Please Like Me

Why can't I ever just let myself properly

enjoy things? Why can't i ever just be

in the moment, you know? I know today is brilliant.

It's sunny. We're in the first world.

We just ordered a $19 sundae. You know, delicious,

but all i can think about is my rubbish face.

I'm obsessing. I mean, it's just,

I'm turning 21 soon, and this is as good as my face

is ever going to get. This is it.

It's all downhill from here. I was hoping puberty would

do a better job, but no. Puberty did a good job with you.

You used to be really awkward to look at.

Incredible-- clap. Don't you think

this is incredible? What an incredible sundae!

Isn't it just mind-blowing to think we actually

get to eat this? - Josh, i wanna

talk to you about something. - Oh... no.

No-- no, you don't. - I think we should break up.

- Oh. Oh, that's bad.

- I just-i kinda feel like we've drifted, you know?

- This isn't good at all. - Also, you're gay.

- What? N... no, i-no, I'm not.

- Josh, you're probably gay. - I'm not.

- I mean, we could still be friends, if you like.

Wouldn't really be that different, would it?

- This $19 sundae is suddenly pretty fuckingg humiliating.

- One-two one-two-three-four ooh

yeah I'll be fine yeah ooh

up yeah here up the good lord knows it

up the good lord knows it i left better behind

to be fine yeah take my mommah

turn another blind eye yeah yeah yeah yeah

i left better behind to be fine

- tom. - Hey.

- Workplace sexual harassment. Here we go.

Workplace sexual harassment. Oh-oh, yeah.

- You don't work here. This isn't workplace

sexual harassment-- it's just normal sexual harassment.

- What are you doing? - I'm on my break.

- Tom, are you googling giraffes again?

- Yeah. - Why are you always

googling giraffes? - I'm not always

googling giraffes. Just, last time you came in,

i was googling giraffes, and i happen to be

googling giraffes again today. - I just hate that you think

you have some sort of special affinity with giraffes.

- I don't! - I imagine it's because

you think that you kind of look like one,

but-but less graceful. - Giraffes aren't graceful.

- I think they are-- i think they're surprisingly graceful.

- No, they're not. Have you ever seen one

pick something off the floor? - I guess you would know,

with all your special research. - Claire said

she broke up with you. - Yeah, yeah-- yep-yep-yep.

Also, i cut myself shaving, and, uh, you won't

shut up about giraffes. So, that's three pieces

of bad news in one day. - I've decided i am

going to break up with niamh. - Why do you

do this to me, tom? We both know you're not

going to-- i don't know why you lie to me.

You get my little hopes up. - Whenever i try,

something gets in the way. - I don't think it does.

I think you just put things in the way

'cause you're scared of her. You're scared of

what she'll do. - Last time i was about to,

and her turtle died. - Of course, she owns

a fucking turtle. - Owned.

- Hi. - Josh, this is Geoffrey.

Geoffrey just started. - Think you might

be in my chair. - Oh, shit-- sorry.

- Uh... are you okay? - Yeah, sorry.

I didn't wanna-- no, i don't wanna put this on you, man.

It's niamh.

I have to get it. Sorry.

Hey, sweetheart. What?

They kicked you out? What did you do?

- My dad got arrested again. - Oh.

Oh, no. Sh-should i ask you what for,

or should we-should we not-- we should not mention it?

- Not mention it. - Okay.

- It does it sound pretty racist.

I just don't know

who to talk to.

- Tom keeps lollies in here. Do you like lollies?

That's kind of, honestly, it's the best

I've got to offer. Pop rocks?

- I love pop rocks. - Yeah?

- No, you can't. Josh just broke up with Claire.

He's all upset. He's a mess.

No. Fine.

Niamh's coming over for dinner. - What-- no.

Tom, you said you were gonna break up with her.

- They kicked her out of her poetry group.

- She got kicked out of a poetry group?

- She's upset. - Tom, no, that's no excuse.

You have to do this. You can do this-- come on.

