Dead Again

- I know, I haven't got a script, is this my camera?

Okay, okay.

Hello, Kathy Perkin reporting live,

now we're having technical problems here, please stand by.

Hello, we seem to have lost picture,

Dennis is pic, Dennis is picture up yet?

Okay, no picture, no picture, okay.

Okay, yes I can see it.

Okay, yes I can see it.

Still no picture, still no picture?

Okay.

Hello, this is Kathy Perkin

with Channel 13's special news report.

We're having some technical problems

and some of you may only be receiving audio.

I will continue.

We have reports coming in from all around the world

that we are under attack.

I repeat, we are under attack.

Please get to cover, get to a safe place,

please, I repeat, we are under attack.

- It's just an incredible situation.

There's never been anything like this.

- All over the world, we're seeing the devastating impact.

- I want as few lives lost as possible.

- Inside and keep it right here for the very latest.

But this country is not alone.

- Prague invoking war,

ordering people to stay home for at least 15 days

except for essential activities such as grocery shopping

or outdoor exercise.

There'll be death.

- This is about borders,

Germany brought in fresh controls

this morning, dividing the continent.

- It's now going to turn towards the fight

against this epidemic.

- They hit you like you got hit by a club.

- You're gonna need a bigger boat.

What?

You know?

What?

- Come on you must know.

- I mean, I can just see a shark mask.

Highest grossing film in 1975?

I was born in the 90s.

- Hang on, this might help you get it.

I don't know what that is.

- It's "Jaws", everyone on the planet knows "Jaws".

- I don't really know what you're doing,

is it an initiation thing?

You know, first day on the job and stuff?

- No, it's 'cause you've got the same name

as Roy Scheider character.

Master cinema survivor?

Only one to survive the shark attacks,

he blew it to smithereens.

Oh, did he, okay.

- Oh come on, your name's Brody, same as Scheider's.

Oh I can see you're gonna be a barrel of laughs, ain't ya?

Well come on, what did you do

to get lumbered in a place like this?

- No nothing, I mean there was a small incident.

Tell ya what, don't worry.

Grab ya coat, I'll give you the guided tour

of Little Pitchfield.

By the way son, what is your first name?

Oh, do you really wanna know?

- Well yeah, I wouldn't have asked otherwise.

Around here, we're all on first name terms.

It's Bruce.

(laughing) Bruce?

What?

- Name of the shark in the film, it was Bruce (laughing).

Was it really?

I thought I was named after my uncle.

Police Sergeant Cooper?

Police Sergeant Cooper.

Starsky.

What?

My first name, Starsky.

Starsky?

- Yeah, apparently I was conceived

during the very first episode.

Good old Mum and Dad, God rest their souls.

They loved that show.

Oh what show?

- Only the greatest cop show ever seen on TV.

I don't know it.

"Starsky and Hutch"?

First aired in 1975.

- I was born in the 90s, remember?

Sorry.

It was awesome.

I mean, they had girls, guns, oh cars!

What more could you want from a show?

I mean they had this Ford Grand Torino painted red

and it had this fantastic white stripe down the side of it.

It was awesome.

- Well I'll have to look it up then, Starsky.

No, Starsky.

Yeah?

- You fell for the oldest trick in the book,

the old fake name joke.

It's not Starsky, it's Shaun.

Oh you are gonna be a barrel of laughs aren't you?

We're gonna wind you up rotten.

Come on, son.

- This place must have been beautiful in its heyday.

- I think it was an old hospital for the criminally insane.

- You'd have fitted in perfectly then.

You think?

- Yes, you're a rogue, a cad, a bandit.

- English lit is your thing then.

Anyway, I thought women love a rogue.

Not if the man's a prick.

I just wish we could explore this place.

Come on then.

We shouldn't.

Why not?

- Someone could be in there and then what?

- There's nobody around, the place is abandoned.

People 'round here are backwards.

Come on, it's like going back in time.

And they never locked the doors.

- All right but I'm not having sex with you,

if that's your caddish plan.

Come on.

Definitely not like London.

Phone booths work.

- There she is, in all her glory, the church.

Even the vicar only had one follower

and that was his cleaner.

Come on Bruce, let's go

and see if we can drum up a generation gap.

Are you always this comical?

I thought that on this job you have to be,

you have to be vigilant all the time.

Vigilant?

You'll soon find out nothing happens 'round here.

- Well, my training taught me to be prepared

for anything and everything at any time,

day or night, on duty or off.

- Well, I tell you something they aint prepared you for.

What's that?

Boredom, sheer boredom.

Nothing happens 'round here.

It's like a morgue in a recession.

- Well, then maybe we need to go out

and find crime, you know,

I mean it happens it everywhere.

They say it's just hidden behind closed doors.

- I used to be just like you when I first started, keen.

And how long ago was that?

If you don't mind me asking.

25 years.

Actually, I've been in Little Pitchfield

for 24 and half now and this is it.

Rush hour.

I know everybody 'round here,

all their ins and their outs

and all their dirty laundry

and believe me, Mrs. Broomfield at the vicarage

she's got some very dirty underwear.

Right, okay, yeah.

A bit sexist that, isn't it?

Sexist?

No.

That's why you're P.C. Brody,

stop being so PC, Bruce.

- Well government guidelines suggest

that we should actually investigate

all hate crime initiators, so.

It's like living in the past.

No one cares about political connectiveness.

They just go about their lives as normal.

Same old boring thing day after day after day.

There's must be some crime.

Otherwise that would mean Little Pitchfield

is literally a crime free location.

Let me tell you something.

Little Pitchfield has been off every crime report

and statistic in the last 17 years.

No, no really, really.

I read about it somewhere.

Something about us making the good cops look bad.

So they just leave us off now.

Hang on.

Brody, wait!