Tales from the Crypt

OOPS!

LOOKS LIKE YOU CAUGHT THE OLD CRYPT KEEPER

CHECKING OUT ONE OF HIS GHOULY MAGAZINES.

WHICH GIVES YOU A LITTLE HINT

ABOUT TONIGHT'S DEADTIME STORY.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WAY

SOME GUYS JUST DIE OVER A PRETTY GIRL.

BUT DON'T WORRY, KIDDIES,

IF IT STARTS TO REEK A LITTLE OF ROTTEN ROMANCE,

I THINK THE TITLE OF OUR NASTY NARRATIVE

MAKES NO BONES ABOUT WHERE ITS HEART IS REALLY AT.

I CALL IT THE THING FROM THE GRAVE.

I CALL IT THE THING FROM THE GRAVE.

FUCK!

FUCK!

OH!

OH!

BRUCKNER?

BRUCKNER, WHERE IS SHE?

ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT! IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT! IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, SHE'S JUST FINE.

I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU, BIG GUY.

I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU, BIG GUY.

OH!

TELL ME SOMETHING.

IS THAT THE SHOULDER SHE USED TO CRY ON?

IS THAT THE SHOULDER SHE USED TO CRY ON?

OR WAS IT THE OTHER ONE?

OHH!

OHH!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OOH! UNH!

OOH! UNH!

HI.

OH!

I'M SORRY THERE'S NO HEADSTONE.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS WERE CARVED IN STONE.

YOU REMEMBER THE 10 COMMANDMENTS, DON'T YOU?

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE IS PART OF THE DEAL.

SHE'S NOT YOUR WIFE.

SHE WILL BE PRETTY SOON.

WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THERE?

WHAT HAPPENED TO, THOU SHALT NOT KILL?

WHAT HAPPENED TO, THOU SHALT NOT KILL?

FUCK IT.

FUCK IT.

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING

BEFORE YOU GO TO HELL,

YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT.

REMEMBER SHE'S MINE...

REMEMBER SHE'S MINE...

NOT YOURS.

NOT YOURS.

SHE'S MINE.

SHE'S MINE.

BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL!

YEAH!

GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.

UH-HUH. ONE MORE.

ALL RIGHT.

EVERYONE TAKE THEIR FIRST POSITIONS, PLEASE.

OK, GREAT.

MY GOD, THIS IS CHEESY.

I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING.

DEFINITELY A HIGH CHEESE FACTOR.

IT'S THAT GUY.

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT--

THEY LOVE HIM IN JAPAN.

OK, NOW ISN'T THIS BETTER THAN BEING

ON AUTHENTIC TROPICAL ISLAND

GETTING ALL HOT AND SWEATY?

HEH HEH. I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETIMES I LIKE GETTING ALL HOT AND SWEATY.

HEY, BOSS,

WHY DON'T I HOLD THE CAN IN MY OTHER HAND?

I MEAN LIKE, MY CHARACTER'S, YOU KNOW,

HANGING WITH THESE BABES AND STUFF,

SO I WAS JUST THINKING--

PARTY DOWN.

PARTY DOWN.

PARTY DOWN. ABSOLUTELY.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, PAL.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, PAL.

Photographer: UH, EXCUSE US.

Photographer: UH, EXCUSE US.

EXCUSE US.

EXCUSE US.

ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WELL, HE'S A REAL BRAIN SURGEON.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DEAL WITH A GUY LIKE THAT?

TELL YOU WHAT, IT BEATS WORKING FOR A LIVING.

OK, UH, MARIA.

THERE YOU GO.

GOD, SHE'S HOT, ISN'T SHE?

AND, UH, WHO MIGHT YOU BE, BY THE WAY?

UH, MITCH BRUCKNER. I'M STACEY'S MANAGER.

UH-HUH.

I'M ALSO HER FIANC￩.

STACEY, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US A LITTLE 3/4 TURN,

A LITTLE TASTE OF BUTT, YOU KNOW?

SPICE IT UP.

LOOKING GOOD.

