Friends

Janice has a question. Who of the six of you...

...has slept with who of the six of you?

Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.

I'm sorry, the answer there would be none of us.

Over the years, none of you ever got drunk and stupid?

Well, that's really a different question.

I can't believe a group of people who spends this much time together...

...has never bumped uglies.

There was that one time Monica and Rachel got together.

What?

Excuse me, there was no time.

Okay, but let's say there was.

How might that go?

Okay, okay.

Well, then answer me this:

Have any of you ever almost?

- Anybody need more coffee? - Hey, there's a dog out there!

- Ugh. That is so unfortunate. - What?

Cute Naked Guy's starting to put on weight.

I'll be back in just a minute.

I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.

You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.

Oh! Then it must have been you. Bye.

Bye-bye.

- That's why I moved out. Hey, while we're on that...

...when are you gonna tell my sister you don't live here anymore?

On some level, she already knows.

She doesn't know you sneak out every night...

...and back every morning...

...and that you've been at your grandmother's for a week.

Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.

- Hey. Hey.

I'm never gonna find a roommate. Ever.

Nobody good?

There was the guy with the ferrets.

That's plural.

The spitter. Oh! And the guy who enjoyed my name so much...

...he made a noise every time he said it.

"Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing. Bing!"

"Great apartment, Chandler Bing. Bing!"

- How many more tomorrow? - Two.

This photographer who seemed really dull...

...and this actor guy who I'm not sure about.

When I answered the phone, "Chandler Bing"...

...he said, "Whoa! Short message!"

Ross...

Foot on the floor or come over no more.

Your dresser is missing, but this she notices.

- What? - I have to go. Heh.

Carol should be home by now, so...

- How's it going with you guys? - Better, actually.

I finally figured out why we're having so much trouble.

- Oh, really? - Yeah. You know how I have you guys?

She doesn't have any close friends that are just hers.

But last week, she met this woman at the gym, Susan something.

And they really hit it off, and I think it's gonna make a difference.

So, uh, Eric...

...what kind of photography do you do?

Oh, mostly fashion.

There may be models here sometimes. I hope that's cool.

Yes, that is cool.

Uh, because I have models here, you know...

...never.

Ooh! During the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house...

...which you're welcome to use.

Although I should tell you, she's a porn star.

Well, I still have one more person to meet.

But unless it turns out to be your sister...

...ahem, I think your chances are pretty good.

All right.

Bedroom, bathroom, living room.

This here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by. Bye-bye.

Don't you, uh, wanna ask me any questions?

Sure. Uh... Hmm...

What's up?

Well, I'm an actor.

I'm fairly neat.

I got my own TV.

Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally okay with the gay thing.

Ha, ha. What gay thing?

Uh, just, you know, in general. The whole people-being-gay thing.

Totally cool with that.

Okay, Jerry. Thanks for stopping by.

- Hi. - Hey.

Oh, my God!

Hey, Mon.

- Wanna hear something that sucks? - Do I ever!

- Chris says they're closing the bar. - No way!

They're turning it into a coffee place.

Just coffee?

- Where are we gonna hang out? - You got me.

- Can I get a beer? - Did you pick a roommate?

- You bet. - Is it the Italian guy?

Hmm, yeah, right.

He's so cute.

That's what I want. A roommate I can walk around with...

...and be referred to as "the funny one."

Table's free. Rack them up. Back in a minute.

Get ready for me to whip your butt.

Okay, but after that we're shooting some pool.

Oh, ahem, no, no, no. Excuse me? Hello? Hi.

My friend ordered an onion...

...not an olive.

And I ordered a rum and Diet Coke...

...which I don't think this is.

- I am so sorry. That's all right.

How hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?

Well...

I would like to propose a toast...

...to the woman who, in one year from today, will become...

...Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.

I think it's time to see the ring again.

Ugh! Isn't it exciting? I mean, it's like having a boyfriend for life! Heh!

Ahem. Yeah, I know.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

Well, maybe it's just the idea...

...of Barry for the rest of my life.

I don't know, I think I...

I feel like having one last fling...

...just to sort of get it out of my system.

- Rachel, stop! - You're so bad! Ha!

I'm serious. I really think I need to just have...

...some meaningless sex, you know?

With the next guy I see.

Excuse me, I seem to have dropped my ball.

Yeah, so?

And now I've picked it up again.

My God! I went to high school with her.

Rachel!

Hi.

Monica!

Look! Hi! What do you think?

Oh, my God!

You can't even see where the Titanic hit it.

Yes, his name is Barry. He's a doctor, thank you very much.

Aw, just like you always wanted. Congratulations.

Thank you. So how about you? Are you seeing anybody?

Not right now.

Oh, well, that's okay.

I know.

So I think I'll get back to my friend.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

Can we have lunch the next time I'm in the city?

That'd be great.

- Okay. Bye. - Thanks. Bye.

Ten bucks says I never see that woman again in my life.

No, honey, really. It's fine.

Just go with Susan.

Really, I think...

I think girls' night out is a great idea.

Okay. Okay. Bye.

- What are they doing? - I don't know. Something girly.

Hey, you're early.

What are you doing with the lamp?

Just taking it to get rewired.

Don't take it where you took the stereo. They've had that over a week.

No, no. Mr. Heckles, no one is making any noise up here.

You're disturbing my oboe practice.

- You don't play the oboe. - I could play the oboe.

Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down.

Who are you?

- I'm Eric, Chandler's new roommate. - I'm Chandler's new roommate.

- I don't think so. - I could be Chandler's new roommate.

- But he told me over the phone... - He told me in person.

That's weird.

I'm going to, uh, go into my new apartment now.

Huh?

Hi again.

Hey.

Thank you so much.

Don't thank me. Thank the jerk that never showed up.

Okay, I gotta get to work.

- You want some help? - No, thanks. I got it.

- No, I don't! - Whoa! Ha, ha.

- You okay? - Yeah. Phew!

I stood up too fast. Got a little head rush.

It's the heat.

And the humidity.

That's...