Instead

This is ridiculous.

Even still, just go along with it.

Why are you making me do this?

It's not like I haven't been stood up before. Every guy has.

-Every single guy? -That's what I'm telling myself.

Well, there's being stood up and then there's being stood up at a wedding.

I was having fun. You saw me dancing.

Sure, when the DJ played songs like "Funky Cold Medina."

Then when "Truly Madly Deeply" came on, you went to the bar and tried not to sulk.

I'll admit I was a little upset,

but I'd hardly call what I was doing "sulking."

Who do you think you're talking to?

Someone who was actually dancing when that Savage Garden song played.

I can't help it if all the guys wanted me.

Hmm. And yet, you find yourself in the arms of this guy

because he can cut up a rug better than any of those boys.

Oh really?

I stand corrected.

Why didn't you bring Marcus tonight?

You guys have been hanging out for a while now.

Um, I don't know.

-That's a lie. I do know. -You do know?

Yeah. I just don't really see a future.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. Just not what I'm looking for.

And it's not like I could take him to a wedding

because that would send entirely the wrong message.

-Totally. -Yeah.

We are kind of avoiding the elephant in the room though.

Uh, what?

We don't have to go to any more weddings!

No more weddings!

No more! All of our friends are married!

All of them!

We get to save money now!

Well, except for us.

We don't get to save money? Don't say that!

-That's not what I mean. -I know what you meant.

I was being funny.

We've all warned you about doing that.

Ha-ha.

I was right, by the way. These earrings look totally great on you.

-Good choice. -Thanks.

-Don't worry. -Hm?

One of these days, we're gonna find two people

who can put up with us.

You'll find someone that can put up with you.

But me? I'll find someone I can put up with.

Oh, right. You're perfect. See, I keep forgetting.

You do!

It's offensive.

Let's just agree that at our respective weddings,

we don't use the same caterer Michael and Jeremy used tonight.

Why? You didn't like the food?

No, the food was fine,

but does everything down to the cocktails

have to have a pun in the title?

Okay, my future husband and myself will not use the caterer

if you allow to express our vows in a rap battle.

Mmm, no. This can not stand.

No. God. What awful reality show gave you that idea?

It wasn't a reali--

Okay, it was a reality show.

But it looked like they were having so much fun!

They looked like they were having fun when the cameras were on?

-You're kidding! -You're a jerk.

-It's different. -So you say.

What were you saying earlier?

Something about your, uh, third novel.

You're having a hard time figuring out the opening.

Oh. Mm. I don't think we can call it my third novel

if the other two haven't been published yet.

Are they written?

-Yes, but-- -Are they written?

Technically, yes.

Okay. Then I'll go back to what I was saying.

You're figuring out the opening to your third novel.

Not according to Truman Capote.

Oh God. What does Truman say?

He said that if it's not published, it doesn't really exist.

What have I told you about listening to dead white guys?

She says as she's about to suggest a book written by a dead white guy.

Hey! You're not wrong, but still.

All right, let's hear it.

Okay. The Well-Beloved by Thomas Hardy.

And what's this one about?

Okay. It's about this sculptor

who spends his life

trying to create the "ideal woman" in statue form.

All the while, he's pursuing and falling madly in love

with three different generations of women.

Three generations? As in, they're all related?

Mm-hmm.

-It's wild. -Okay, but...

None of them are his daughter, right?

Don't be gross.

It's a legitimate question!

If they didn't have cars back then, there definitely wasn't any condoms.

Uh, condoms have been around since the 1500s.

-You serious? -Yeah.

Okay, please don't ever tell me what they were made of.

I won't, because it would gross you out actually.

-Live in ignorance. -Blissful ignorance.

What about a more modern condom?

Could, um,

two people find one around here if they wanted to?

What if we gave it a shot?

What do you mean?

What if we give it a shot?

-Oh. You mean-- -Yeah.

-We talked about this. -I know.

I know we have.

We're friends who fuck when we don't have anybody else.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting really tired of looking for somebody

just to always end up finding you.

Aren't you?

What if we gave it a shot?

Best case scenario,

would we have to do a rap battle?

No.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!

Oh thank fuck.

Hey, Em!

I don't know.

What's it been? Eight, nine months?

Couldn't stay away, could you?

Thank God I have an hour.

Sorry. I'm early.

Yeah. Hey.

Couldn't stay away, could you?

What?

Nothing.

-Hey. -Hey.

Uh.

At least this isn't awkward.

I know, right. Can you imagine?

Um, do you want some coffee?

-Oh, yeah. Sure. -Okay. Great.

Shit. Uh, it's dark roast.

I know it's not what you like. But I wasn't expecting you this early.

That's okay. Dark roast is fine.

-Okay. -Thanks.

Shit. I don't have any cream either.

Dude, relax.

If anyone should be nervous here, it's me. Right?

That's true. A very, very good point.

Uh, okay, you stay here and be nervous, I'm gonna go be the calm one

-and punch down on the-- -Plunger.

-Plunger. Yes. Thank you. -You plunge.

-Hey! -Hey.

My mom says hi.

Hey, Cynthia.

You still with her in Nashville?

Actually, I don't know why I just asked that. You said that when you called.

Do you need any help?

No, you're good. I can handle this myself.

-Are you sure? -100%

-Just hang out. -Okay.

Thanks.

Oh. Cheers.

OK. That's got whiskey in it.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Shit. That's mine.

Hungover?

Uh, not for too much longer.

How many times do I have to tell you? That doesn't work.

Of course it works.

I mean, as a temporary solution.

And you'd know all about those, wouldn't you?

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. Stupid joke.

All your jokes are stupid.

Yeah. I know.

Seriously though, what was that supposed to mean?

I don't want to fight. You just got here and--

Who's fighting? We're not fighting.

I just wanted to know what you meant.

I didn't mean anything. I promise.

Okay.

So, what's up?

Uh, well, like I told you on the phone last week--

Wait. You're not dying, are you?

Sorry. I interrupted you. But, like, that's not w hat this is, right?

No.

Okay.

Continue.

Okay.

Yeah, so like I was saying,

I came back to LA to ship some stuff that I left behind after we broke up.

Oh, after you broke--

Sorry. Never mind.

Why do you keep doing that?

-I'm sorry. -Brandon, what is it?

It's nothing! I just--

Certain sentences aren't waiting their turn in line

in my brain or something. You're--

Well, the floor is yours. Say whatever you need to.

No, really. Please finish.

So, you're out here getting some stuff.

Guess that means Nashville's going to be more of a permanent residence.