kind of puts a damper on our relationship.

Okay, but what about the reconciliation

that our counselor was talking about?

Fuck reconciliation.

It might interest you to know

I'm going to Italy with our counselor.

You're sleeping with Dr. Kenny?

See, I like to think of it as therapy.

Here. Here.

Dave needs one of these pills twice a day,

or he will bloat up and die.

And, Kresk, try not to fuck this up.

Ciao.

Dr. Kenny?

I'll mail the letter,

and then I'm going to go back to my place

and get those shiny new enemies

and then I'm going to surprise my lady

with the good news,

and then we're going to France,

then I'm going to see how European papers

cover your trial.

Goodbye, Bollingsworth, old man.

Well, you little eavesdropper.

What?

I see what you're doing over there.

You're listening.

I didn't hear anything about the...

Ooh. Uh, wow. This isn't your lucky day, barber.

Your wife is leaving you, and I'm killing you. Wow.

Hey.

I'm not going to tell anybody.

Oh, I know that, but I just got to tell you one thing

before I kill you.

I've never met a worse barber in all my life.

By killing you, I'm doing the trade of barberism

a huge favor. Uhh! Ohh!

Hey!

Oh!

It's just a scratch. Hey!

It's just a scratch.

911. What's your emergency?

Uh, the...

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Wait.

Hello?

Sir?

Hey, I'm really sorry

about the scissors in the neck thing.

Asshole.

Ohh! Hey!

Don't!

Are you okay?

Don't touch him!

Of course I should have called an ambulance.

I should have called the cops.

I should have done a lot of things,

but I couldn't stop thinking about the shiny new enemies.

I turned to my oldest friend, Andy Brower,

a guy who had the skills to handle a situation like this.

But why do I need that?

It's a timber scout's best friend.

And why do you think they call it an axe?

Think about it.

Hey, Andy.

Whoa, Kresk. Long time no see.

Yeah.

Finally relenting, huh?