Tales from the Crypt

HELLO, PARTY ANIMALS.

ARE YOU READY TO BOP TILL YOU DROP?

DEAD, THAT IS.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

TONIGHT I'VE CHOSEN A FIENDISH LITTLE TALE

FROM MY HOLD OF MOLDY OLDIES.

WE'VE BEEN INVITED TO AN ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

OF HOLY DEADLOCK.

YOU KNOW, TO LOVE AND TO PERISH,

FOR RICHER, FOR HORROR,

IN SICKNESS AND IN STEALTH,

TILL DEATH DO US PART.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THIS IS ONE ANNIVERSARY

THE HUSBAND WILL NEVER FORGET.

THE HUSBAND WILL NEVER FORGET.

4 HOURS?

4 HOURS?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

UMM...SHOPPING,

JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU.

AND ALAN INSISTED ON BUYING ME THIS NEW COAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU SAID YOU'D BE ONE HOUR,

2 AT THE MOST.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE THIS UPSET ABOUT IT.

I'M NOT UPSET.

I'M SURE YOU HAD A LOT--

A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO.

A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO.

I'M SURE YOU WOULD'VE BEEN MUCH HAPPIER IF YOU'D COME OUT HERE ALONE.

RICHARD, NOW DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

ALAN IS YOURFRIEND.

HE WAS THE BEST MAN AT OUR WEDDING.

THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE SEEN HIM?

ONCE?

TWICE SINCE THEN?

TWICE SINCE THEN?

THINGS CHANGE, DELLA.

THINGS CHANGE, DELLA.

PEOPLE CHANGE.

RICHARD, PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS.

NOT NOW.

NOT NOW.

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

I KNOW.

I'M CELEBRATING...

ALONE.

ALONE.

Della: I'M GOING TO BED.

Della: I'M GOING TO BED.

Richard: HE SHOULDN'T BE BUYING YOU THINGS.

DON'T START, OK?

IT BELITTLES ME.

YOU BELITTLE YOURSELF.

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

HE'S RUBBING MY FACE IN HIS SUCCESS.

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

ALL I SEE IS AN OLD FRIEND WHO LOVES US

AND WANTS TO SEE US HAPPY.

OF COURSE YOU'D SEE THAT.

RICHARD, PLEASE.

THIS TRIP IS HIS ANNIVERSARY PRESENT TO US,

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO RUIN IT FOR HIM.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO RUIN IT FOR HIM.

AND YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB OF RUINING IT FOR ME.

AND YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB OF RUINING IT FOR ME.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SORRY.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SORRY.

I LOVE YOU, DELLA.

I LOVE YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH.

I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO LOSE YOU.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE ME, RICHARD.

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO LOSE ME.

NOT NOW, NOT EVER.

BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY THING I HAVE

THAT'S ANY GOOD.

COME HERE.

COME HERE, SWEETHEART.

COME HERE.

COME HERE.

I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GIVE YOU ANY KIDS.

I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GIVE YOU ANY KIDS.

IT'S ALL GOING TO WORK OUT.

YOU'LL SEE.

IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL.

IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL.

RICHARD.

RICHARD.

DON'T ANSWER IT.

IT'S PROBABLY ALAN. I TOLD HIM TO CALL.

LET IT RING, DELLA.

I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.

LET IT RING.

LET IT RING.

HELLO?

HI.

UH-HUH. YEAH.

I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE YOU.

I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE YOU.

NO, I DIDN'T TELL HIM YET.

IT WASN'T THE RIGHT TIME.

IT WASN'T THE RIGHT TIME.

Man: I ENVY YOU GUYS. I REALLY DO.

ALL THE MONEY, ALL THE SUCCESS,

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING WHEN YOU'RE ALONE.

Della: BUT YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING A GIRL COULD WANT.

LIKE WHAT? NAME 3 THINGS.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, NAME ONE.

TRY MONEY.

THAT'S TRUE, RICHARD.

I'VE BEEN VERY LUCKY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE ALWAYS REGRETTED...

NEVER TRYING HARDER

TO STEAL DELLA AWAY FROM YOU.

TO STEAL DELLA AWAY FROM YOU.

HA HA HA HA!

I'M JUST KIDDING, RICHARD. COME ON. YOU KNOW THAT.

HEY...

I BLEW MY SHOT. IF YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. RIGHT, AMIGO?

I BLEW MY SHOT. IF YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. RIGHT, AMIGO?

Della: OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

Della: OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH, I A SAW IT. I LIKED IT. IT'S A WRITE-OFF.

YEAH, I A SAW IT. I LIKED IT. IT'S A WRITE-OFF.

Driver, Spanish accent: I'LL GO AND GET THE BAGS.

OH, LOOK AT THIS.

OH, THIS IS--THIS IS WONDERFUL, ALAN.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT. I LIKE IT, TOO.

THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING.

PUT THOSE 2 IN THE MAIN BEDROOM,

AND I'LL TAKE MINE TO THE CABIN.

Did those packages I had sent from the mainland arrive?

SI, SENOR. THEY ARRIVED THIS MORNING.

GOOD.

GOOD.

THEN WE'RE ALL SET.

THEN WE'RE ALL SET.

WHAT PACKAGES?

SUPPLIES--FOOD, BOOZE, DRUGS!

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU AN ANNIVERSARY

YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.

MI CASA ES SU CASA.

SO UNPACK, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

I'M GONNA RUN THIS DOWN TO THE CABIN.

THANKS, ALAN.

THANKS, ALAN.

Della: HEH. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T REMEMBER HER.

Alan: DONNA WHO?

DONNA COSTELLO.

DONNA COSTELLO. DONNA COSTELLO...

OH, YES! THE ONE WITH THE BAZOOKAS!

MM-HMM. BUT WE HARDLY TALKED.

I THINK I WENT OUT WITH HER MAYBE ONCE

THE ENTIRE TIME WE WERE IN SCHOOL.

WELL, ACCORDING TO HER, IT WASN'T JUST ONCE,

AND YOU DID A LOT MORE THAN TALK.

HA HA HA! GIN.

WAS THIS BEFORE OR AFTER WE BROKE UP?

IT WAS AFTER.

OH, WELL, AFTER YOU MARRIED RICHARD

AND BROKE MY HEART,

I WAS CELIBATE UNTIL GRADUATION.

RICHARD, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?

RICHARD, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?

NO, THANKS.

I'M GOING OUT TO GET SOME AIR.

I'M GOING OUT TO GET SOME AIR.

Driver: YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN.

Driver: YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN.

YOU HAVE VERY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.

TO BE MARRIED THAT LONG IS HARD THING.

I KNOW. I TRIED.

3 TIMES.

NOT SO GOOD.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I WAS INTO FREE LOVE.

HEH.

HEH.

THEY WERE NOT THAT FREE.

THEY WERE NOT THAT FREE.

AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M A POOR MAN.

AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M A POOR MAN.

I'LL GO INTO TOWN NOW.

LE ENTREGO, AMIGO.

LE ENTREGO, AMIGO.

SALUD.

SALUD.

NO. NO, YOU DON'T.

NO, YOU DON'T.

Alan: HE'S ACTING STRANGE.