Pillow Talk

Brad. Brad, darling.

I love you.

I know.

I just had to call you.

I'll never forget last night.

Especially when you sang me your new song.

Our song, Eileen. I wrote it for you.

Oh, Brad.

Would you sing it to me again?

Oh, now?

Please.

All right.

You are my inspiration, Eileen

A perfect combination, Eileen

Your eyes, your hair, are beyond compare

So is it any wonder?

You captured me and now I'm under your spell

Eileen

I do hate to interrupt, but would you mind hanging up, please?

Who's that?

The other half of my party line.

Just ignore her, she'll go away.

You have been on this phone for half an hour.

I've got an important call to make...

I happen to consider this an important call.

What, singing to a girl at 9:00 in the morning?

It's none of your business what he does to me, or when.

Would you please get off this line?

I know it is early, chérie.

But I just had to talk to you.

Will I see you tonight?

Oh, I'm sorry, Yvette. I have to work.

Oh.

I have six songs to write for the new show.

But you'll have to go out and eat dinner, no?

Oh, I'll throw something together here.

Oh, no, darling, you mustn't.

You must keep up your strength.

I'll come over and cook something for you, yes?

Well, if you like.

Thank you, darling.

It's nothing.

Brad?

Mmm-hmm?

Sing me a little of our song.

Yvette.

Please.

Would you please get off this phone?

Who is that woman?

Some little eavesdropper on my party line.

She's always listening in.

It's how she brightens up her drab, empty life.

If I could get a call through once in a while, my life wouldn't be so drab.

Must you zoom up so fast?

What are you, jet-propelled or something?

Morning, Alm.

The laundryman's coming by today.

And would you please tidy up the cupboards for me?

Oh, would you call the office and tell them I'll be a little bit late?

That's a peach of a hangover she's got this morning.

I'm afraid so.

Why does she have to go out and get stoned every night?

Oh, I don't know, Harry. Maybe she's got a party line.

I hope you understand, madam,

that your phone company wants everyone to have a private phone.

We're putting in new trunk lines as fast as we can.

But with all the construction going on, it takes time.

We have hundreds of applications,

which take precedence over yours.

But there must be some way to get one.

Well, if some emergency arose.

If you were to become pregnant, for example,

why, you'd jump right to the top of our list.

Mr. Conrad, being single, I'm not quite ready for that kind of emergency.

Well, I wouldn't know what else to suggest.

Oh, but I'm at my wit's end, really.

You see, I'm an interior decorator

and I do a lot of work at home,

and so naturally there are business calls that I must make

and I cannot get a call through.

That man is always on the phone with some woman.

Have you any idea what it's like

to be on a party line with a sex maniac?

That's a very serious charge, madam.

Can you substantiate it?

Well, he sings love songs at 9:00 in the morning.

Has he used objectionable language on the phone?

No.

Or threats of any nature?

No.

Has he made immoral overtures to you?

Well. Oh, not to me.

And you're bothered by this?

Yes.

I mean, no. What do you mean, bothered?

His carrying on with all these other women disturbs you.

Mr. Conrad, please believe me, I don't care what he does,

I just want him to stop doing it on my phone.

Well, madam, we'll have one of our inspectors stop by

and have a talk with him.

Oh, thank you very much. I'd appreciate that.

If what you say about this man is true,

we may be forced to disconnect him.

Good.

Haven't you reached Jan yet?

Keep trying.

If she doesn't get here soon,

that woman is going to drive me out of my mind.

Ming dynasty in a rumpus room.

Mrs. Walters, be careful. This is priceless.

Really? What is it?

A 14th-century crematory urn.

Crematory urn?

Is anybody in it?

Not at the moment.

That's good.

Then we can drill a hole in the bottom without anyone running out.

A hole?

So we can wire it for a lamp.

Mrs. Walters, we do not wire 14th-century crematory urns.

I suppose not.

Jan.

Jan.

Hello, Jonathan.

Hi. I've got something to tell you.

Oh? I was trying to call you all morning,

but your line's been busy. Oh, naturally.

I just drove her out of the showroom. How do you like it?

It's marvelous. Like the color?

Oh, it's just beautiful. The upholstery?

It's yours.

Huh?

In grateful appreciation of the very brilliant job

you've been doing on my office.

What? Jonathan.

Jonathan, you just don't go around giving girls cars.

I do.

This your car, Mac?

No, it's hers. Oh!

Is this your car, Miss?

No, it's his.

Jonathan. Jonathan, you're very sweet and very generous,

but I cannot accept a gift like this.

Why not? But... Well, it's too...

It's too personal.

This? Yes.

If I gave you perfume, if I gave you lingerie, that would be personal.

But a car?

Come on, Mac. If it's yours, move it.

Here. Send me the perfume.

Will you be stopping by my office tomorrow?

In the afternoon.

Listen.

Are you sure you don't want the car?

Yes, I'm sure, Jonathan.

See you tomorrow.

My analyst will never believe this.

Neither will mine.

Good morning. Oh.

Mrs. Walters, I'm sorry to be so late.

That's all right, dear.

Mr. Pierot and I had a very fruitful morning. Didn't we, Mr. P?

Very fruitful.

Good.

Well, what are you doing with that?

I picked it out myself.

I thought it would go wonderfully well...

Mrs. Walters, a fertility goddess

is the last thing you need in Scarsdale.

A fertility goddess? My dear, I had no idea.

Now, don't forget, I'm expecting you both

at the housewarming tomorrow evening.

We'll be there.

Savage little thing, isn't it?

That woman has the taste of a water buffalo.

Well, then why do business with her?

Well, because she happens to be a very rich water buffalo.

But if you ever leave me alone with her again...

Where were you? I tried to reach you all morning.

Oh, lover boy got started very early today.

Oh, really, Jan, there must be some way to get a private line.

Tell them it's an emergency.

Thank you, Mr. P.

I've reported him to the phone company.

Well, it's about time.

They're sending an inspector over.

As far as I'm concerned, whatever Mr. Allen gets,

he has coming to him.

Good.

Mr. Allen, I'm from the telephone company.

Well, hello.

I...

I'm... Yes?

I'm Miss Dickenson. I'm an inspector.

What would you like to inspect?

You. I mean, we've received a complaint about you.

Well, I've never had any complaints before.

Won't you come in?

Why, thank you.

You don't have to break the sound barrier, you hot-rodder.