Curb Your Enthusiasm

I love you, America! And you love me!

From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Tonight, Maria Sofia Estrada.

Maria Sofia, it is a great pleasure to have you here.

If you haven't seen Young Larry, she steals the show. Absolutely.

- You're a show stealer. - That's true. Yeah, I am.

And obviously, confidence is not an issue with you.

So why do you think you got this part?

I was the best, clearly.

So, is there a lot of improv on the show?

Yes, there's a script, but I make up most of my own lines,

put my own spin on the words, make it better.

I have a structured settlement, But I need cash now,

Call J.G. Wentworth, Eight-Double-Seven-CASH-NOW.

I have some big annuities, but I need cash now,

Call J.G. Wentworth.

Could you stop with that commercial? I don't want to hear that.

- Don't sing that in the house. - I want to stop, I can't stop.

Well, stop!

- Where's the oat milk? - Right here.

Mister I'm never going to stop drinking almond milk.

Because what did I tell you about almond milk?

Remember again? What did we say?

The water that they use in this state for these almonds

and the methophexohexadine, they're killing the bees.

I'm sorry you're unhappy, Larry, but as her sponsor,

I'm telling you, she simply cannot handle a breakup.

How long are we talking?

They say no changes for the first 90 days in the program.

But with Irma, I mean, minimum six months.

Six months?

I need you to promise me, Larry. Six months.

Promise me, Larry.

Yeah, oat milk. That's it. That's the way to go.

If you go past the pharmacy, this is for my hammer toe.

I'm not going to the golf club.

But you will go before I do, so would you get me these?

I don't care if they're black, white, extra-large.

I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now,

Call J.G. Wentworth, 877-CASH-NOW

Siri, directions to Wolfs Glen.

Directions to Great Wolf Lodge.

No! Siri, Wolfs Glen Restaurant.

One option I see, Wood's Garden Supply on Benedict Canyon.

Siri! Wolfs Glen Restaurant in Westwood.

One option I see, The Woolsey Restaurant in Burbank.

No! No, you're not listening!

I said Wolfs Glen restaurant in Westwood.

A wolfs den is a habitat that provides wolves with protection...

No, you stupid fucking idiot! It's Wolfs Glen restaurant in Westwood!

One option I see, Jay Wolf Clothing.

No! You fuck! Wolves Glen Restaurant!

Sorry, I didn't get that.

Oh my God, you fucking moron! It's Wolfs Glen, you cunt!

Bundt cake is a cake that is baked in a bundt pan.

I said, you cunt!

- Sorry, I didn't get that. - I called you a cunt.

One option I see, Carson City, Nevada.

Shut up!

- One option I see, Wool Glove. - Shut the fuck up!

- Sorry, I didn't get that. - Fuck you!

Somebody is paying you to just show up at a birthday party in Atlanta?

Yeah, rich guy. They're paying him a ton of money.

Really? Who is this guy? How does he even know who you are?

He's a wealthy businessman from Africa who loves Young Larry.

Yeah, Maria Sofia's gonna be there, too.

Well, now it makes sense. She's the draw.

By the way, Leon's going with us

'cause his Auntie Rae lives in Atlanta. Remember her?

I remember Auntie Rae. Send her my regards.

So what are you going to do, tell some jokes or something?

No, this is good. I'm glad you brought this up.

I want this in the contract, okay? I'm not gonna do any speeches.

I'm not gonna do any stand-up. I'm not gonna do any toasts.

I'll mingle, I'll shake hands and I'll be cordial.

Do you even know how to be cordial?

I think so. Do I?

- I would guess you do. - I don't think I can, but I'll try.

Are we getting any food here? This is unbelievable.

It's been half a fucking hour already.

I got soup and a sandwich. My God. Excuse me.

We've been sitting here for a half hour waiting for our food.

I'm so sorry about that. Your server, Benny, he's a little distracted.

His mother passed away a couple of days ago.

Few days ago and he comes into work?

What's he coming in for?

If he's all upset, then he should be home in mourning.

- And you can't complain, obviously. - No, you can't go to the manager.

- It's a no-win situation. - Now he gets a condolence tip.

Yeah. You got no choice.

Hey, let me ask you a question. What's going on here?

- What? - This is new.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You decided to just dye your hair?

What? You don't know that it's brown and it was gray last week?

- What are you doing that for? - l like it.

Yeah, you like it?

