Three Men and a Cradle (3 Hommes et un couffin)

THREE MEN AND A BASKET

I'll be back

I've gotta run but I've a favour to ask you.

Whatever, but hurry I'm really busy!

I'm supposed to get a valuable package on Sunday, but I won't be home.

Can I have it delivered here?

Yes, sure.

- Will someone be here to receive it? - Of course

Pierre and Michel will be here I'm leaving for Japan.

Will you tell them it'll arrive sometime on Sunday?

Tell 'em just to put it aside Someone will pick it up on Thursday.

- Is that all? - Yeah, I can trust you, right?

Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing.

You see, it's a bit tricky... If it's here, I'll feel safer.

- Don't worry, it's done, bye now. - Okay, I'm gone.

My poor feet!

I told you the party will wear you out.

- That was neat, huh? - Yeah.

What's Jacques doing?

He's necking with a brunette Sophie, I think.

No, Lili's her name

Lili or Sophie She's got a cute burn!

Nicole wouldn't shove off I couldn't get near Natalie.

- Jean-Marc's girl? - Yup.

A cracking lay according to him!

- Any whisky left? - Check the cabinet.

Sorry not to help but I've got something going.

- Aren't you leaving tomorrow? - Yeah, I'm flying to Japan.

At dawn, forget that the concierge will clean tomorrow.

Just tiding up a bit.

Hey, up all night then jet lag in Japan... What a man!

That bum of hers! A real dish!

We were just talking about that.

Is it Lili or Sophie?

Clementine, guys Did you score, Michel?

I've 34 drawings to deliver in 10 days and no nights till then.

But I'll catch up Anyway, leave Clementine's number

I'll leave it by the door tomorrow morning

I'll mark it with an X if she's worth it.

Well I'd better go

I won't wake you See you in three weeks.

Oh, wait, wait I forgot something...

I'm so beat, I can't walk I'm really beat

I feel like collapsing.

Hell, I forgot to tell 'em about the package!

Valery!

I've got to make a call.

Sorry, captain... I'll be right back...

I got it...

A package, Sunday... They'll come for it on Thursday...

No problem... We'll put it aside And mum's the word...

I'm in a meeting... Bye...

Kisses to the geishas!

I'm going for croissants... 3 or 4?

- What time's it? - 10, to work!

- But I was at it till 6! - Finished?

I didn't get anywhere.

Like I said, coffee, croissants and to work!

3 or 4?

6!!!

FOR JACQUES

What the hell is that?

You got to be kidding...

Michel!

Wake up!

- Hurry, come here! - What is it!

Come see what's on the doorstep, quick! That's some of a joke!

What is that?

You see, it's a basket with a baby in it and a letter on it.

Dearest Jacques, here's Marie the fruit of our passion

I'll be in the States for 6 months.

Take good care of her Good luck-Sylvia...

A nice gift from Jacques to keep us amused...

- What're we gonna do? - Give Ger back!

- But she went to the states! - There must be a way.

- Got her number? - Whose?

- Sylvia's! - Why would I? Never heard of the girl!

- Don't you know her? - No way!

If I had to know of all Jacques' girls I'd be a full-time secretary!

- What're we gonna do? - Look, she's waking up...

Look, she's laughing...

Now, she's crying!

- Please, she's not gonna start crying? - It's getting serious.

It's too much! What are you going to do?

Now she's really crying!

- What's wrong with her? - Maybe she's hungry.

- Hungry? - Maybe we should feed her...

- With what... - Milk.

What has he done to us! What a bastard!

A little package...

Just put it aside till next Thursday...

- How can we take care of her? - Call Jacques' mother.

How could she stop this racket from 500 miles?

- At least to ask her advice... - That old harpy!

I can already hear the questions firing...

What would Jacques do to us if he finds out we called his mother?

- I could call my own mother... - Leave our mothers out, please!

I promised Jacques to keep it secret Let's handle it on our own.

Let our mothers in and we're stuck for 10 years!

