The Phantom Tollbooth

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS...

NOW, LET'S GET READY FOR THE SPELLING BEE.

AFTER THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA BY COLUMBUS...

THE FIBONACCI SEQUENCE...

BE SURE TO CARRY THE THREE.

YOU WEREN'T THINKING...

THE WEATHER WILL BE CLOUDY WITH INTERMITTENT SHOWERS...

A 12-SIDED MATHEMATICAL...

E=MC SQUARED...

GIVE ME FIVE WORDS THAT BEGIN WITH "J"...

DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID...

JUDGE PRONOUNCED HIM GUILTY...

BLABBER DOWN...

THE SUM OF THE SQUARES...

HELLO, RALPH.

HI, MILO. ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING?

NAH...I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.

WHAT'S THERE TO DO?

NOTHING, I GUESS.

NOTHING IS FUN ANYMORE.

RIGHT.

EVERYTHING'S A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

WHEN I'M IN SCHOOL,

ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE OUT.

WHEN I'M NOT IN SCHOOL,

I WANT TO BE SOMEPLACE ELSE.

IF ONLY SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN SOMETIME.

YEAH.

WHAT'S THE USE IN SUBTRACTING

TURNIPS FROM TURNIPS

OR CARRYING A THREE

OR KNOWING HOW TO SPELL "FEBRUARY"?

FEB-RU-ARY.

YEAH.

EVERYTHING'S A DRAG.

AND WHO WANTS TO SIT AROUND DOING HOMEWORK, ANYWAY?

EVERYTHING SEEMS SO IMPOSSIBLE.

EVERYBODY SAYS IT'S SUCH A BIG, WONDERFUL WORLD.

HOW COME IT SEEMS SO...

SMALL AND KIND OF EMPTY?

THERE'S NO RHYME OR--

OR REASON TO ANY OF IT.

HEY, RALPH. DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

HEAR SOMETHING?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

IT SOUNDED KIND OF LIKE A BUMP

OR LIKE SOMETHING HEAVY DROPPING.

WELL...

I GUESS IT WASN'T ANYTHING.

NOTHING'S EVER ANY--THING.

HEY, RALPH.

THERE'S SOMETHING FUNNY IN MY BEDROOM.

SOMETHING FUNNY IN YOUR BEDROOM?

I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

THAT'S FUNNY. I DON'T THINK IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

WELL, MILO,

YOU ARE NOW THE PROUD POSSESSOR

OF ONE GENUINE TURNPIKE TOLLBOOTH.

TURNPIKE TOLLBOOTH?

FOR USE BY THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER TRAVELED

IN THE LAND BEYOND.

BEYOND? BEYOND WHAT?

BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION, OF COURSE.

YOUR GENUINE TOLLBOOTH KIT

CONTAINS ONE GALVANIZED AUTOMOBILE.

ONE BOOK OF RULES AND TRAFFIC REGULATIONS.

ONE MAP, UP-TO-DATE AND CAREFULLY DRAWN

BY A MASTER CARTOGRAPHER.

AND PRECAUTIONARY SIGNS

TO BE USED IN A PRECAUTIONARY MANNER.

HAVE YOUR DESTINATION IN MIND.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE A DESTINATION.

RULE NUMBER 8A...

ALL TRAVELERS MUST HAVE A DESTINATION.

NO JOURNEY IS VALID WITHOUT A DESTINATION.

FIND ONE ON YOUR MAP, MILO.

WELL? WELL?

"CASTLE IN THE AIR."

MIGHT AS WELL GO THERE AS ANYWHERE.

CASTLE IN THE AIR.

THE CASTLE IN THE AIR,

BY WAY OF DICTIONOPOLIS,

DIGITOPOLIS, AND ALL POINTS WEST.

DICTIONOPO--

DIGITOP--

HOW FAR IS IT? MAYBE I DON'T WANT--

WELL, MILO, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

GOING OR STAYING?

WELL?

I DON'T KNOW IF...

ALL RIGHT. GOING, I GUESS.

RESULTS ARE NOT GUARANTEED.

BUT IF NOT PERFECTLY SATISFIED,

YOUR WASTED TIME WILL BE REFUNDED.

PLEASE HAVE YOUR FARE READY.

HUH?

STOP!

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

YOU'RE HOLDING UP TRAFFIC.

OH, WELL. IT LOOKS LIKE A DULL AFTERNOON ANYWAY.

THIS IS CRAZY.

HERE I AM, RIDING ALONG A ROAD I'VE NEVER SEEN,

GOING TO A PLACE I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.

I WONDER WHERE I AM, ANYWAY.

"YOU ARE ON THE ROAD TO DICTIONOPOLIS"?

"BEWARE OF OFFICER SHORT SHRIFT"?

WHAT A FUNNY NAME.

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE SO GUILTY.

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.

SLOW DOWN OR I'LL ARREST THE LOT OF YOU.

HOW CAN I SLOW DOWN?

I'M NOT EVEN MOVING.

OH, IT'S YOU, IS IT?

MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT WOULD BE A BOY.

TALKING BACK TO AN OFFICER--

THAT'S A MISDEMEANOR.

WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF JULY 25th?

HMM?

JULY 25th?

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT?

DO WITH IT? IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

THAT'S WHAT IT'S GOT TO DO WITH IT!

BOYS ARE ALWAYS FORGETTING PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

YOU HAVE COMMITTED THE FOLLOWING CRIMES...

UNDERCEDING THE SPEED LIMIT, A MISDEMEANOR.

BUT I WASN'T EVEN MOVING.

WASN'T EVEN MOVING, EH?

OVERSTRUCTING TRAFFIC, A FELONY.

LOOK, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING.

NOT DOING ANYTHING...

I THINK YOU'LL ADMIT, AT YOUR AGE,

THAT'S A CRIME. NOW, THEN,

WOULD YOU LIKE A LONG SENTENCE

OR SHORT SENTENCE?

WELL... I SUPPOSE A SHORT ONE...

IF I HAVE A CHOICE.

HOW ABOUT "I AM"?

IT'S THE SHORTEST SENTENCE I KNOW.

IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU

TO GIVE ME SUCH A SHORT SENTENCE.

AND JUST WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO PRISON

AND START SERVING IT?

S-S-SERVING?

WELL, I, UH...

I SUPPOSE I REALLY CAN'T

UNTIL I GET BACK FROM DICTIONOPOLIS

AND THE CASTLE IN THE AIR.

THE WHAT IN THE WHAT?

WHY, THE CASTLE IN THE AIR.

BOYS ARE GUILTY OF EVERYTHING.

GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

"WELCOME TO EXPECTATIONS."

EXPECTATIONS?

BOY, THEY SURE HAVE A WAY