Krapopolis

- Vases. Morning vases.

Be the first to see the drawings of stuff

That just happened, or didn't.

News, gossip, propaganda.

Up to you.

It's on the vases.

Tyrannis declared sexiest king alive.

Are you serious?

That's the same stick figure you're always selling.

Nice try, kid.

- Cheap king avoids vase purchase.

I can have you killed.

Tyrant threatens media.

Hey, buddy, check it out.

You're the world's greatest grandpa.

- Really? People know that?

- Just got declared sexiest king.

- Weird to be bragging about that to your sister.

- All right, yeah. What's so urgent?

You pulled me out of a cape fitting.

Remember when you said,

"this looks like a good spot to put a city"?

And I said, "probably not, because it's a day's walk

From a cannibal horde."

- And I said, "everywhere is a day's walk

"from a cannibal horde.

That's why cities are going to be huge."

What's the problem?

Open up.

Ew.

- From our neighbor, the killassians.

- Well, if they're truly cannibals,

Maybe a flaming human head is their version

Of a fruit basket.

Hey, that head is your ass!

Rise above it.

Teachable moment.

Teachable moment?

Then let me teach these farmers how to fight.

- Right, so then we're fighting instead of farming.

And guess what's left to eat?

That's how big cannibalism wins.

Look, I know I'm the little brother,

But you've got to trust me.

Civilization is the future.

Savagery is the past.

And that past is behind us.

- Goddess on a monster coming in hot.

- The past is behind me, isn't it?

- Yep. - Mom. Dad.

Why are you here? And why can't you stay?

- We heard you were starting one of those newfangled cities

From something we were eating and-or having sex with.

- I certainly hope you don't expect me to stay in this dump

For more than a day. - Hi.

My family worships you. - A week tops.

Your family's good taste shall be rewarded.

- We love what you've done with spring.

That is demeter.

Snake.

Now, if anyone needs me, deliria,

I'll be in your awkward-looking palace.

- You still can't die, right, mom?

Of course I can't die.

I'm a goddess.

What kind of idiot are you?

Just one with a dream.

- The killassians are testing us for weakness.

We got to go to war with them.

- If we go to war with anyone, you know

You'll be the only one left standing.

- That'll technically mean we won.

I've done it.

I made an explosion on purpose, kind of.

It only took three kinds of powder and two assistants.

Can we use it as a weapon?

What do you call it?

- I should probably name it after bob here.

Actually, tom contributed a lot.

I'll call it the bomb.

- Hippocampus, didn't I ask you to invent a written language?

written language.

Bro, I love you, but I didn't become a scientist

To make normal people smarter.

I did it to make them terrified of my god-like power.

Uppies, please.

So there you go, ty.

Now we can go to war with whoever we want.

We have the baah-aaahm.

Just say "bomb."

You sound like a caveperson.

- We're not going to defeat barbarians by blowing up

Women and children.

How's that going to make me look on a vase?

Tough on barbarism?

Alive?

- How did this family get so cynical?

- Prepare to disappoint the goddess deliria.

Why is there a slab of wood here?

It's a door.

Turn the knob.

- There was no wood slab here yesterday.

Turn the knob.

I don't know what a knob is.

Mom, reach down.

- Must mortals fill every empty space with crap made of wood?

- It's called civilization, mother.

Oh, yeah, catchy name.

That'll stick.

How'd everyone sleep?

I'll go first.

With your mother, and erotically.

What are we eating? Don't care.

I love it.

- Tyrannis, where are your slaves building my temple?

They're citizens, not slaves.

We're doing more of a modern thing,

Which doesn't really include temples.

Will you look at the length of these shadows?

I may or may not be late for a meeting.

Please invent a way to tell time.

- For all you know, I'm ahead of schedule on that.

- You're supposed to make people worship me, boy.

I didn't create you for the fun of it.

Well, I did.

But I admit, I had the fun part.

- All the other modern cities have temples,

Most of them to athena, the sweaty bitch.

- I hear that athena gets all those temples

Because she has a secret.

She does?

Well, not that I care, but what is it?

- They say she has the slightest

Amount of human appeal.

Ah!

- Don't be upset with him, love.

He lashes out when cornered.

He gets that from his part scorpion, part lion,

Part eagle, part horse side.

Nobody upsets me.

Least of all by comparing me to athena,

Because I'm not a farty, fart face hack.

Random animal exit.

Oh, damn it.

Random land animal exit.

- How is she hot even as an ostrich?

- Hey, I just wanted to tell you, I think your bomb

Was awesome-- beyond awesome.

Words don't even describe it.

It's just like the bomb.

Yeah.

Well, that and three sandals will

Buy me a cup of goat milk.

Guess I'll just start working on a written language.

This is so boring.

I hate it.

Upside-down boobs.

Is that something?

Hey, watch the science.

- How did we end up working for our little brother?

What's he even good at?

- From what I've seen, he tells powerless people

They're powerful.

And they like that, so they give him all their power.

- He doesn't know what he's doing, though.

The killassians are dangerous, violent barbarians

That need to die, explodingly.

- But if we go behind his back we'll lose our jobs.

- If it's behind his back he won't know.

That's a good point.

Maybe you're more than just strong?

What?

Take that back. - No need.

You just proved it.

Calm down, everybody.

You're acting like it's the first flaming

Human head that's been put on a stick out there

When the truth is, it's the third.

Sounds like a lot of you didn't know that.

I see a hand raised.

- I thought cities were supposed

To be safer than wilderness.

I've lived in the wilderness.

There were no flaming heads there.

- Guys, forget them I'm, and let's get real.

Can someone tell the throne-maker

I like to get real?

He'll know what I mean.

You know why scary guys act scary?

They're lazy.

If you run away, less work for them.

To scare them back, we have to be even lazier.

huh?

- That's the point of civilization,

Refusing to move, planting your food next to your bed,

Eating it when you feel like it,

And pooping it right where you buried your parents.

oh.

- You want to make these barbarians go away?

Become hard work.