Friends

You said you'd marry Joey?

Okay, you have to realize, I was exhausted, I was emotional.

I would have said yes to anybody.

Like that time when you and I got married.

I'm not helping.

So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?

That is right. And traditionally, the daddy gives the mommy a present.

But I am prepared to let that go.

So when I came here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again...

...you were engaged to my best friend?

Well...

Really?

I thought Chandler was your best friend.

- Well, Chandler's my oldest friend. - Mm-hm.

- Joey's my... No! Uh-uh! - Ah.

Hey, I'm gonna take off. I just wanted to say goodbye.

Rachel said she'd marry you?

This isn't the right room. Sorry, folks.

I don't want to be negative. So I'll say most of the signs you bought are good.

No, they ran out of "It's a Girl!" But I can fix this one.

- See? Huh? - Mm.

So sexy.

- Honey? - Yeah?

- Honey, why don't you lie down? - It's okay.

Ross and Rachel will be back soon, and then I gotta go to the office.

Am I producing them?

- Why are you so tired? - I couldn't sleep last night.

I started worrying about this big divisional meeting I have today.

The more I worried, the more I couldn't sleep.

You know, and then I was, like, "If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours' sleep.

But if I fall asleep now, I'll get five hours' sleep."

No matter what I did, I couldn't fall asleep.

You know what you should've done? Told yourself that little story.

- Hi. Hey.

- Welcome home. Hi.

Phoebe did the signs.

Oh, you guys, thanks for doing this.

- Look at all that stuff people sent. Oh.

Oh! Ha, ha.

Oh, my gosh. Look, there's something every mother needs.

A giant, stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment.

What are people think...? Oh, you guys, I love it.

Hey, so, uh, where's Ross?

Uh, he's downstairs getting the stuff out of the cab.

- Uh, is he still mad at us? - Well, you more than me.

But he can't stay too mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby. Ha, ha.

That's not fair. I can't do that.

I'm not sure you should be here when he comes up.

I didn't think I should be here either. But somebody said he'd be over it.

Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.

The numbers we're seeing in Chicago, New York and London are solid.

But many of our field offices have reported disappointing yields.

Boston is down. Atlanta is down. Houston is down.

I could go on and on. But instead of boring you...

...I'll go straight to my 42-point plan.

Walter.

She's just so cute.

Oh, I just want to bite her ear off and use it as a sucking candy.

Mm-hm.

Phoebe. Ha, ha.

But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a pita pocket.

- Okay. I put most of the stuff away. - Oh, great. The pacifiers?

- Uh, it's in the, uh, cupboard. - The, uh, burping cloths?

- Uh, linen closet. - The diapers?

In the hospital.

Wow, you guys got a hospital? Fancy.

No, I, uh, left the diapers at the hospital.

There's some in the bag, but I'll run out and get some more.

All right, thanks. Oh, could you stop at the coffeehouse and get me a muffin?

- Oh, sure. What kind? - Um, let me think.

What do I want?

Please, take your time. It's an important decision, not like...

...say, I don't know, deciding to marry someone. This is about a muffin.

- Blueberry. - Blueberry it is.

Thank you.

- Wow, he's not letting this go, is he? Unh.

God, how long do you think that's gonna last?

I don't know. He got over the "We were on a break" thing quickly.

You know what, I can't worry about it right now.

- Because I've got the cutie little baby. Hmm.

Oh. I can't believe how much I love her. I mean, I can't get enough of her.

Like, right now? I miss her. I actually miss her.

You know, that's her?

Oh, God, look at her sleeping. Oh, I love her so much.

- I think I'm gonna wake her up. Ha, ha. - Oh, Rach, no.

You know, you're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby.

Well, I can do whatever I want. I made her.

Come on, little girl. Oh, yes. Hello, Emma. Hello. Hi.

Well, I would say I told you so, but she's kind of doing that for me.

I'm sorry. Oh, Mommy's so sorry. Go back to sleep. Shh, shh, shh.

Go back to sleep.

- Oh, it breaks your heart, doesn't it? - Oh, it really does.

How long do you think we have to stay?

Okay, if everyone's on board, it's settled.

Chandler?

- Chandler? - Yeah.

McKENNA: Are you on board?

Yes.

Well, then problem solved. Chandler will run our office in Tulsa.

You're gonna love Oklahoma.

All right. We already tried feeding her, changing her, burping her...

Oh, try this one. "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."

- All right, here's something. What?

It says to try holding the baby close to your body...

...and then swing her rapidly from side to side.

Okay.

It worked!

[RACHEL EXCLAIMS THEN EMMA GAGS]

Oh. No. Just stopped to throw up a little bit.

Oh.

Oh. Mon, what am I gonna do?

It's been hours, and it won't stop crying.

- She, Rach. Not it. She. - Yeah. I'm not so sure.

- Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. - Yeah, no kidding.

All right, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!

Hey, Gunther. Can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go?

- Diapers, huh? - Yep.

So I guess Rachel had your baby?

- Yep. Can you believe it? - Nope.

I can't even believe she slept with you in the first place.

Huh?

Oh. Oh. You, ha, ha, mean, like, uh...

Huh?

Hey.

I know you're pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.

Uh, actually, uh, we don't.

Fine. Okay. But I gotta say, technically, I didn't even do anything wrong.

What? You didn't do anything wrong?

- I said I didn't technically. Okay.

Let's put aside the fact that you "accidentally"...

...picked up my grandmother's ring and you "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.

Can I just stop you there for a second?

When people do this:

I don't really know what that means.

You were saying?

And I could even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel.

But why couldn't you tell me, huh? You had all day to, and you didn't.

I know. I should've. "I'm sorry."

Not using it right, Joe.

Oh. "I'm sorry."

- I'm gonna go. - No, come on.

- Ross, we have to get past this. - Give me the bag.

No, I don't know what else to do. I said I'm sorry, now...

Now you should scream at me or curse me or hit me.

- I'm not gonna hit you. - You'll feel better. I'll feel better.

You know you want to, I can see it in your eyes.

- No, I don't. - A little bit.

- No. - Little bit.

- No. - A little bit more.

- Give me the bag. Give me the bag. - No, hit me. Hit me.

- Give me the bag. I'm not kidding. - Hit me.

- No. - Hit me. Hit me. Hit me!

- You ducked! - I'm sorry! It was a reflex!

- Oh, my God! This really hurts! - I couldn't help it.

When a fist comes at your face, you duck. Look.

What is the matter with you?

You were supposed to duck! Why didn't you?

Let's talk on the way to the hospital.

Good. Yeah, maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes.

Oops!

- Try feeding her again. - I already fed her.

I know. That's why I said, "Again!"

You guys, we can't turn on each other, okay?

That's just what she wants.

- Hi. - Hey.

Monica, can I talk to you outside?

Just stay here. I'm gonna check her diaper. Pheebs, you wanna come?

Oh, I'm kind of part of this.

Actually, it's a husband-and-wife kind of thing.

I knew I should've married Chandler.

Okay, what's up? - Okay. Um, ahem.

You know we said it would be fun to move to Paris for a year?

And you could study French cooking, and I could write...

...and we could picnic along the Seine, and go wine-tasting in Bordeaux.

- Oh, yeah. - Okay.

You know how people say that Tulsa...

...is the Paris of Oklahoma?

What? Who says that?

People who have never been to Paris?

- Well, what's going on? - We're moving to Tulsa.

Oh.

- Excuse me? - Okay.

Ms. McKenna, she kind of, uh, works above my boss...