The Simpsons

Skinner!

The Simpsons 25x01 Homerland Original Air Date on September 29, 2013

America faces an ominous new threat--

terrorism.

We must be vigilant,

secure every home, every church,

every Kwik-E-Mart and presidential library.

I grew up in a little town in Arkansas, whose name, ironically,

was Terrorism.

Ooh, there's new marshmallows in the Belfast Charms!

No! No, that's Bart's cereal.

It's the only way I can get him to take his "vitamins."

Eat up.

The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal

to the square root of the remaining side.

That's not right.

Yes, it is.They're my lines as the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.

Okay, I'm ready for the Nuclear Workers Convention.

It's a little sad-- the guys who did the funny skit last year,

well, they're all very sick.

Did you pack everything you need?

Even better.

I never unpacked from the time we went to Hawaii.

Whoo! My lava's almost cooled!

I'm still cold.

Oh, a whole weekend away from my family.

I can't believe I have to miss taking the kids to buy gym uniforms.

Send me a picture?

Poor guy.

Salt of the earth.

Convention! Convention!

Convention! Convention!

Convention!

Oxygen masks on.

Convention!

Convention!

Man I love conventions.

Yeah, they’re the perfect combination of work and binge drinking.

Now look guys, we are here for one important reason.

To get free swag.

Swag, I'm gonna grab forever.

Somethin' I really don't need. Swag!

I'm gonna have 40 key chains.

And I don't even have 40 keys.

Swag!

Interested in learning a procedure that could save your life?

There's that woman I always have a "same time next year" affair with.

And she's with her frumpy friend I always have dinner with when you two disappear.

Put up your nukes!

Halpern!

Hey-hey! The wild man of Wichita!

I still haven't forgiven you for putting that dead goat in my bed.

He wasn't dead till you rolled over on him! Ha!

Oh, yeah. Take that.

In your face, boy.

Ow! Ow! Hey!

I'll kill you! You son of a...!

Oh, come here, you.

Some party, huh?!

It could be, if we introduce Sherman, from I.T, to my good friend Spike!

Helpern, what will you think of next?

Nothing. This is it.

Hey, here's a brainstorm for you.

Check if it's plugged in before you call I.T.!

You think I like talking you monkeys through a password change?!

To texting!

Hello...Where's Homer?

Homer, Homer-- when did I see him last? Geez, I don't know.

Yeah, Homer's a great guy, but that doesn't mean

I constantly think about whether he's still alive or not.

You're taking a picture of 'em in their moment of grief?

It's okay.

This camera has an "auto cheer" feature.

Aw... Aw...

Well, he's not in the Boise morgue.

Maybe he was mistaken for a dead elephant and flown back to Kenya.

You're talking about my husband.

To spare your feelings, we'll just call him the Blob.

Two to one says the Blob is stuck in the water-intake pipe at the reservoir.

Please, I need people here who are helpful and sensitive.

Sorry I'm late, everyone. I had some trouble getting the voice mails off the 9-1-1 line.

Why does everyone have to talk so fast and panicky?

A man with a gun is in my house.

Gibberish.

Hello, everyone.

Homie! What happened to you?

I overslept, lost my cell phone, missed my flight.

Why didn't you call us?

Well, all the pay phones at the airport

were replaced by self-serve yogurt.

I ate all the cookie dough toppings a man could want.

So many cookies will never be born.

Well, I guess all that matters is, everything's back to normal.

Yes. Back to normal.

Dear Christian God...

Hey! Sorry. Dear God--

you know which one I mean--

thank you for returning our Homie.

He's still got a lot of unfinished business down here.

Amen.

I'm glad you're back, Dad. It's hard to sleep with one unkissed cheek.

Yeah, it's tough being man of the house.

You left some big underpants to fill.

I didn't know they made Underoos in size 52.

They're called Superoos, son.

With pictures of the cast of The Expendables.

More like The Expandables.

Why didn't you strangle me?

That kind of small-scale violence solves nothing.

Couldn't agree more.

Now to celebrate.

Ta-da! Pork chops crusted with Cheeto dust.

Uh, I'll pass on the pork.

I'll just enjoy these green beans with slivered almonds.

Mmm, so slivered...Mmm!

Bart, why is the dad I always wished for creeping me out?

I don't know. 'Cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?

Yay.

Point taken.

Dad, what's that on your lap?

A napkin.

Glad you're back, buddy. You got a lot of catching up to do.

Can I just get a glass of water?

Water? That stuff killed my grandmother.

So sad.

I've been having snuggle dreams.

Marge, I changed in Boise.

I'm not sure a man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed.

-Well, what made you...? -You're so beautiful

when I cut you off in the middle of a question.

Oh. Oh, my. What's that thing you're doing?

Moving my body.

Don't you think it's weird that Dad stopped eating pork

and drinking beer?

Who cares what happened?

Daddy's back.

Something happened to Dad on that trip.

This is worse than when he went to New Orleans and came back with a Southern accent.

Uh, how y'all doin'?

Chief Wiggum, how come every time there's a terrorist chatter

-in this town, you come to me? -Lay off, Apu.

When I look at people, I don't see colors. I just see crackpot religions!

Chief, is there really a terrorist threat to Springfield?

Yeah. I got a very important phone call.

-Yello? -Is this line secure?

Uh, it's a little jiggly but it'll hold.

We got intel-- uh, that's short for a word I don't know...

Intelligence? I don't believe so, no.

Anyway, this intel says that someone in town has been turned

and they're working for terrorists.

Now, I got to go check my other suspects.

But I may be back.

Huh?

Dad's kneeling on a prayer mat. He doesn't believe in kneeling.

Huh? It looks like he's praying.