You sure Lady Macbeth didn't have anything to do with that?

You wish you had a wife that cared about you. You wish you had a wife.

I almost did a spit take.

Jeff, you made this choice by your own free will. Is that right? Tell him!

- Finally. There's our food. - Benny.

I heard about your mother. I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much for saying that.

- What's he doing? - This could take forever now.

I mean, you only get one mother. I'm devastated, to be honest.

Thank you.

He's talking about his mother. This is unbelievable.

And there's my soup! It's sitting there getting cold.

I ordered a tuna melt. That's fucked.

But it was the sepsis that killed her.

- I am so fucking hungry. - I'm starving, too.

Sorry.

It's just a lot to process, you know?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Did you tell Auntie Rae that you're coming,

or are you going to surprise her?

She's not good with surprises. You can't do that shit to old people.

I almost killed a uncle like that.

This motherfucker was in the tub taking a fucking bath.

He was like, 'What the fuck?"

And the motherfucker died like this.

- You can't surprise an old person. - You can't do that. Know what I mean?

I know. Why do you keep asking me if I know what you mean?

It wasn't that difficult. It's not science.

You made a very simple statement. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Look at this. Fucking you again.

- Third or fourth time today. - Jeez! Another butt dial.

- Oh, man. I'm sorry. - It puts me in a bad spot.

Puts me in the worst spot. Because I called a guy last week,

I hadn't spoken to him in 14 years,

and so I got to pretend that I was calling him.

And then the next thing you know, you're having dinner.

See, me, I carry my phone in my front pocket.

But sometimes I dick dial people by mistake.

You make a dick dial?

One time I ordered a pizza by mistake. This motherfucker shows up, I said,

"What the fuck is this?" "You ordered a pizza earlier."

Wow, my fucking dick. And sometimes I can hear my dick dialing a number.

You know what I mean? I'm like, "What the fuck are you doing?

I do know what you're saying. Do you know what I mean?

- Know what I mean? - You know what I mean?

- Do you know what I mean? - Here she is.

Oh, boy!

They call that shit DTM. Doing too much.

It's hard to watch, isn't it?

Well, look who's here. The princess has arrived.

- Cutting it kind of close, no? - The plane won't take off without me.

What is this?

This is my emotional support dog, Pechuca.

Emotional support dog? What a scam.

They shouldn't let you on the plane if you're that mentally unstable.

- It is not a scam. - This dog is overweight.

They're gonna charge you 200 dollars extra on the flight.

Dogs are like goldfish. You can over feed this motherfucker.

Can you not fat shame my dog?

You can't insult a dog. They don't know.

Yes, she does.

You need self-awareness to understand someone's shaming you.

This dog is not going to turn around and go, "What the fuck you say?"

Look, watch this. Hey, fat fuck.

You're a fat ass. You fucking fat. You a short, fat ass dog.

Look at that. See? The dog don't know.

Come on, Pechuca. I don't wanna be late.

And Pechuca, they got a meal on the flight. Don't do it.

Don't you eat nothing else.

See that? I bet he heard that part.

Yeah, you told him.

Housekeeping!

Come in.

Hey. Good morning.

There's a problem?

- What's with the eye roll? - I come back.

Wait a second. I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?

This is a typical room. There's clothes strewn about.

I see there's underwear and socks.

- I come back. - That's what people do at a hotel.

Socks, underwear on the floor. You don't care. You're not home.

I'm completely bewildered by this whole thing.

I mean, this was a typical room.

By the way, I'm very considerate of housekeeping.

You should know this. I guarantee you there'll be a tip for you in this room.

I come back.

I feel like somehow I've disappointed you.

What have I done? I'm just staying in a hotel.

Is this your first room you've ever cleaned?

This is what a hotel is. Oh my God!

Let's go, Pechuca.

I love you. Come on, Pechuca. Come on, baby.

Oh, my goodness! You made it. It's so good to see you.

Lord have mercy. Look at you.

I brought you a gift.

You know, you are as sweet in person as you are on camera.

You got one, too. Okay. Thank you, baby. Come on in.

Larry, I got to show you something. Can you tell me who that is?

Oh, boy! Look at that. Look at that handsome lad.

I had a 4.0 APA, Ass-Point-Average.

In high school, I was the valedictorian of tapping ass.

You know what, Larry? It is so good to see you.

- You look fantastic, by the way. - So do you.