The Smallest Show on Earth

I shall never forget that day.

Matt was only halfway through the novel,

and our funds were running low.

Then, the letter arrived,

which was to change everything.

Jean.

Darling?

When did this come?

What?

Oh, just now.

I didn't want to distract you.

Why, what is it?

Matt.

Great-uncle Simon.

I didn't know you had a great-uncle Simon.

Well, I didn't have a great-uncle Simon.

Sole heir...

The whole estate, Sloughborough, Worts...

Oh, some mistake.

I never had any great-uncle Simon.

But you must've had a great-uncle Simon...

I tell you, I didn't.

Surely, if I had a great-uncle Simon,

I'd least of heard of a great-uncle Simon.

Simpson, Carter, and Son.

They must be out of their minds.

It says will you get in touch with them.

Sloughborough.

What's that, Trunks?

It must be.

Neither have I.

Great-uncle Simon.

Great-uncle Simon.

Oh, Operator.

This is Northway 0267, I want Sloughborough, Worts 29.

Oh.

Oh, is it?

It's Sluff-borough.

Matt?

You couldn't be...

Couldn't be what?

You couldn't be inheriting a fortune, could you?

Because if you are, let me say right now,

I love you more than ever.

Darling, don't be so silly.

No, no, no, not you operator.

You know, I had a great-uncle Hugh,

and a great-uncle Edward I think, but, hello?

Oh, Simpson, Carter, and Son?

Oh, my name's Spenser, Matthew Spenser.

Yes, I think the point is that there's

been some idiotic mistake because

I can tell you quite definitely,

I never had a...

What?

I beg your pardon?

Oh.

What?

I did have a great-uncle Simon.

Oh!

Yes, just hold the line one moment, will you?

The secretary wants to know

when we can come down.

Well, I think we can come right away.

Yes, today.

Yes.

Paddington?

11:10?

Matt, we'll never do it!

Yes, yes, I think we can manage that.

Uh, oh.

Do you by any chance happen to know

anything about the estate?

We'll never get that train, what is it?

A cinema?

He owned a cinema!

What?

Oh, just one other thing.

Did you by any chance happen to know my great-uncle?

Was he a huge fat man with a reddish beard

who wore a sort of cape?

Oh, oh, well that must've been

my great-uncle Edward.

Look, darling if we don't...

Oh, well it doesn't matter.

Yes, tell Mr. Carter we'll be there, will you?

Yes, goodbye.

Matt, we've only got 40 minutes.

What am I going to wear?

Imagine not even knowing.

And what's more, great-uncle Simon

seems to have been rich.

Did she say how...

Well, she said she couldn't talk on the phone.

But if apart from anything else,

he owned a cinema.

He must've been wealthy.

And you really inherit everything?

The solicitor said so.

It's incredible, it's absolutely incredible.

Thank you.

Oh dear, honestly, I'll pass out

before we get to Sloughborough.

Just think what it'll be like

to have no more money worries,

no more stupid, petty problems.

To be able to do all the things

one wants to do,

to travel, for example.

Oh yes, you know that's just the one thing

that would be heavenly.

Think of all the fabulous places

that are just names to us now.

But we can see.

Samarkand, Samarkand.

Doesn't that do something to you?

Doesn't the very name...

Oh, it's a beautiful name.

Samarkand.

San Francisco, Seville, Samoa, Samarra...

Tell me some more about Samarra.

Oh, darling.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's the brandy.

Well, here's to Samarkand.

Oh darling, I can't drink any more.

To Samarkand.

Train now standing at platform three,

is the train for Dorne, Bradfield,

Rewesley, Wickhamford, Evercreech,

Woodbury, and Rickersworth.

What is that ghastly smell?

There's something dead around here.

Well, you mean besides great-uncle Simon?

Oh, sorry, darling.

Tell me, what's that curious smell?

Eh?

That smell, what is it?

I don't smell anything.

Oh, you mean the glue factory.

That's it, the glue factory over there.

Pungent, isn't it?

Pungent is hardly the word.

Taxi, sir?

Yes, please.

Will you take us Simpson, Carter, and Son,

the solicitors?

Right, sir.

Now listen, darling.

While you're with the solicitors,

a little dignity, eh?

I mean to say, if a man dies,

and leaves you his entire inheritance,

the least you can do is to observe the propi, proprietree,

propiturie...

Proprieties.

Darling, you can talk,

you can't even say proprieties!

Proprieties!

Now darling, really.

Try and be sensible.

Matt.

Look!

Driver, stop a minute!

Driver, how many cinemas are there in Sloughborough?

Just this one, sir.

Matt, it's simply magnificent.

It must be worth a fortune!

Driver, just wait here a minute, will you?

I say, how's business?

What?

I said how's business,

how's business these days?

I wouldn't know, I mind me own.

What a rude man.

Do you know something?

I think that chap's got a little surprise

in store for him.

What do you mean?

There's no excuse whatsoever for incivility.

The very first thing I'm going to do

is to boot him right out of the place.

Oh darling, I'm sure he didn't mean to be...

Nonsense, it's his job to be polite, not to...

Wait 'til he finds out who he was being rude to.

Come on, let's get to the solicitors.

My father asked me to handle

this matter for you, Mr. Spenser.

I told him you were calling,

but he said he had an urgent appointment.

I don't think he'll be gone long though.

But, you know something about it, don't you?

Oh, yes.

I know all about it.

As a matter of fact,

I've had the job of establishing your existence.

You've no idea the fun and games I had.

Thought I'd never catch up with you.

Glad you did.

As my secretary said,

that she told you on the telephone