Shameless

I'm a pregnant teenage mom,

my boobs feel like watermelons,

my hormones are going crazy, and my feet hurt,

but I still managed to watch

last week's episode of Shameless.

What the hell is your excuse?

The room, though, it's... It's here in the house?

Yeah. Congratulations.

You're the new houseboy of Gamma Delta Rho.

Great.

We have only two jobs on this earth:

the first, to learn, the second, to cope.

You mean, uh, walking through life shitfaced?

- Where's your bodyguard? - Gone.

Is it okay if I sit here awhile?

That'd be okay.

Debs, meet Queenie.

This is Sammi's mom.

Let's get you some nettle leaf,

and it'll help to strengthen your placenta.

G-Dogg got a shipment coming through tomorrow.

- Need you to run it. - I'm going straight.

I'd like to offer my delivery services for a package.

Nobody's gonna notice if a little more goes missing

after we replace it with some baby laxative.

Fuck.

Hey!

Oh, shit.

What the fuck?

Where'd you get that?

I think it could be one of mine.

When Nikole finds out about this,

she's gonna take away my custody.

[muffled hip-hop music playing on car stereo]

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

- - Fuck!

Ah, fuck!

Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

No! No, no, no!

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

Shit!

Whoa!

- Slept here last night? - Yeah.

- What are you writing? - A letter to Sean's ex-wife.

- Oof. How come? - Ask Carl.

Carl, why is Fiona writing a letter to Sean's ex-wife?

- I don't want to talk about it. - Okay, great.

I'll just stand here and drink my coffee in silence.

Where are you going?

To the commune with Queenie.

Except you're not, 'cause you have school, remember?

I need a supportive environment.

Not gonna get it here.

So that's it for high school, huh?

Pregnant dropout at 15. Well played.

- Don't pretend you care. - You got to graduate, Debs.

Have you heard of "unschooling"?

It's a widely recognized form of education.

- By who? - Queenie says it's when

you get knowledge from life instead of books.

Like making spaghetti,

when you measure water, pasta, salt.

- That's math. - No, that's pathetic.

If I'm desperate, I can just get my GED.

You know, like you did.

Queenie, are you going to support Debbie

as she "unschools" her way through life?

Ignore her.

Well, I have so many friends in the commune

who have never had a day of conventional education,

and they have so much worldly wisdom.

Like boiling pasta.

You want to quit school, Debs, I can't stop you.

Enjoy yourself at... what is it?

Soaring Consciousness Ecovillage.

A hundred acres, very peaceful.

Oh, and if you see Lip,

tell him never to stifle his passion.

Ta-ta.

- What's this? - Hey, Frankie, baby.

- We're off to the commune. - What?

Chuckie's probation papers came yesterday.

Grandma is a rolling stone.

That's a great idea.

Lying under the stars in a rural paradise.

Fresh air, crackling fire. Jeez, that sounds nice.

Are we taking the van?

Don't you need to pack?

No, no. I'm good.

Okay.

- Where's my change? - In tip jar.

I wasn't planning on tipping five bucks.

Exactly.

What's her problem?

Well, her dad sold her into sexual slavery.

Pretty much put her in a bad mood for life.

- - Pacie must have fell out.

It's okay. You go. I take drinks.

- What's that accent, Polish? - It's Russian.

So she wasn't born here.

Sent over in a shipping crate.

You pay her under the table?

Shit, yeah.

How do you think this place stays open?

Excuse me.

I'm Officer Lester Hibbert

from United States Citizenship and Immigration Services.

- Wait, what? - According to your boss,

you came to this country illegally.

- Nice. - I didn't know he was

whatever he said.

I came here to unwind. You treated me like shit.

And then you took my last five bucks.

Now we're gonna have a conversation.

- He's with Immigration? - I had no idea.

I didn't see his badge.

Shit, we can't run this bar without her.

Not and raise two kids.

Hey, Olga. Paycheck.

At last, I can retire.

Charlotte.

- Are you okay? - And Fiona Gallagher.

I was up all night.

I searched every inch of the house.

I found all of Carl's guns.

I-I went to the police station.

I left them there, no questions asked.

Yeah, good idea.

Are you gonna tell Nikole?

I can't ask Will to hide this from his mom.

- I got to come clean. - Okay.

I-I wrote a letter, which you can give to her.

It says that it was all my fault

and that you are a great dad.

There are three different versions...

She's not gonna want to hear from you.

Well, what can I do then? I-I feel awful.

Miguel, did you print out sales from last week?

I got the accountant coming to file taxes.

Can you stay through lunch?

Well, uh, are we gonna talk about this?

Maybe later.

Ooh, a little nippy.

Freezing. And no service.

Where's your house?

My tent's right up there.

Your tent?

We gonna see a mountain lion?

No, we're not, Chuckles.

You were right all along. I wasn't listening.

This is where we were meant to be together.

Out in the fresh, crisp air, the smell of pine.

Jupiter.

You were sorely missed.

Everybody, this is Jupiter,

a founding father of Soaring Conciousness.

And is this...?

The one I wrote to you about.

We all hoped you'd come, Deborah.

And here you are.

Here, let me help you inside.

Nice of you to bring her a blanket.

It is chilly.