Jimmy: The True Story of a True Idiot (Jimmy～アホみたいなホンマの話～)

Jimmy.

-Yes? -This show is all about you, Jimmy.

SANMA AKASHIYA

Thank you.

JIMMY ONISHI

I heard young people don't know you.

I was so shocked.

The other day...

-You know that girl, Nicol Fujita? -Yes.

-You met her, right? -I did.

She said to me afterwards, "I met your weird friend."

You made chaos on that Who's the Dumbest? quiz show, right?

Just like always. Right?

I thought everyone knew you.

I thought "Jimmy" was this really big, famous guy...

But the young ones don't know you. And that makes sense.

Lots of people don't know Kazushige Nagashima once played baseball.

And if more young people don't know his father, that means

there's a gap between what we know, and what society knows.

So, I don't think this series will work.

-Please. -Please?

We've already filmed it.

We've already passed the point of no return.

So, we're going to have to do this.

And we're going to have to explain to the viewers of this show

exactly what kind of guy Jimmy is. Right?

-Doing it? -I'm doing it!

That's who he is. This is "Jimmy."

-"Don't get... -...bent out of shape."

That's him. He does things like this.

If I have three peaches here,

and five peaches on this side, how many do I have?

Peach!

He excels at doing things like this.

Right?

So, they based this drama on...

...true stories about this guy, Jimmy.

And apparently they want you to do the voiceover that starts the drama.

-So, we're gonna do it right now. -Yes.

-You can do it? -Yes.

-Okay. When you get the cue, go for it. -Yes.

That lady over there... The chubby one just there...

She'll give you the cue.

-Ready, Jimmy? -Yes.

Here we go. Play the tape.

Let me tell you about my life.

Back then, I wasn't--

You stammered. From the top.

It's a voiceover. Speak clearly.

-Ready? -Yes. Bluey.

What?

That's who he is.

-Ready? -Bluey.

You're amazing.

You are amazing.

So...

You're bringing back memories.

Back in the days... I remember.

So, here we go. Play the tape for the voiceover.

Let me tell you about my life.

Back then I wasn't called "Jimmy Onishi."

I used my real name, Hideaki Onishi.

My mom enrolled me in a little league team.

Then we realized I could play a bit of baseball.

Hit it, Onishi!

So, it became the only thing I put a bit of effort into.

Onishi!

Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Gather round!

Yes, sir!

KINSHODAI SAKAI SENIOR HIGH

Run!

Let's review our hand signs. Remember them?

-You too, Onishi? -Yes, sir!

-This means, "Run." You gotta steal base. -Yes, sir.

-This means, "Hit and Run." -Yes, sir!

-Onishi, what's this? -"Bunt."

Idiot! This means, "Hit"!

And this?

-Burn yourself? -That hurts... Cut it out!

None of these have any meaning. They're just camouflage for the real sign.

Why lie?

We have to confuse the enemy to win the game.

Listen up.

Signs are-- Look at my eyes.

Signs are-- Here!

Focus.

Signs should be secret. If the enemy knows them, we lose. Okay?

-This means, "Bunt." -"Bunt."

If I put my hands on my hips, it means, "Cancel the bunt."

"Cancel the bunt."

-Got it? -Got it.

-"I understand, sir"! -Got it.

-Get in your positions! -Yes, sir!

Find your own position, idiot!

Get a double play!

Okay!

You can do it!

Go for it!

Okay, great. Next up, Onishi!

-Yes? -What are you...?

Move it. What were you doing?

And watch my signs!

Get to the plate, first.

Okay.

Idiot!

Hit the ball!

I did my best at baseball.

But the coach was a little confusing.

I managed to scrape through high school.

For some reason, I started hanging around at "Yoshimoto."

OSAKA

Back then, Yoshimoto was used as a threat.

Parents would say:

"If you don't behave, I'll send you to Yoshimoto!"

To kids, the comedy company was a bit of a scary place.

THE NANBA KAGETSU THEATER

-Well done, kid. -Great job, guys.

-Cut it out, Tarzan! -Way to go, Shoji. How witty!

-If only the producers realized my talent. -Your sense of humor is too classy.

Classy? Merci! My salary's 8,300 yen.

SHOJI MURAKAMI

You and your three-part jokes!

I'm hungry. Feed me something.

MR. OKURE

You're still alive?

-Want some? -I don't eat leftovers, idiot.

He may be poor, but he always acts rich.

-Oh, you're a fag? -I'm royalty!

Royalty! Loyalty! I'm a Pirate-y! "Give me your money!"

You're a comedy textbook. How sharp!

I get compliments, but no laughs... Yes, I do!

Hey! Sanma's back from Tokyo!

OLD LADY OCHAKO

-Mr. Okure, we're gonna eat meat tonight! -This will bring me back to life!

THE NANBA KAGETSU THEATER

-He's causing a riot! -Damn it. We're comedians, too!

You're a nobody.

Sorry girls. Step back. He'll be trapped inside.

SANMA'S MANAGER HIBIYA

Here I am!

We're not here for you. Move it, underling.

Underling? I'm Tossan the Chauffeur.

SANMA AKASHIYA

Things are lively down here!

Back then, Sanma was as popular as a pop star.

This is for you!

He was so popular, they called him: "Osaka's answer to Hiromi Go."

Unfortunately, nobody called Hiromi Go: "Tokyo's answer to Sanma Akashiya."

You Osaka fans are amazing!

It's different in Tokyo?

They're so darn stiff-necked in Tokyo.

-Where're you from? -Ashiya.

That's a nice place. What about you?

I'm from Nagasaki.

-Where in Nagasaki? -Sasebo.

My torpedo wants your Sasebo.

-Welcome back, Sanma. -You lost more hair?

-Long time, no see, Sanma! -I'm home!

I missed you!

-Sir, you're not on today. Why come here? -I need to smell the dressing rooms.

Why come back to Osaka if I can't smell this place?

But if Chief Manager Udagawa hears you're here,

he'll order us to get you onstage.

-I don't mind. -I'll take that.

-Why? -I'm your manager.

Hibi-yan. I've told you before. You don't need to.

But, sir...

At Yoshimoto, managers aren't servants. Your seniors taught you that, right?

-Yes. But, sir... -I can hold it myself!

Don't say that, sir. I'll lose my job!

You're so naive, Hibi-yan. Besides, you have plenty of work.

I know a good comedian. Make me big.

I'll do my best.

Welcome back.

-He's alive! -I'm not a zombie.

You're scarier than a zombie.

-Want a gig at a haunted house? -No way, idiot.

No motivation, as always. -Just give me the money. -I'd get in trouble...

It's a joke! You're so naive, Hibi-yan.

-I wasn't joking. -Oh my.

When will this end?

It will end over there!

It will go through here.

How far will it go?

It will go on forever.

Sanma! You came back to us.

Old Lady! Your tits are as big as ever!

-Wanna suck them? -I'll leave dessert for later.

-Okay, I'll suck them first. -Hands off!

-They're expensive! -You charge money?

For a poor guy like you, they're super luxury items.

They're diamonds on a dung-hill.

So, how was Tokyo?

I don't fit in yet. They look down on us Osakans.

They put on a pretty face in Tokyo, but they're all country folk anyway.

Yep. That's why I'm gonna keep my dialect.

That's the way. You can beat them!

But we can't fight on an empty stomach.