Our Zoo

What time is it?

He's half an hour late.

We're here now. Let's just hear him out.

He comes highly recommended.

Mr and Mrs Mottershead, sorry. Got caught up with a client.

Busy, Mr Kelly?

But you have my undivided attention now, I can assure you.

- How can I help? - We're looking for representation.

We have a planning appeal for a zoo,

scheduled in front of the Ministry of Health

and the entire village of Upton.

The court of public opinion can be tricky.

It's not about facts and figures, it's about emotion... trust.

Added to which, the council have got very deep pockets.

They'll throw experts at a case like this, groom witnesses.

Look, why don't I write down my fee on this piece of paper

and we can negotiate from there?

You don't even know the terms, how can you put a price on it?

You get a feel for these things.

Aye, for pound notes, you mean!

No doubt that'd be me on the end of that phone when you got my money.

Are you even qualified in the law, Mr Kelly?

I've got a certificate on the wall

and a waiting room full of clients to prove it.

Is there a problem here?

No, no, I just think I can make a better fist of things myself.

- Is that right? - At least I'll have the advantage of knowing what the hell I'm talking about.

- I've had enough of this! - George, hold on!

You know, there's many a fella who thinks he can argue his own case,

so here's a bit of advice for free--

a temper like his is hardly built for a courtroom.

Leave that bird alone, you'll be late.

But he's still not eating.

Maybe I should take him to school with me,

make sure he's all right.

I don't want him anywhere near Upton, June.

None of the people in that village can be trusted.

Oh, don't be so dramatic, Albert.

Well, one of them cut the nets, didn't they?

Those lovebirds are tiny. They won't last five minutes in the wild.

You kept them well fed. They've got a fighting chance.

I tell you what, why don't you

invite a friend home for tea tomorrow?

Anyone you like.

- Ladies, this is our newest girl, Muriel... - Atkinson.

Miss Atkinson, this is Gail and Harriet.

They'll make you feel right at home, I'm sure.

I'm on the third floor, so come by later if you want to have lunch.

She's a legend round here.

Frankie?

You're allowed to call her that?

So, how many words a minute are you?

Sixty... at a push.

That's... pretty good.

Harriet holds the record-- 87 words a minute.

Oh, we're not really supposed to decorate our desks.

I don't need some second-rate solicitor arguing for me.

He didn't even sound like a lawyer.

I never had you down as a snob.

Look, Tipping's here.

What are they doing?

Getting organised.

Mother, you're the Ministry.

Dad... Chester Council.

Lizzie, I need you to be Upton.

Right, I'll be me, obviously.

Now, I want us to imagine what they're likely to throw at us,

so be as hostile as you like.

Dad...

why don't you start us off?

Ask me a question, anything you like.

Right. Well...

Do you not think a zoo would detract

from the value of the property in Upton Village?

No, not at all.

Is that it?

Short and to the point.

But it'll hardly add to the value, will it?

I mean, if the house were a stately home or something that...

Oakfield was empty before.

There were no rates were being paid, so I'm doing the council a favour.

Oh, so we are to be grateful to you and your family

for causing an uproar in a once peaceful village?

Mother, the Ministry won't be saying stuff like that, will they?

They'll be listening.

Excuse me, Mr Mottershead,

I'm in charge of these proceedings, not you.

Answer the question, please.

All right.

Yes, you should be grateful for what my family is building.

This will put Upton on the map.

So it will be a magnet, attracting the worst in society?

Day trippers from the city.

Now, who are these day trippers that people keep going on about?

No, it'll be normal folk who want to experience what my zoo can offer!

Busloads of them?

We can but dream.

Do you find this amusing, Mr Mottershead,

putting these good people through such an ordeal?

Well, then, it's their fault for being narrow-minded bigots.

You can't say things like that, son.

It's true.

The kind of person who vandalises that aviary--

you think they're thinking rationally?!

They're frightened of this zoo, they're frightened of progress,

they're frightened of change!

Now, you can't put a hold on the future.

You heard what Neville Kelly said, the court of public opinion...

The people of Upton, they're never going to accept us, so forget them.

It's the Ministry we've got to convince.

Good Lord, an actual job? As in every day?

Morning.

Hello. Mew was just telling me about her adventures in the world of work.

You must be pleased.

It's her choice.

I'll see you tonight.

Don't be late, there's still plenty to do round here.

- She had to spread her wings at some point. - I know.

So, to what do we owe the pleasure, Milady?

Well, I actually came to say thank you

for talking me into going to London.

- It was good for me. - I'm glad.

Which is why I've come to offer my services for the appeal,

as a witness.

Really? In front of everybody?

Why not? It makes perfect sense.

I'm your next-door neighbour.

If I don't mind what you're doing, why should they?

You see? Why can't everybody think like you?

I should probably go.

Good morning, Lady Katherine!

Morning, Archie.

You want to watch out, they dock your pay if you're late.

It won't happen again.

Can you smell something?

Smells like...

farm.

What did Katherine want?

She's offered to speak on our behalf.

Look, it's not exactly like we've got a long list of witnesses, you know.

- She's been a good friend to us. - To us or to you?

Look, if you've got any better suggestions, then please...

Well, what about Mr Fenchwood?

Wonderful. Maybe he can tell us

how many mortgage payments we've been late for.

Well, if you could swallow your pride, there is someone.

Mr Mottershead is here.

I'm not going to beat around the bush.

I know you signed that petition.

It's a shame, because I thought you understood

what we're trying to build better than most.

I did. I do.

Then help me, please.

Be a character witness at the appeal.

He can't.

My family risks losing everything. You do you know that?

- What about us? - Polly...

No, it needs saying.

If people don't trust us, then how on earth can we do our jobs?

You're not the only ones with something to lose.

Look, darling, why don't you leave us alone for a moment?

She's right, it would be difficult for us if I spoke up in support.

It would be even more difficult, wouldn't it,

if the people knew you'd treated the bears unofficially?

Aaron Webb tried a similar tactic on me, you know.

You two are more alike than you realise.

Look, tell people what you like about me,

and if I'm called by either side, I'll answer truthfully.

But I won't play character witness for a man, any man,

who would threaten me to get his own way.

Dad's still planning on having elephants and lions, tigers too.

I'm not really supposed to say it, but...

It's all right. I won't tell anyone, promise.

So, where's Mortimer?

There he is!

Did I scare him?

I taught him hide-and-seek last week. He loves it.

Come on.

Found you!

What are you doing snooping around?! Give me them!

We were just playing hide-and-seek. Mortimer was hiding.

- < - Found him!

Go home, do you understand me? Go on!

But, Dad, Gran said I could invite her round. She's my friend.

No. We have no friends in this village, June,

only people trying to get one over on us.

I need to work now.

What are you doing here?

I've got something for you.

Mate of mine owed me money.

Paid me in pork.

It's not fit for human consumption,

but I wondered if it might be good for you?

- Thanks very much! - For the animals, I mean!

I know. Thank you, Billy.

Have you had any tea yet?

An a fortiori argument is an argument from a stronger...

Must you read at the table?

What's all that stuff anyway?

- I thought you were going to see Neville Kelly. - Well, we did.