Besides, if a woman stays here more than a night, I move out.

- We made a deal. - All right, go and ask the chemist.

Good thinking Damn! It's closed on Sunday!

- The 24-hour pharmacy... - I'll go.

You take the baby.

Take the baby! I've never carried any... I'll drop it!

OK, OK, don't cry... I'll hold you.

What's the best brand?

It depends on your pediatrician's prescription...

The pediatrician, of course...

Give me the most popular.

- All brands are popular, they're all good. - OK, give me that one.

- This one's formula-milk. - Is that bad?

No, It's very good.

What's the difference?

The formula... This one's formula-milk too.

So there're several...

First age, or second?

- There are two ages? - How old is the baby?

Well... It's a baby... A little baby...

Stop crying! Will you ever stop?

Please, just go to sleep! What the hell is that jerk doing?

She seem very hungry.

Please, sleep, baby!

Does she have teeth yet?

- That'd tell us about her age. - I didn't look.

If she hasn't, she's probably younger than 6 months now.

- If she has teeth... - She's older than 6 months!

Not at all, she could very well have had teeth at 3 or 4 months.

- Oh... - Then... you need first-age milk.

And still it depends on the brand!

Some cover 3 months, some 4.

- Other brands... - How am I supposed to know?

- What's her weight? - Well... the weight...

Weigh her and according to her weight...

Never mind... I'll take both ages.

And see about the teeth.

- Do you want bottles? - Yes.

The nipples, regular or 3-speed... Ah, you can shift speeds...

There are different nipples, too?

It's about time!

Here's a package for you What've you got there?

Oh, it's so cute! Is it yours?

- No. - It's so adorable.

- Hi! Is it a boy? - Yes... No, a girl.

What's the baby girl's name?

- It's Marie. - Isn't that cute, Marie...

- I didn't know you had a baby. - No, it's not me... mine!

- Pierre's? - No, Jacques

I mean, not Jacques' either It's been lent to us

I mean... she's leaving Thursday.

- But where's her mummy? - OK, I'll put her to bed.

You? But where's her mother?

- She'll be back. - Here's an urgent package. Can I hold her?

What nice fat cheekies! You can tell she's well-fed.

You're a chubby little thing... Hey, she's soaked!

It's number 2... Can I help change her?

Leave it, I'm experienced Goodbye, Mrs Rodriguez.

There, there, don't cry!

- I'm closing the door. - Well, I'll come back to see her.

Sure, goodbye.

What a leech! And that other clown, where's he?

Go on, cry...

For her you smile but for me it's all pouts.

And who's been hauling you around for hours?

How do you make a bottle?

First, you sterilize the bottles Then...

Sterilize? How?

Well, to sterilize a bottle...

What the hell were you doing? It's been hours!

I've had it, cries incessantly that brat You're a real asshole!

Hey, you've never talked to me like that!

What took you so long? Had breakfast on the way?

- I haven't had a cup of coffee! - Cut out the act

I had no coffee The pharmacy took an hour!

- Here! I've got to work. - Why are you giving her to me?

I can't hold her and make a bottle And why should I hold her?

That's your business You found the kid!

That takes it! You're the Bastard of the Year!

I'd like to point out that I found her on my way out for your breakfast...

There she goes again... Better feed her.

It isn't that easy... First, I must check the teeth.

- Why? - Food is different according to age.

- We look on top or on the bottom? - I don't know.

Feel with your finger.

Nothing... She must be less than 9 months, I'll try first age.

- She's soaked, get any nappies? - Dammit!

I forgot that!

This time I'll go It'll be much quicker.

You have the basic pad the disposable nappy

- with elasticated legs or... - Give me the most absorbent!

Maxy plus?

My trousers!

What a swine, she did it.

Hand me the cotton.

- Don't let her go! - Take the cotton yourself, then.

Hold her, for God's sake!

Hold her? She's hysterical, this kid!

- Get rid of that towel. - She'll soil the couch.

That shit sticks! It won't get off easily.

We'd need some kind of lotion...