The Letdown

You going?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Won't be a sec.

Just so you know, these spots are reserved for parents.

Yeah. I have a baby. With prams.

Parents with prams.

See the sign with the little wheels?

That's a pram.

No, that... that's the universal symbol for parents.

No, the pram is the symbol for a pram.

I do have a pram in there somewhere.

Yes, but you're not using it. You're using a carrier.

You don't have a pram, so you can't park here.

OK. What about disabled parking?

You don't have to have a wheelchair to be disabled, do you?

You can be very disabled and not have a wheelchair.

My mother had her knees done, didn't even have crutches.

Got one of those stickers, held on to it for months.

Just move your car, please!

Yep.

- Actually, I'm not going now. - What?

Yeah. I think I need to go to the chemist.

Oh, get fudged!

Just swear!

The word's 'fuck'!

Sorry. Sorry, darling.

But she was... an arsehole.

"Frankenstein" 2x01 Nov 01, 2017

Jesus.

Ow.

Oh, God.

Stupid!

Come on.

Oh, you piece of shit!

Not you, darling. Sorry.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Oh.

OK.

Ooh! Ooh, goodness. Ooh!

Oh, this pram, I swear.

Oh... ooh, it looks like

it's missing the safety clip on the brake there.

What? I don't think so.

Yeah, I heard these Indonesian copies...

- No, this is Danish. - Oh...

S... sorry. My mistake.

Oh, good.

Hey, darling. You're OK.

- Let's go. - Yes, let's go to the...

Whoopsies.

Ow.

Tizzie, Save Our Sleep. It's great.

Saved our sex life, saved our marriage.

I cannot recommend it enough, this one.

Uh, Ester?

Well, Ruben wanted me to bring in his favourite, Baby Love,

but I also brought in my favourite, The Woman's Working Handbook,

which is great

'cause, you know, it really helped us work out our routine.

I let Ruben think that it's his routine.

And what about our new mum, Georgia?

Did you have a chance to bring a book?

Yeah, I did. So I co-slept with my parents for... ages, really,

but this is my co-sleeping manual.

Ooh, did you know 93% of parents co-sleep in Asia?

Yes. Thanks, Georgia.

But let's not pretend there are no risks, like smothering.

- Martha? - Yes, um...

I love this.

It's all about the brain,

and it shows the different stages of development.

Hmm. How about that?

Sophie?

Um...

Why don't you just pick your favourite?

They're all great, but my favourite's actually an app.

- Is that alright? - Yes.

Um... Track My Baby keeps track of everything

and helps me to organise all of Ziggy's key moments

so I can easily share them.

Plus it has the most amazing baby photo filters.

I cannot take a bad photo.

- Take one of us. - Alright.

- Show me. - No, that's a bad example.

- Yeah. No, don't post that. - I'm not going to.

- God, that'd ruin your perfect feed. - Yeah, I know.

Audrey? What's your book?

Did you read the email?

Subject "Book club, favourite books"?

Yes, I read that bit.

Did you read the body of the email?

May not have read the body of it.

Right.

Um... but it's not entirely off topic.

It's a cautionary tale about creating a monster,

so... I actually marked a bit for us.

Um... Yeah, listen to this.

"By the dim and yellow light of the moon,

"I beheld the wretch, the miserable monster whom I had created."

It's funny.

It's beautiful prose.

I'm sorry. I'm very tired.

I've been doing a lot of night driving.

Stevie seems to think we live in the northern hemisphere.

But I highly recommend this

to anyone who wants to read something other than the parenting...

Any other babies with day/night confusion?

- Nup. - No.

- No. - Really?

- No. - Nuh.

Oh.

And what does Mary Shelley have to say about sleeping patterns?

Uh... very little.

Yeah, the monster doesn't really sleep in the book, just like mine.

These are really good with sleep.

You're welcome to borrow any of them.

Yeah, reference books just kind of take me back to exams

and my year 12 addiction to Sudafed and instant coffee.

I prefer fiction.

Well, you might wanna try something other than 19th Gothic

if you wanna break the driving habit.

Uh, Sophie, lend her one of your sleep books, will you?

Look, it's fine.

They're a bit self-helpy.

Thanks, but I don't need the books.

Can I help you with anything?

Uh... anything you can recommend?

Depends on your style. What are you?

Attachment?

No.

Hmm... crummy mummy? It's very hot right now.

Free range, helicopter, smum?

What... Smum? What...?

Smart middle-class uninvolved mum.

Well, I'm smart... ish.

- Who comes up with this stuff? - Mmm. Tiger mum's there.

Uh... French stuff is there.

Ooh, that sounds like me.

- But I think they smack. - Do they?

- Mmm. - No.

Oh, what is it specifically you're looking for?

Uh... sleep. Anything to do with sleep or routine.

Whoa. Got any crib notes for that?

You mean cheat sheets?

Well... perfectly acceptable form of exam prep in my day, but, um...

Hang on. I might have something. Hang on.

Oh, great.

Audrey!

- Hi! - Hi!

You getting some non-fiction after all?

- No. - No?

No. Just getting a bit of, um... the...

- Gay and lesbian erotica? - Yes.

- Oh. - I love it.

- Oh! - You... what are you...?

I'm looking for Georgia's book. I don't... I don't have that one.

- Right. - Yeah.

Here it is.

Uh... no. I don't think...

That's not...

Go away.

- Audrey... - Yep?

- I think that was for you, wasn't it? - No, no.

Borrow my books. Don't waste your money. They're in my car.

- No, you'll need them. - No, I won't.

- Well, you might. - He's sleeping through.

- Really? - Yeah.

Oh, you mean like 11:00 to 5:00 or something?

- No, no, - like 7:00 to 7:00 every night.

- Oh, wow. Is he? - Yeah, I know. Amazing.

Well, she's the same, just the other way round.

Um... well...

Sure. Yeah. May as well give it a go.

Great. Thank you.

Ooh. Did you want to get your erotica?

- No, I've got heaps. That's... - Oh, OK.

..fine. Thanks.

"Divide your day into five-minute intervals."

- Five-minute what? - Oh, nothing. Hi.

Hey, um... there's no chance that our pram is a knock-off, is there?

Um...

- No. - Well, it's got a missing part.

We'll need to get it fixed.

Really? That's bad. I'll, um... I'll sort it, OK?

Great. Oh, can you get some instant coffee on your home?

I fancy one.

Yep.

Excellent. OK, love you. Bye.

Alright, bye.

Fuck.

"Do not buy from this guy."

"Everything he sells is fake."

Guspop3, you piece of shit!

Sorry.

Hi. Why are you sitting in the dark?

Huh?

And why is there foil on the nursery window?

It looks a bit like a crack den.

- It blocks out the light. - Where'd you get that from?

Sophie from mother's group.

Oh, what? She's not supposed to be up!