Reaper

Previously, on "Reaper"...

Before you were born...

your mom and I, sold your soul, to the devil.

- I'm the devil! - Aah!!!

You're just going to bring escaped souls back to hell.

You know, like a bounty hunter.

- You didn't tell Andi? - No! I'm not gonna tell Andi.

If she knows, she'll think I'm a freak. You can make her go out with you.

You can make her go out with you, Damien.

Sam, I like you. I love working with you guys.

And how am I supposed to capture them?

This will help. A vessel.

Handcrafted in the bowels of perdition

by the iniquitous and the vio.

How do you capture a soul with it?

Maybe you drive it into the guy, right?

You finally found the one thing that you're good at,

and you kicked ass. We kicked ass.

I did it.

Line by line re-sync by Dandysubs on 20170125.

You're dead.

You're dead.

You're dead!

Ah, I'm dead.

Give me a bite of that.

No, no, I need you to feed it to me.

- What? - I'm starving, ok?

Everything I put in my mouth ends up covered in bugs.

Oh, nice.

So bugs, huh?

You think that's the work of, uh, el diablo?

It must be.

Time to collect a soul that's escaped from hell.

I just wish the devil would do it in a less disgusting way.

All right, come on. Open up, baby bird.

Tilt it back.

- Get it, get it real-- - Morning.

No, please continue.

Very romantic, actually.

Ha, yeah, no, it's... my hands are dirty.

Sam, what time are you off work tonight?

Seven. Why?

There's a primate lecture on campus tonight.

They're bringing in a lowland gorilla expert.

I could use your company.

Really?

I just figured we could get a cup of coffee

afterwards with some people in class.

So what do you say? You, me and the monkeys?

Um, yeah, well, actually, uh, ahh.

Sock and I made plans to hang out, so--

Yep. Yeah.

Yes. Uh, we're gonna go donate bone marrow...

- to the needy at the convention. - You guys are so weird.

Oh-ho. That's right.

- Bone marrow? - Pardon me, idiot,

but I think Andi just asked you out on a date.

No, it wasn't a date, ok? It was a lecture,

and I don't want to spend the evening feeling stupid

in front of her college friends.

Whatever, man.

She was all up in your grill piece, and you told her to take a hike.

- Good job. - It's not a good time

to start something with Andi, all right? It's just...

I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had such a full calendar right now.

My life is complicated, ok?

If we actually went on a date, it would be a total disaster.

You know what? I'm sick of that old song and dance, ok?

"My name's Sam, I gather shopping carts for a living,

I collect souls for the devil."

Boohoo. Zero pity.

You're gonna have to do better than that.

Well?

See, now I think that's cool.

You ever feel lost, Sam?

- What? - Lost. Aimless, lacking purpose.

Believe me, I can relate.

I wasn't always the manager.

I had to earn it.

But I had to shake off some serious addiction issues

before I found direction in my life.

- You were addicted to drugs? - Gambling.

And shoes.

Lots of shoes.

Point is, Sam, is that I turned my life around.

And there's still hope for you.

Hope in the form of toilets.

- Toilets? - For 2,000 years,

people have been using these

porcelain "thrones,"

and they're gonna be using them for another 2,000.

Um, yeah, I just have no interest in selling toilets, so...

I see a spark of the old me in you, you know that?

Please don't tell me that, Ted.

And that's why I am prepared...

to promote you

to assistant manager

of the plumbing department.

What do you think of them apples?

I think I want to stab myself.

- Sorry? - What?

I'm throwing you a lifeline here, Sam.

I suggest you take it.

Yeah, it's just...

my destiny does not include

spending the rest of my life at the work bench.

You know, I have plans to do something with my life.

Doing something with your life, Sam,

requires skills.

And the only overt skills I see from you

is tardiness and general ineptitude.

Lifeline, Sam.

- Think about it, ok? - Ok.

What are you doing?

This is really nice.

Much roomier than it looks.

Why, you could live in there.

Finally get out of your parents' house, huh, Sam?

Ugh. Give me the vessel.

No, no, no, no.

I do not like this tone at all. What's the problem?

Ted wants to promote me to assistant manager

of the plumbing department.

Promotion? Well, congratulations!

Make sure you get the 401k.

No, no, don't congratulate me.

He's saying that I'm going to spend

the rest of my life here at the work bench.

You know, I don't get you, Sammy.

You don't want to work here at this place,

you don't want to work for me.

What exactly do you want?

Just something that doesn't suck.

Well, one of these days, maybe you'll come up

with a little better plan than that, huh?

I brought this for you.

This is the vessel?

No. I just want to communicate with you on your level, buddy.

Go ahead, give it a gander.

Oh, man, what are you showing me?

That's Harriet Swenseen, 62.

Her death was attributed to anaphylactic shock. Keep going.

Lois Johnson, 59.

She caught the west nile virus.

Fiona Beauchamp, 65.

She was done in by a nasty infection from a bite.

Oh, sorry. That's me at the Emmys.

All right, so let me guess. They were all killed by bugs?

Yeah, maybe, maybe.

I can tell you this...

all the deaths occurred in the last 2 months.

That- that's it? That's all you're gonna tell me?

Oh, come on!

Aren't you going to at least thank me

for the visual presentation?

- I mean, how cool was that? - It just doesn't help me.

- Wait, I need more help. - Follow the bugs, buddy.

What does that mean?

You didn't give me the vessel!

Thanks.

Ass.

Ted offered me a job today.

Assistant manager of plumbing.

Oh. I see.

- I'm not taking it. - No, no, you know what?

Go ahead, take your little job, Mr. Man.

- When were you gonna tell us? - I'm not gonna take it.

I'm not taking it. I'm probably not taking it.

Probably? Probably not going to take it?

Well, guess what? I'm probably not going

to feed management french fries.

Why are you so pissed off about this, huh?

- Why? - Yeah, why do you care?

Maybe if you didn't have your lips

permanently sealed to Ted's anus like an ass gasket,

you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, ok?

- Come on. - God!

You're angry today, man.

A little bit.

I want a salad.

Uh, no. Sorry, I'm not going to order you a salad.

- That's a chick order. - I want a salad.

You're not getting a salad. We always do this.

- Do what? Do what? - Do this.

What, you always order a salad?

You're getting the chicken midgets!

Fine.

And a side salad, ok? You can have a side salad.

Thank you. Appreciate it.

Hey, guys, look.

- Devil said follow the bugs. - Go, go, go, go, go!

Burger!

I saw him turn right up there. Pull over.

Horseshoe court.

What is this place?

Looks like an apartment complex.

You think the exterminator's the escaped soul?

I don't know.

- The soul kills people with bugs. - Oh, head's up.

Dispatch, I got trouble.