Asterix & Obelix Take on Caesar (Astérix & Obélix contre César)

Caesar! Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!

Soldiers, the oracles have spoken.

With the new moon, we shall invade the island of Great Britain.

Caesar! Caesar!

Soldiers, the eyes of the world are fixed on you.

You are the glory of Rome!

Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!

This whole country,

even the smallest village, pays taxes to Caesar.

Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!

- You promised to tell him. - What?

About the small Gaulish village that's still resisting us.

What does he care? He has other worries.

Is that so? I'll tell him.

And I'll tell him you sell army rations

to build yourself a palace in Rome.

- It's not true! - But I have proof!

- Really? - Well?

You're even viler than me, Detritus!

You flatter me!

My speech makes you laugh, Detritus?

No, of course not Caesar.

It's Trolleybus. He told me a Belgian joke.

Which one?

Come here.

I'm here.

Look at me.

In the eyes.

You're hiding, something from me.

Me, hide something from you? Caesar...

I swear by Trolleybus...

And you know how I value his friendship.

Throw him to the lions if I'm lying!

Soldiers!

Why can't we beat those Gauls?

What's special about this village?

From what I hear, it's an ordinary little village.

Like hundreds of others across Gaul.

Hey guard! Open the gate. It's my cousin and his oxen.

Hi cousin! How's are you?

Come closer! Take a good look!

Just look at my fish! Smell how fresh it is.

Just a minute!

I'm coming.

Look! Isn't it magnificent?

Bear in mind he's put on weight lately.

Don't worry, I've reinforced it.

Are you going to test it? Go on, then!

Yes!

Up!

- Well? - Long live Vercingétorix!

I would have liked to be an artist...

Shut up, Bard!

Your fish stinks! Keep it.

My fish stinks? Come and smell it!

- It stinks! - It stinks?

Come and smell it!

Isn't it fresh? Doesn't it smell of the sea?

- It's not fresh. - Yes, it is.

- It's not. - It is.

- It's not fresh. - It is.

- It's not fresh! - Yes, it is!

- It's not fresh! - Yes it is fresh!

- It's not fresh! - It is fresh!

It's not.

- Geriatrix! - A fight! I'm coming.

Geriatrix! You're no longer 80, my love.

Leave me alone.

Fresh or not... it's all gone!

Think I'm a butterfly, Unhygienix?

Sorry, Getafix. Wrong target.

- The eye! - It's not fresh?

I keep telling you!

A great danger threatens the village!

It's written in it's eye.

Look! It's a sign. Someone wishes us ”I.

An evil spirit! It's close, I can feel it's presence.

May the gods help us!

Open the gates.

Tell me everything, Caius Bonus.

They have a secret weapon, a magic potion.

Magic potion? Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't dare, Governor.

Their druid prepares it. It makes them invincible.

Invincible?

He inherited the secret from his ancestors.

By Jupiter!

If someone got hold of this secret, he would become master of the world.

That's why I didn't tell anyone.

Imagine if the other villages...

You did right. Master of the the world!

How long does its effect last?

About 10 minutes.

Then they have to ask the druid for more.

We must cut them off from their supply.

Take all the men you need.

I would, but there's a hitch.

- A huge one! - A colossal Gaul.

He needs no resupplying.

He fell into the potion as a kid.

Set him a trap.

My engineer Hypothenús will build it.

It won't be easy. He has a very clever friend.

Don't worry. Hypothenús is a real genius.

It's going to rain. The sky's coming down.

Any lower and it'll touch the tip of your menhir.

You believe that?

Yes and then the sky may fall on our heads.

Don't say that! It's my only fear.

Still, it won't have far to fall.

- Stop it! - I was just kidding.

- Not funny. - Relax, I was just kidding.

You never know. I'd rather not take risks.

Go, we go.

R.I.P. Astérix and Obélix.

Do I add "ha, ha"? Lions love intellectuals.

They're more tender than centurions.

If the Romans could see you!

I haven't seen any for 15 days. Not an ambush, nothing.

You're too rough. You humiliate them.

- I do? - Think.

They conquered the world, everyone fears them.

And some fat guy beats them up!

What fat guy?

Who do you mean?

I meant a great athlete called Obélix.

I see.

They're coming.

Why must we rest? I'm not tired.

- It's a tombstone. - Are we dead?

We'd better run.

The sky's falling on our heads!

Finally! Squashed like cockroaches.

I've waited six months! Six months of humiliations and beatings!

Not a bad idea, hey?

I'll triple your pay!

Lucky the fat guy was here.

Eat your entrails, indomitable Gauls!

No! This can't be.

Impossible! By Pluto, this is a nightmare!

Come on!

- Give me a hand. - Just a second.

Lucky I filled my flask with magic potion.

- Give me some. - No.

You fell into it as a kid.

It's good.

Do something. Soldiers, on the rock!

Caius Bonus! It's my pal Caius Bonus.

What, you don't want to play with your pals?

Silly-billy! What would you do without us?

- What a lovely voice. - True, he sings very well.

Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie...

It's not my fault. I had orders.

Haven't we had fun together?

All those greast biffs!

Yes, but he hits too hard. My men can't take it any more.

He'll go easy.

I'll try my best.

Listen, tell your men to prepare for a good stoush next week.

Yes, yes, yes!

So what did Caius Bonus, a cowardly but inventive man,

come up with?

He threw a mountain at us! They rolled a huge rock

and this time we really thought the sky had fallen on our heads.

Hey, Obélix.

Stop pigging yourself.

It's only my third boar.

It's only his third! Will you eat another three?

No, only two more. Tonight I'm eating light.

- Aren't you fat enough? - Not fat, just well padded.

- Who's she? - Don't you know?

It's Falbalá.

Little Falbalá? The daughter of...

But she was that tall.

She studied eight years in Lutetia

- She's changed. - She's added a few centimetres.

And a few kilos... It suits her.

Obélix!

- She recognized you! - Hold him. Oh, Falbalá!

My dear Obélix, I'm so happy to see you.

You've changed so much. I didn't recognize you.

You haven't changed at all, except for a few extra kilos.

He's just well padded.

That's right, well padded.

- Falbalá! - Well padded!

Smells delicious. I'm going to eat your boar.

I'm not deaf! I don't care. Go ahead, eat it.

You've never refused boar. Are you sick?

No, I'm fine. Why? What a beautiful night!

Can you smell how fragrant the air is?

The moon is full. I hadn't noticed.

Did that little flirt do this to you?

- What little flirt? - Falbalá, of course.

Don't you dare speak ”I of Falbalá!

All right, let go of me. You're strangling me.

I'm sorry.

Falbalá is not a flirt. Falbalá is... Falbalá.

Is it for Falbalá?

To wear around her neck on a big chain?

It's an engagement menhir.