Go On

And you can kiss the playoffs good-bye again.

Now you want respect, go to Lambeau

and beat the packers.

You're listening to Jack Madden

filling in once more on the Ryan King show on K-ball.

Hey, I'm back!

Hey, hi.

Up next, Jets center Nick Mangold.

Hey, Steven, lady.

I'm back and better than ever.

Ryan, they said you called.

Jack? Jack Madden!

You don't have to do this anymore.

I listened on the way in.

Not strong.

Hey, let's go to my office, yeah?

You're not supposed to be back yet.

I am fine.

I am ready to be back on the air.

I bursting with all new provocative takes on things.

"The Olympics, they've gotten too foreign."

"Did he just say that?"

He did just say that.

Buddy, you gotta deal with Janie.

You remember Janie, right?

Sure, about yea high, completed me,

doesn't come around much anymore.

Your wife died a month ago.

How could you be okay?

I'll be okay as long as everyone else is cool,

which means no more sad looks

and no more flowers

and no more sympathy cake.

It just occurs to me now there's

no such thing as sympathy cake.

Margaret, happy 60th.

I know what this is about,

and I love Margaret too,

but there is no way she is only 60.

Look, corporate thinks, and I agree,

that you need some help. All right?

Carrie, come in.

We put together a list of names,

people you can talk to.

You're on his side? You work for me.

I am always on your side.

You are smart, and you're handsome.

- What are you doing? - I don't know.

Therapy? Group sessions?

No, this is... It's not for me.

Look, I'm not gonna lie.

I have my bad days, but that's why I'm here.

This is where I feel like myself.

This is what I need.

Ten sessions, get the sheet signed,

then you can come back.

Ten sessions... ten hours of talking about my feelings.

- See, you know what I need? - Feelings.

I'm just gonna sit in the back and listen to something.

Fill this up. With what?

Please.

You've heard them all so many times.

All: The Ryan King show!

- The Ryan King show. - The Ryan King show.

Welcome back the Ryan King show.

Still with me is Celtics star Kevin Garnett.

KG, thanks for sticking around.

My pleasure, man.

Anytime I'm on with you, it's a few minutes

I'm guaranteed you're not slamming me.

Kev, you're the man, 14-time all-star,

world champion. So here's the question.

Who's the ugliest guy you've ever played with?

Really, man?

This is what you're doing in your spare time?

The, uh, transitions group?

Thank you, my Lord.

Hi, is this the group for, uh...

- Life change. - Life change, right.

So is it mainly for people who have just won the lottery,

or...?

- Hello. - Hi.

Hi.

Okay.

Guys, Lauren's on the phone.

She's late, and she asked me to start.

Don't worry, Lauren. I'll make you proud.

I can totally handle this.

Oh, my God. There's a new person!

Yeah, he heard that.

Sorry, Lauren.

Welcome.

Hello. I'm Ryan.

I'm really just observing,

so just pretend I'm not here.

That's certainly what I'll be doing.

Well, let's jump in.

- Is everybody seated? - All: Yeah.

Why do I feel like your life change

involves wearing a suit of other people's skin?

Whoa.

Who wants to start, to my right?

It's Owen, George.

He's not gonna say anything.

Oh, for God's sakes, I'll start.

Tomorrow will be five months since Patricia's been gone.

Stop takes notes, right now.

I miss her snore.

I can't bring myself to sleep in our bed.

Five months on the couch, kids think I'm nuts.

Hey, you should be happy you have family.

I wish I did.

And be happy you have a bed.

The bank took mine.

Well, my stuff is a lot worse than yours.

Guys, stop. You know Lauren says we shouldn't compare like this.

No, no, no. Don't stop.

Sorry, it's just, that's the fun part.

Humans compete. We like rankings.

The Dodgers are in fourth place.

Back in black is the third highest selling

album of all-time.

Bradley Cooper's the sexiest man alive,

because apparently People magazine

has never heard of a Mr. Ryan gosling.

Be honest, when you sit here

listening to someone else's problems,

you may smile and nod, but he's right.

A big part of you is thinking,

"my thing's worse than your thing."

- Am I right? - Look, new guy,

I don't know who you are, but yes.

Whose thing is the worst?

Okay.

We're gonna figure it out.

What are you doing?

We are gonna have a little contest

to see who can bottom who.

Uh, I don't think Lauren would want us...

Screw what Laura...

It's Lauren, and she's been

instrumental in my healing journey.

- You frighten me. - Good.

Here are the brackets.

We've all made it to the tournament.

Congratulations. Oh!

Now, we're gonna go head-to-head.

You got five seconds to tell your sob story.

Winners advance, we go a couple of rounds,

and we know once and for all who rules the land.

Are you in?

We could call it "March sadness."

Okay.

That's exactly what we're gonna call it.

Owen, I love you. I just fell in love with you.

I know it's sudden. You man the board.

Okay, we got an odd number of people.

Is anybody okay to sit out?

I can. I like to watch.

I'm sure you do.

Okay, go.

Big job, fiancee, friends,

left it all to try to sing, failed.

Wow, it's like a sad haiku.

Okay, you, go.

- Sir? - Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you talking to me?

It's hard for me to be sure

- as I've gone blind. - Ooh.

Wow, George is not messing around.

You, sir, are moving on.

Five seconds and go.

Okay, uh, I came home from work.

Pat was supposed to be there.

And the house was so quiet. Two seconds.

I went up the stairs and down the hallway...

- Time. - She died. She's dead.

Her heart exploded because she wouldn't

- take her stupid pills. - Sorry.

You've been disqualified.

Clock management is key, people.

- Yours to lose. - No!

I can't lose to this.

Three seconds.

- My cat died. -

On a technicality,

feline death beats human one, our first upset.

What a Cinderella story.

That was her name.

Cinderella was her name.

Jeez.

Look, my friends think I should be here, but I'm fine.

He's not fine. He's in total denial.

Five seconds.

I came back from deployment,

and there was my wife with the new baby.

- Okay, so you missed the birth? - And the conception.

Danny, your wife and her lover have sent you

- into the final four. - Neat.

I haven't seen a sunset in 20 years.