UH, MIKE...BUTCH--

MITCH. MITCH, MITCH.

STACEY WANTS TO MAKE YOU REALLY PROUD OF HER.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT? RIGHT.

OK, AND, UH--

AND WE'RE UNDER JUST A LITTLE BIT

OF A TIME PRESSURE RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT. SO GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF

A LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE, OK?

A LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE, OK?

A-ARE YOU, UM...

A-A-ARE YOU SUGGESTING

THAT I'M MAKING STACEY NERVOUS?

NO.

BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING HER NERVOUS, YOU UNDERSTAND?

IF ANYBODY'S MAKING HER NERVOUS,

I THINK IT'S YOU

BECAUSE YOU'RE HITTING ON HER EVERY 2 SECONDS.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

I GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS NICE, LONG LENS OF YOURS,

GET IT NICE AND COVERED WITH VASELINE,

AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!

GET SOME SHOTS OF THE INSIDE

OF YOUR ASSHOLE, HOTSHOT.

OF YOUR ASSHOLE, HOTSHOT.

I LOVE THAT GUY.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S LOSE THE LIGHTS,

AND EVERYBODY TAKE 10.

AND EVERYBODY TAKE 10.

WOW! THAT DUDE IS A BUMMER.

YEAH. BOY. THANKS FOR THE INPUT.

YEAH. BOY. THANKS FOR THE INPUT.

THAT'S A SWELL BOYFRIEND YOU GOT THERE.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

NO, NO, LOOK, IT DOESN'T-- DOESN'T MATTER.

HE CAN REALLY BE SWEET SOMETIMES.

I THINK THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN GOING WELL FOR HIM LATELY.

REALLY? WITH YOU TO COME HOME TO?

REALLY? WITH YOU TO COME HOME TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

SO...

LISTEN, I KNOW THAT IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT COULD I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

HE SEEMS LIKE-- I DON'T KNOW,

LIKE HE'S A BOMB, YOU KNOW, JUST WAITING TO GO OFF.

DOES HE EVER GET ROUGH?

IF, UH--IF HE DID--

AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT HE'S GOING TO, ALL RIGHT--

BUT, UH-- BUT IF HE DID,

AND YOU NEEDED SOMEPLACE TO COME TO KIND OF COOL OUT,

THIS IS A KEY TO MY STUDIO.

AND WHAT I HAVE HERE IS I HAVE AN EXTRA BED,

I HAVE A TELEVISION SET,

AND I HAVE A REFRIGERATOR OVER THERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HI.

HI.

I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING, AM I?

I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING, AM I?

I GUESS IT WAS PRETTY FORWARD OF ME

TO GIVE YOU THAT KEY, HUH?

GUESS IT WAS KIND OF FORWARD OF ME TO USE IT.

WELL, AS LONG AS WE'RE BEING SO GODDAMN FORWARD...

WELL, AS LONG AS WE'RE BEING SO GODDAMN FORWARD...

LOOK, I HAVE SOME--

SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO GIVE TO YOU.

AN OLD BLIND LADY GAVE THIS TO ME.

SHE SAID THAT IT WAS THE MAYAN GOD OF TRUTH,

AND IF YOU MAKE A PROMISE WHILE YOU'RE HOLDING IT,

NO MATTER WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THAT PROMISE.

NO MATTER WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THAT PROMISE.

IT'S CORNY, ISN'T IT?

IT'S CORNY, ISN'T IT?

LOOK, IT'S OVER WITH HIM, OK?

I HAD SOME HARD TIMES,

AND HE WAS THERE.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY I STAYED SO LONG.

I OWE HIM.

WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE PAID UP, STACE?

COME ON. THIS ASSHOLE HAS BEEN USING YOU.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

OK, OK. WELL, IF YOU KNOW THAT,

THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM?

I'M AFRAID.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'LL DO.

LISTEN TO ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID ANYMORE.

WHATEVER HAPPENS, I'LL BE THERE.

ALL RIGHT?

I'LL PROTECT YOU.