UnREAL

I just wanted to -- making the final two.

Darius, if you really can't play anymore,

then you have to marry Tiffany.

Well, you got Romeo shot. If you even --

You put our suitor in the hospital.

The truth incriminates Rachel.

She's the one who called the cops.

I'm a reporter. That woman Mary,

who jumped off the roof last year, that was a murder.

Who's your source? Jeremy.

This piece will be unstoppable.

I need you to walk us through it.

We lied, we covered it up.

Police should've known when Darius --

'Cause we killed her.

Take the medicine, sweetheart.

I found a place. We'll work things out

with a therapist who isn't your mother,

then we are going to burn this place down.

I saw Coleman sneaking out of Yael's room this morning.

Hot version of you is stealing your little boyfriend.

You need something that you can build an episode on.

Who's your target? Yael.

Go away! Oh, my God! Why would you --?

Quinn, what is it?

You want kids, and I can't have them.

I won't be anybody's disappointment.

I have work to do. Quinn?

Are you really going to let me walk away? Yes.

Coleman knows about Mary. He's about to expose us.

I am so sorry, Quinn.

We really have to stop them.

Hey, babe, what's up? Hey.

Um... Hands off the keyboard, please.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?

My guys have been instructed to confiscate every piece

of electronic equipment in this office

and to ferret out any backups or cloud-based versions

you might have already uploaded.

Rachel, why are you doing this?

Uh, I don't know. Maybe because I don't want to get carted off

to some beautiful institution

while you take down "Everlasting."

I know. I know that that's what you think is best for me,

but I actually know what's best for me.

Which is this. This is crazy, Rachel.

See, that's where you're wrong again, Coleman.

Um, I'm not crazy.

In fact, I'm smart enough to call your ex-girlfriend,

who told me that she didn't break up with you

because you moved to Hollywood.

No, she actually broke up with you

when she found that you paid off some downtrodden Asian extras

to impersonate the Cambodian sex slaves

in your award-winning documentary.

Shocking.

So it turns out that you're just as full of shit as we are.

Now what's going to happen is this --

you are going to keep your mouth shut about us,

we will keep our mouths shut about you,

and everyone will live happily ever after.

I win.

Again.

Move it.

Tonight on "Everlasting,"

Darius will make his final choice live on the air.

Okay, now step back, Graham. This isn't a fricking three-way.

Keep B cam on Tiffany. I want plenty of snarky eye rolls

and that "I just smelled a fart" thing she does with her face.

That. Yes. Perfect. That's perfect.

You're back.

Indeed. What do you got, Jay?

Got flowers, we've got dresses, I've got blinding diamond rings.

Actually, I don't have a horse-drawn carriage

because, apparently, the Clydesdales dinged the driveway last season,

but -- Locations was mad.

Okay, whatever.

Everything else is a romance explosion.

Mmm, that's great.

But people want a shit-show, literally.

If last week's ratings were any indication,

none of this love-dovey boondoggle.

Whatever happened to selling true love?

Yeah, that's over.

I want to see a bitch bleed. Thank you. Let's go.

Let's see what we have today, shall we, Rachel?

As you can see, I don't just envision our lives

to just be the two of us.

Vision boards, wow.

I did that when I was in the third grade.

We can be a beacon of light for all those around us.

"A beacon of light"? Who talks like that?

Just light the flame.

Thank you, Chantal. That was beautiful.

And, uh, last but not least, Tiffany, you're up.

Darius, I mean, sure

we could hang out at my family's ranch and ride horses.

Oh, you can hang out at your ranch. You're so rich.

But the life I envision for us

is filled with a bit more adventure than that.

Oh, my God.

Hey, uh, C camera,

could you do a close-up on Tiffany's ankle, please.

Passion, excitement, desire.

Unbelievable.

Graham: Exciting.

Thank you, Tiffany. That, uh...

I'll have to -- Sounds exciting. What are you even talking about?

So, uh, what? America...

You're screwing her now?

How did you know that?

The anklet.

It's your move. Your only move, Chet.

You give one to every person you become infatuated with.

Hell, you even gave one to me when I was still a PA.

You remembered.

Is Quinn a little jealous? Mm.

You wish. Mm.

It's a taste issue, Chet.

It was tacky then, and it's tacky now.

So I'm supposed to get engaged tonight

to one of these girls?

No, not one of these girls. To Tiffany.

Remember, we talked about this.

It's true, D.

She's got the dad, the connections.

That's the only reason I'm back here,

to make sure this really happens.

You need to get your head in the game, my brother.

Exactly. And pretty soon,

we're going to have to come clean about this injury.

So unless you plan on moving out to the boonies

to like, run a used car dealership for the rest of your life,

we need a decision.

Which I thought we'd already made,

but regardless, we have to prep for a winner.

I like how you guys got all the answers.

What now?

It's Tiffany.

Oh! Congratulations!

Mazel Tov.

Uh, yeah.

You know, I think, uh, Tiffany

is going to be perfect, actually.

Why would -- Wh-what did you say it like that for?

What's...? You know, why don't you just get back out there, okay?

Because my diamond guy's setting up.

Just make sure that Tiffany picks the emerald cut,

'cause like it or not, that's what she's getting.

And you, why don't you go do something?

How about you, Wags?

What? You're just going to sit there?

Oh, no. Uh, no, you know I never listen.

Yeah. Why don't you just make yourself busy?

I will.

Now let the real work begin. You ready to do this?

Born ready. What do you got?

Well, I need you to produce Yael to get her ass back on camera.

No.

I need her for the finale.

That girl hates me.

I made her shit her pants on national television.

I know. It was fantastic.

But she's part of a much larger plan, okay?

Trust me. It's going to be epic.

They're only letting you keep the car

'cause nobody else wanted it.

I can't believe you could even show your face to me.

You have balls. Oh, my God, you're such a dick, dude.

Hot Rachel? I mean, seriously?

You just couldn't control yourself.

Oh, you had just revealed some fairly alarming details

about your mother, about Mary, about who you really are.

I'd say the instinct to run away from all that's pretty human.

Oh. So I'm just too damaged to bring to your Puritan,

stick-in-the-ass family wedding in Chilmark?

That's just not what my family is about.

And your family knows, right?

That your whole career is based on lies?

Do they?

I'm not going to let you touch this place.

Because this "Everlasting" is all you have left now.

That's sad.

And Quinn and all the other vagabond... Mm-hmm.

...orphan misfits that work here,

they are the only people who will ever accept you

for the broken, damaged, vile person that you are.

All right, guys, you can take him away now, thank you.

I promise you this is not over. Let's go.

O0 C1 "Riin the bellies of womends whiall over the world.ies

Now, if Darius decides to take that next step

with either one of you tonight on live TV,

then one of these beautiful baubles could be yours.

Tiffany: Oh, my God! Chantal: Oh, my God!

Hmm. Distract them with sparkles.

These are gorgeous! Oh, my gosh. Look at this one! That is amazing.

Hey. You wanted me?

Yes. Uh, go get Tiffany for me.

Yeah, but they're doing the diamond -- Right now.

Yep. Okay.