- Okay, I'll break up with her tonight.

Are you eating my pop rocks? - No.

Can i come to dinner?

- Do you know what i think about a lot?

- What? - The time when

you were telling me, when you were kids,

and you were naked in the backyard

at your friend's house, and your-his mum told you

that if you do that, then a magpie might mistake

your penis for a worm and eat it.

- You think about that a lot? - It just... i just think

it's a funny image. A tiny version of you

terrified that a magpie might swoop down

and eat your penis. Nobody--

- i had a pet magpie for a while.

- Hmm? - It used to come to

the back door every morning. We'd give him our leftovers.

- Did it ever try and eat your penis?

No.

Hey!

Hey, guys. - Hi, niamh.

This is Geoffrey. - Hey.

Hi-- thanks.

- Josh, uh, tom told me about how

Claire broke up with you. - Yes.

- What happened? - Um, she said we drifted.

- Well, that's disappointing. You know, i really

liked Claire. - Really?

You never-- - how'd you let it drift?

- Well, i don't know, niamh. You see, that's the nature

of drifting, is that it happens slowly,

over time. And then, one day,

you order a $19 sundae, a-and it's finished.

- Right. - How did you get kicked

out of your poetry group? - You think this is funny,

don't you? - No.

- It's just, Claire's probably at home, crying,

and you're here, having a dinner party.

- Niamh, i don't think she's crying, okay?

She broke up with me. It was a surprise.

I didn't know. If I'd known,

maybe i would've planned a more mournful evening.

I'm-I'm sorry. - Well, isn't that

just charming? - Niamh, can you just--

- oh... I'm sorry, tom. Am i embarrassing you,

a-again? - Maybe we could sort this out

with indoor voices. - What the fuck?

I don't even know who the fuck you are.

- I'm-I'm Geoffrey-- tom's friend.

- I'm so nice to you guys, and you're all just such

fucking bitches to me. - Oh, god!

- Can we just take this into another room?

Yeah.

- I just, uh, i just can't imagine that

they're having that much fun, you know?

So, what-what do you do?

- I'm-I'm studying, uh, bachelor of creative industries.

- Really? - Yeah.

- That's real interesting. - N-no.

- I'm gay. - Oh, cool.

- Yeah, i, um, i haven't told tom.

- Oh... why? Why's that?

- I just-i didn't want him thinking i was hitting on him.

- I don't think anybody thinks that anyone

is hitting on tom.

Can i sleep over?

- We don't really have anywhere.

- If you've got a-a pretty big bed,

i could just crash there.

Light.

- Is this okay? - Yeah, yeah.

Do you-do you taste blood? - What?

- Oh, there's a-a little mole on your lip that's bleeding.

I-i cut myself shaving.

Well, what-what are we meant to do now?

- I don't know. - Do we just wait for me

to stop bleeding? - I might go to sleep.

We'll try again in the morning?

Okay.

- Do you, uh, do you prefer big spoon or little spoon?

I don't know.

Don't really get the big spoon, little spoon thing.

Su-surely, they'd be the same sized spoons.

Different sized spoons don't fit together like this.

- Received at 11:13 A.M. - Josh, it's your dad.

Don't worry, mate. Uh, mum's okay-- she's okay.

She's been moved to a ward. You awake?

Received at 10:15 A.M.

- Josh, uh, it's your dad. Um, oh, mate, where are ya?

Call me back.

- Received at nine A.M. - hey, Josh.

Uh, your dad called and he told me what happened.

I just-i hope that you're okay, and if you need anything,

please just let me know.

- Received at 8:40 A.M. - fuck, Josh-- fuck.

Mum-- fuck, fuck. Call me!

- Josh, Geoffrey's in your room.

He isn't wearing a shirt! - 8:09 A.M.

Josh? Lovey, i need some help.

- Tom, i think i need you to drive me to the hospital.

- What? - I-i need you to drive me

to the hospital. - Which hospital?

- I don't know-- just get in the car!

- What the hell happened last night?