Friends

Are you looking at naked tribeswomen?

No, look.

That's a pig.

I know. But look at the knobs on it!

Hey. Hey.

Emily's cousin kicked me out.

- What? - Why?

When you sublet from your wife's cousin...

...then you divorce, sometimes the cousin wants his apartment back.

Didn't you sign a lease?

Who needs a lease when it's "family"?

You can stay with us.

Anything you need.

But you have to let us know when you feel better...

...so we can make fun of your hair.

- You got it. Okay.

Thanks, I really appreciate this. I'm going to get packing again.

I've been moving around so much that I feel like a nomad.

- What? - He thought you said gonad.

Wow, Monica. If every place were this clean, it'd be tough making a living.

Ha, oh, Larry!

Um, do health inspectors work on commission?

No, bribes.

- Ha-ha-ha, it's okay to laugh? - I was just kidding.

- I'll check the kitchen floor. Knock yourself out.

Yummy! Heh.

Larry?

Yeah, I'd let him check out my kitchen floor.

A 98.

I deducted two points for not wearing your hat.

That is a Section 5 violation.

Oh. Now look, Larry, honey, ha, ha.

Um, I wrote the book on Section 5.

You only need to wear it in the kitchen.

- Where's your hat? - In the kitchen. I'll get it.

Ah, there's the two points!

You should really read that book you wrote.

Wow.

You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew she'd go in hatless to get it, heh.

You could have your own health inspector detective show.

Ah, I don't know about that.

But then I could be your sidekick, Voonda, heh.

Maybe, uh, I could ask Voonda to dinner sometime?

She would love that...

...since you know all the clean places to eat, heh.

I'll call you.

Okay.

He's so funny! Whoa, oh.

Thank you. - Thanks.

How's Ross doing since all the Emily stuff?

He's not great. But, um, he's dealing with it.

- Oh. - Wait, you're not...

Oh, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again.

He'll be screwed up for a long time.

Besides, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.

Right, you only go for them five minutes before they get married.

Two pounds of mocha java. It's Danny.

Are you going to go out again?

I don't know. He hasn't called since we went out.

I see him in the hallway. We flirt. I'm all...

...and then nothing.

- Hey. Hi, Danny.

Wow, thirsty, huh?

I'm having a party on Saturday. Sort of a housewarming thing.

- Oh, fun. - Oh, great!

- Really looking forward to it. Yeah.

See you!

So I guess we won't be warming his house.

Oh, ha, ha, okay.

All right, I see what he's doing.

He's not asking me out because he wants me to ask him out.

And you won't do that.

That's right!

Because that would give him the control.

So now he comes up with this "I've got a party" thing...

...to get me to hint for an invitation.

Blew up in his face, didn't it? Ha.

So there is no party?

No, there's a party. There's a party.

But the power?

That is still up for grabs.

You follow me?

I think so.

So he won't invite you to his party because he likes you?

Exactly!

Ross?

Hey, roomies!

I love what you've done with the place.

Oh, I know it's a lot of boxes.

- I appreciate you letting me stay here. Not a problem.

Since you'll be here a while...

...we, uh, could put your name on the answering machine.

Oh, I, uh, hope you don't mind...

...but I kind of already jazzed it up a little, ha, ha.

Check it out.

[QUEEN'S "WE WILL ROCK YOU" PLAYING ON ANSWERING MACHINE]

We will We will call you back

- Pretty cool, huh? Oh, yes.

- You're fake laughing too, right? - The tears are real.

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha.

- You look beautiful this evening. - Heh.

Show me the badge again.

Shiny, ha, ha.

Oh, you mind if I wash up? Who knows where these have been?

You are just nonstop, ha-ha-ha!

- We're out of here. - Why?

I saw ten violations. I'm shutting this place down!

- You have the power to do that? - This does.

Shut it down.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

You built a fort, didn't you?

Kind of, heh.

Oh, my God! The air purifier. Ross' air purifier.

All I heard for four years through college was...

You should have gone out once in a while.

- I hate this thing! - Come on, Chandler.

Ross is our friend. He needs us right now.

So why don't you be a grownup and come watch TV in the fort?

- Oh, hi, Danny. - Hey, guys.

Uh, I wanted to invite you to the party.

Oh, thanks, I'll try to stop by.

Actually, I think, ahem, I'm going to be busy.

You are?

Yeah.

Remember? I've got that, uh, gala.

What's the gala for?

Uh, it's a, um...

It's, uh, a regatta gala.

Do you sail?

No, but I support it.

I hope I see you tomorrow night. Take care.

Okay.

Walked right into that one, didn't he?

What one?

You wanted him to invite you and he did.

He waited until the last minute. So if I said yes...

...he'd know I had nothing better to do than wait for his invitation.

But I said no...

...which puts me back in the driver's seat.

So the ball is in his court?

Ball?

No, there's no ball.

Joey, please.

Sorry.

- Hello, children. Hey.

You want to play some foosball? Please?

- Okay. - No, no, no.

We moved the table into my room because of all the boxes, ha, ha.

Come on!

I have one question.

What is the deal with this?

Bye-bye, little puppet Joey hand?

No, the quiet down thing.

Oh. You mean this.

Mm-hm.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with a show about bugs?

My God!

- What if that had been porn? - Oh!

All right, this may be tough...

...but it's Ross. I survived college with him.

I guess I can hold out a little longer.

- Let's have a game. - Okay.

Don't be scored on. No, no, no.

Yes. Ha-ha-ha.

Uh, fellas?

- So he's out of here. - Mm-hm.

- Hey. Hey.

Got anything to eat? I went to Jono's and it was closed.

Oh, I took Larry there, but it was all violated, so we shut it down.

If this guy keeps closing our favorite places, where will we eat?

I don't know. Clean places?

Mm, yum!

It's Danny.

Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a gala.

We'll be right there. Can't you say it's later?

What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?

The fake kind.

- Um, I need a ladle. You got a ladle? - We have a ladle.

See you at the party.

Okay, great.

You know what Larry would say? He'd say, "See you ladle."